My Mom just died.

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Unless they ask, there is no need to say anything. Some of the people at my mother's funeral (two years ago this week) seemed troubled by my not being all teary-eyed or whatever, but that is/was their deal, not mine. I still grieve a bit over the pain my mother suffered in life, but her death brought relief for anyone needing it ... and that is about the end of all that.

Bill, I'm sorry for your loss.

I don't think it's terrible for you not to be sad. You're not sad right now. You may or may not be sad in the future. Your grief is your own business, even if your external reaction may look funny to other people.

As you mentioned, at times your relationship was strained, and that's always going to color how you feel about someone, regardless of how close you are. Additionally, you say that she had several brushes with death in the recent past, so it could be you've already processed some of your "how will I feel when she dies?" feelings then.

My dad died after a horrific battle with cancer. His was the kind of cancer that basically means an eventual death sentence, so I knew as soon as I heard the diagnosis that we were going to lose him at some point. The last week of his life was so, so awful, and to watch him lose parts of himself (mentally, I mean) each hour was excruciating and yet numbing at the same time. So, by the time it was done I was wrung out. I have always accepted that death is a natural part of life, and since he was so sick it was actually good that he finally died. I miss him, but I can't say I was "sad" or "grieved" in a conventional sense. Some people just aren't capable of that. And I think that's fine.

I am so sorry of your loss. We are here no matter what you may be feeling.

If you buy into the stages of grief (which I don't completely), someone might say you're in shock combined with occasional anger. Despite what society might believe you should feel, I find neither to be unusual. At some point, your feelings may change. Or, you might have moved directly to acceptance.

I wonder if you feel a bit ashamed that you aren't feeling what other expect you to be feeling?

You feel or don't feel whatever you feel or don't feel. After a death is no time to be stern with one's feelings or expectations. After a death, I seldom feel sad. What I feel is forgetful and unable to cope with small stressors.
Be gentle on yourself and on others who have other ways of grieving and who are temporarily stupid.
I'm sorry for your loss so close to an emotional holiday.

My prayers? My condolences? They're yours, no need to ask.

I sometimes wonder how much more time my own mother (aged 78) has left in this world.... *sigh*

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. The way you grieve is personal, and not for others to judge.

~Kate

I'm sorry to hear that. My Granny died 10 years ago. I know it's not the same at all, but I understand what it's like to lose someone.

DO NOT feel bad about how you are feeling. People ALL react differently to things. I cried for 10 years and had a nervous breakdown. My Dad had a nervous breakdown and became violent. My brother didn't show any emotion whatsoever, but that doesn't mean he misses her any less.

Sometimes, instead of crying, people can feel numb. It's really hard to describe feeling numb, but it's sort of like a guilt that you can't cry. It can make the days seem really long and difficult.