I hate myself, or I'm back in self-pity/self-loathing mode.

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Paxil will help you alot. If empathy is the problem, remember the wise phrase 'do unto others as they would do unto you'. I think a common misconception here is that the vast majority of NT's aren't that 'empathetic' in the first place due to their circumstances. They can appear empathetic though. Simply think -- ideally -- how you would want others to behave. Now this doesn't completely solve the problem, people will be much more empathetic if you appear to be considerate.

Personally, I have more problems with taking things too literally, that might contribute to the issues you have too. I honestly can't think of any ways to help you there.

SSRIs are NOT, I repeat, NOT an option. The last time I previously went suicidal - not this time - I was taking Zoloft. SSRIs really do cause suicidal idealization.

I'll willing to see a therapist though.

Self-help books really don't help me, either.

People have different preferences, so I really wouldn't apply this rule to all sorts of situations. If lack of empathy is the problem, I would recommend reading novels.

As for happiness, it's a feeling that comes and goes. Aim for contentment.

I just want to add that Paxil is HIGHLY addictive. Google it sometime. I was a pack-a-day smoker for 6 years and quitting smoking was a cakewalk compared to quitting Paxil. I recommend anyone considering this particular drug to take this into consideration and talk to your doctor about it.

Paxil's horrible! I can go without Adderall even though it's amphetamine - one of the most addictive substances man has made but I've far too many bad stories about Paxil and SSRIs did almost break me.

Another thought - stay busy. Give yourself only as much alone time as you absolutely need. Too much time to your own mind typically won't be a good thing.

Yes - I didn't have many of these feeling when I was out in the working world. I kinda wished I had a job again because of that fact I have too much free time on my hands.

Solid physical activities and hobbies are a great fill. Try thinking of things that you either enjoy or would enjoy trying, especially things that even could be pushed to professional levels. Its a great time for finding out and fine-tuning your talents.

All the things I enjoy, aspie or not I don't think I can push to a professional level. I like to enjoy things for the sake of enjoying them.

I'm not saying that, so much as that they're gainful hobbies - things where you feel like your enjoying yourself, building a skill, and that skill 'can' have marketable potential all at the same time. In that sense, regardless of what you ever make of it, you get a solid sense that you're investing in yourself and your future. That particular thought is what you need a lot of right now, college is good but it sounds like you'd want more to add at this moment.

A few examples for me:
music - its been a life long passion, making it and trying to tweek it as much as I can means having the dream of pressing vinyl and courting major labels. I don't get too crazy with that idea but, putting a good amount of effort in and feeling like I have something inside me that I can offer the world in tangible form helps. Also, if I really get tired of accounting or have an opening in my life where I could sound engineer maybe 10 hours a week professionally and ease my way in to another line of work - bonus.

martial arts - health, coordination, confidence, additionally my abilities as a protector greatly increase. That hits so many angles of life that its difficult to even trace it all down to secondary and tertiary effects. Needless to say I can feel like I have it in me to be more of a natural leader, with every passing year of proficiency, and the obvious - at a point where I do accrue maybe 10 or 15 years and if I decide I want to join a school as a teacher; it can hit a new level.

languages: Learning Spanish right now, I'm trying to understand how I best learn these things, I'd like to learn more which I know third and fourth languages will come easier than my first additional language as its a first. That said - going back for a masters in international business and even going to school in South America, its a bit of a 'next five years' dream I have. Also extra earning potential for knowing several languages and being able to explain US GAAP or SOX to people in other parts of the world, indispensable.


I think the trick with interests like these though, you need to learn to love the process, love the way you feel when you've completed another mix even if its a novice attempt, love the feeling of coming home after a good workout class and especially enjoying the class itself, finding means that you enjoy that make learning a second language and enjoyable game and constantly more appealing in different ways - ie. you have to love the process of whatever you decide to get yourself into. That sort of enjoyment comes mostly I think from activities which have that dual functionality - ie. they're hobbies, and they give you more tools for the future.

I agree with this - I only get into hobbies if I love doing it or it I see it as an antidepressant of sorts. Speaking of which, I'll be going up to Tahoe on Friday.

Follow what you really love. And that's sorta one good thing about being AS, is with your "special interest", you have a safety net to fall back on, and a very good and safe safety net.

Many people, rather than using a hobby/fixture like an AS, go down the wrong road. They use cigarettes, drugs, alcohol instead. Their safety net slowly kills them and it's very sad indeed about human nature, using self-abuse as a safety net from such scenarios.

And finally, live life to the fullest!

Well, right but... if you understand the source of your own pain - unless I have you all wrong and am paralleling myself off of you too much - its a sense of lacking hope for the future. That's the specific problem. In that sense activities vary in terms of how much future benefit they carry with them. It's not to say that having hobbies in all kinds of directions from practical to sheerly video games isn't a good idea, just that you'll need enough of the stuff with long term benefit for your mind to grasp that things will be getting better over time rather than staying the same or getting worse. That's where you'll really get the 'prozac' effect as you mentioned it, mainly because its direct work toward your mind's biggest trepidation which is likely an adulthood of downward spiral.

I say the hobbies I can try to push to a professional level would be photography and computers - I specialize more on the networking side on computers and I am hoping to turn that into a career since my major is in a related field - MIS. I like to have more fun hobbies to keep me off the computer as much as I can though.

call yourself out. Test yourself. See how long you can stay off of the computer and keep busy.

the emotional rollercoaster is back to visit me again. I'm having thoughts of suicide swirl through my mind again. Goddamnit. Looks like I'll be like every sad guy on L&D.

I'm thinking involuntary celibacy has gotten me by the horns. I'm just a f*****g unloveable, empathy-blind and emotion-blind trainwreck.

I can't love or appreciate myself. As long as the scourge of Mr. Asperger is on my back, I don't think I'll ever be loved or live life to its fullest.