On going anxiety all day...

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Like you said, getting some help is better than death!!

Go for it.

... lets be real if I got help its not like they actually give a f**k what happens to me once I'm sent out on my own again.

I've been having on and off anxiety all day....it got very hard to focus in class a couple of times and even now i am not breathing right because of how much effort I am putting into staying fairly calm. I am just kind of freaking out about this. And I need some advice on something.......if it should get to the point especially in class or on the college campus in general where this feeling takes over and I end up freaking out. Will that pretty much screw over my chance of attending college? I really want to make this work but I don't know how long I can keep how I feel under control and not act on it. I just don't know what to even do....my counseler does not help, I cannot build up the energy to put the effort into getting some sort of medicaid or whatever so I could maybe talk to an actual psychologist. I am too embarrased to tell my family I might need more then weekly theapy from a counseler who can't do crap. Which makes it all the more worse especially since I have been feeling very suicidal lately. I just want it to end

I recall in another thread you mention cannabis as an effective self-medication, Sweetleaf, but said that you couldn't afford it. At this point, the amount you will pay for a dimebag of that medicine will be minimal compared to the unpayable student loan debt you will have for a degree you didn't even complete. Just something to consider.

I'm generally not too okay with the thought of drugs - especially NOT benzodiazepines that were mentioned earlier - please avoid those as they are insanely addictive - however, I think that in this situation, you should try cannabis, if you even have found that it helps. You don't happen to live in California, do you? It's legal, there, now, isn't it? However, if you do choose to try cannabis, again, but do not live there, just be very careful with how you acquire it... thinking about how the dealer would be; not just the law.

I'm sorry that I don't have any better advice. Just, don't tell psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists or any sort of doctor that you feel suicidal. Generally, they aren't even interested in helping, anyway - just interested in "doing their job", getting paid and going home. Meanwhile, while they'd have received their payments to their fake jobs, you'd have loans you can't pay back. So don't do that.

I hope you'll be doing somewhat better, soon. :/