Depression is a funny thing

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In taking walks in Atlantic City, the safe areas. One block off the boardwalk is not safe, casino gambling has not been the economic engine to revitalize the local community, although perhaps it has kept things from getting worse.

Along the boardwalk, I noticed signs from the Cat Action Team (CAT) asking people not to feed the cats and giving a contact number. And on a couple of occasions I did see some feral cats (?), abandoned cats (?), and/or lost cats (?), seemingly in a loosely connected group, or at least comfortable that another cat is fifteen or twenty feet away. (I take a lot of walks. On most occasions, I did not see any cats.)

Surfing the web, I think the plan is to capture each cat, give him or her a basic health exam, treat anything like abscesses, also spay or neuter each cat, and then release him or her back. It occurs to me that that last part of spaying or neutering might be traumatic and there might be a better way. Maybe a hormone pellet under the skin that lasts a year? But here is a place where I can be very strong. I am willing to do the practical thing that’s the best we have here and now which does make things better, and at the same time being willing to matter-of-factly talk about what might be even better down the road.

I think that is the worst thing about depression - not seeing the reason of it. Everything in life seems still the same as last week when i wasn't depressed and yet everything is so different. It's like someone switched of the light and everything seems gray and dull and pointless.
The thing that bugs me the most is the people around that can't understand me. I have some people that care about me so they keep asking me why i'm sad and they always ask "what happened?" And i find it so hard to explain that nothing happened but i'm just depressed. And even if i try to explain usually that confuses them even more. Or worse. They try to find the reason themselves which usually ends up with a conclusion that i need to find myself a good man, get married and have babies.... You see the people around me "don't believe in aspergers" as a real thing but they do believe in me "being too picky in men" and it's pointless convincing them otherwise. They can't understand how could someone smart and attractive (that's the way they say they see me) have any problem comunicating with other people or making a connection with them. It must be my own fault.
So usually i simply try to hide my depression and pretend to be happy which is so exhausting.

Btw, I do sleep a lot when i'm depressed. It's some form of escape i guess. From people and feeling bad

Yes. Also, people say just go out and have fun. They are also unable to understand that you just feel bad; there often is no apparent reason for it.

At a certain point you just have to accept that some people are incapable of understanding that other people are simply different from them, and you just have to let them be ignorant. You cannot educate someone who does not want to listen.



I do that. I try to focus on one thing at a time, and take what pleasure I can in small victories. Usually, things get better, if I can just get through the rough spells.

Nothing surprises me anymore. I guess that running a successful organization really requires a special type of dedication, but that often seems to go along with a bit of narrow mindedness towards people who may have related, but different goals.



I agree, in principle. I think that the problem is that you would need to recapture each cat annually. Cats are so prolific, that if you miss even a few each year, you will have a lot of young cats the next.

True. I have actually had two instances when the depression lifted abruptly, once completely, once partially. The difference was amazing. It was just like a light switch was turned on and the world seemed brighter, the colors seemed richer. Yet, there was no real difference in anything, except for something in my head.



I know. People who have never been depressed simply do not understand depression. They confuse it with sadness or grief, and they are just completely different things. At least some people are perceptive enough to admit that they do not understand it. I hate it when people do not understand depression, but are certain that they understand it.

I once came across someone who said that he understood depression. He said that he had been depressed many times. I did not feel like arguing, but my response to him would have been that I have only been depressed once. It started when I was a teenager, and has never gone away completely. I have been better at times, and worse at times, but never cured. Someone who has had periods of depression and then recovered cannot really understand that.



Yeah, somehow, all my problems will go away if I can just date, make friends, and get married. I had one guy who told me that all I had to do to solve my problems was to visit strip clubs.



The frustrating thing to me is that people see the severely disabled, and they have no problem with that. They are just incapable of understanding that AS is a spectrum. They simply do not believe that there is such a thing as a less severe case of Asperger's.



Escape, yes. I also believe that sleep is healing, just by itself.

People have the misconception that alternative health is a panacea for all the physical issues in the world. Not so, if it were, then THEY the practicioners of other countries would have utopian socities where nobody is sick right? no, all medicare is good for is helping you FEEL better, to make living on Earth bearable. Would it be herbal chinese meds that cleans the body, to massages that restore tissue elasticity so you're not C-3p0.

The sad reality for many Chinese is, no matter how much Chi-Gong they do in the morning, Tai Chi, no matter how much blood they will move around, or no matter how much blocked Qi, or Magical Lao Tsu's pills for immortality (vitamins), or Veggies they consume. You will eventually die. Live to a long and healthy life, but eventually die. There is no magical Sa Hua (Snake Oil), miracle exliers that can turn you into super man, no magical longevity face lifts, as evident by the many "Good Luck" moles on elderly. This doesn't stop the chinese from getting their feet rubbed (a belief that the feet have all sorts of pressure points and when painfully massaged and manipulated will improve function of said Organ. (provided you are cooperatative and actually keep treating your organs well in the first place. (and smoking is not treating your body well, or comsumption of very very strong liqour).

While treating your body well, with alternative meds, would be it be getting your bones popped (chiropractory), getting something flushed, or even eating well, (like there's a reason why it's called JUNK (garbage), food, sure it's delicious, but when regarded as a regular diet, (hotdogs are pork or beef testicles and guts, wrapped in MORE guts, but they taste sooooo good) then of course your body is going to feel like garbage junk.

All this new aged talk about syncronisiticy this, blood irodlogly that, Rolfing, Body engery Prana work. Is good, (but where do you find a REAL bonified practioner right?). Just keep an opened mind to pesudo scientific healt care, or keep in mind. Perhaps that's how other cultures treated themselves, because honestly getting sick sucks, Doctors rule, and in the ancient world, doctors had to rely on what they had around them to try and make life physically suck less. (theologians make life spritually suck less).

Western and contemporary health care, are designed to help you here & now, where as other complentary health care are designed for you to slowly help your body, feel less pain as you go through the BS that the brain gives. I find aftere screwing around with my body, I get an EXCELLENT sleep. Who knows maybe the Foot massage reflect lady, really found a dying and rotting nerve, and pressed really hard. The only problem with these physical manipulations is that it might hurt like hell, at first discouraging any other administrations, especially here in China. (Everything is designed to hurt you to help you, every thing from very crappy tasting veggies, to painful hot cupping, and some are less sanitary as in the hospitalized civilized States. (remember they're working on FEET), your feet for instance are plunged into some very very very very very hot tea, and they throb alot. Then because her hands might not be as strong as her husbands, to really start cattle prodding you, they use ox bone like tools, perfect for getting under and around finding out all the problems of your body that can't hide, and pokes away. Your feet and other nerves feel tingly, like a funny bone, as she or he, try to iron out. Perhaps ask you sensitive questions, like are you having problems taking a dump, (if they poke the area that is in charge of that), or sleeping. You should drink less booze your kidneys all fed up, you're not sleeping well etc etc etc. (these questions like fortune tellers should be taken with a grain of salt).

Or Contemporary medicen. Like Chiropractory, is recognized and sometimes, actually not anymore (because we can do without), by the Albertan health care. (lots of health care in Canada is covered), It's not too expensive. Perhaps it's acedotal, or even psychosomatic, but I found myself less aspie clumsy,Somehow my feet talked forward (instead doing the Penguin waddle), I stood taller. (In the Scouts manual, it is suggested that young men stand tall with pride, for many reasons, and listed that your lungs and guts and stuff didn't grow up all squished). My head seemed to pleasantly tingle, instead of feeling all dead and dull like a smooth rock.

I still have Aspergers, I still have depression, life still sucks, but occasionally I do go in for tune ups from time to time, ( I honestly should go more), It's like this, you bring your auto in for a oil change every half a year, so it doesn't stink as much, from bad oil, bad blood. As a restult it seems to rattle less. You change your lawn mower's oil so you don't smell burnt dirt and dog poo for the same reason. And the lawn mower seems to work smoother.

So ultimatly the body is just a machine, a biological machine. Tune it up from time to time, but saddly eventually all machiens give up the Ghost and can't be repaired anymore and goes to Car heaven, unless it's overhauled (resurrected), but you can do many things many many things to keep the mechanics at bay. (keep the body maintained).

I think one thing that I have noticed is how to a lot of average people they don't see the difference between depression and depression.
It seems like the only people that understand are those that have dealt with mood disorders.

depression:
There is a big difference between feeling sad because of something specific, that makes sense, its just a low mood.
Perhaps you are grieving because of a loss of some kind.
This kind of problem can be dealt with by talking to people you care about and/or maybe counseling.

vs. depression:
That pervasive feeling that the life has been sucked right out of you. You just can't muster enough energy to get out of bed and when you do, you just don't care anymore. People don't understand how you can be a great employee for a long time, than just slowly go downhill and then just abandon your job--that's right don't care enough to show up or call in. The problem is your brain can get "stuck" here. Eventually, you can get enough energy to do something. This is where a lot of people can get suicidal. The trick is to manage it with medication before it gets this bad. If this sounds grim, it is because it is.
This kind of problem needs to primary be managed with medication. Counseling can help to understand the symptoms so it doesn't get that bad.

The second problem has happened to me 4 times in my life so I feel that I have some experience here.
I do have residual mood problems, but I am otherwise functioning well.

Sorry, there is nothing funny about depression!

Yes, yes,
I so agree with you. I had a very healthy friend (that I am close to, and knows me well) whose dad died and he was scared he would have depressions like me. I told him, no you are grieving, you will be fine, you don't have a chronic disease like me.
It sounds like you have first hand knowledge of mood disorders--I truly feel for you.

I, like my previous car, need very regular maintainance. Fortunately, I have a pretty good health plan, or I could never afford it. I see my shrink every three weeks or so, and he gives me therapy, checks on my moods, and adjusts my medication, if necessary. He keeps me sane, more or less. My depression is kept under control, at least. He would notice if I was starting to take a really bad turn. I also visit my internist every couple of months to check my blood pressure and to get scolded for not taking better care of myself. It is a pain to have all of these appointments, but the alternative is a lot worse.

I agree. Psychological distress is just so badly misunderstood. I suppose that it is a good thing that most people do not have to deal with true clinical depression, but it would make them more understanding if they did experience it.



Yes. This is exactly what I feel. I like your description, "life has been sucked right out of you." I think I will steal it, the next time that I need to explain what depression feels like.



I am glad for you. (Seriously, no sarcasm implied.)



I meant "funny" meaning "strange", not humorous. I agree. There is no humor in depression. There is irony, though, and sometimes it helps me to appreciate the irony.



Thanks. I appreciate the support. Knowing that people understand, that people care really helps.

That seems pretty perceptive. Yes, I think something like that is part of what is going on.

I really feel for you . Here's a *HUG* from a fellow sufferer .

The silly thing is, after I stopped posting earlier, I got completely depressed and spent hours asleep in bed. Isn't that silly? I always feel better afterwards, but now I won't sleep tonight! And the cats are really annoyed with me for sleeping instead of removing the Iams from their bowls. I'm getting looks.

I volunteered at a charity for a couple of years... in a room with a 20 year old male who was incapable of being quiet. If he wasn't tapping, he was singing off-tune. If not singing, he was humming. If not that, then talking loudly on the phone to his mates. Etc. I had to leave because I couldn't ignore it any more - talk about nails on a blackboard! But those 2 years count for nothing in the job market, because I haven't had a 'real' job since 2000. I'll shuddup now or I'll end up ranting .

Chamomile tea is a legal soporific, as is hot chocolate. They'll calm you down nicely, which might help deal with it. Or you could try mixing pieces of chocolate with hot milk, like the Aztecs. It'll give the soporific effect and also the extra Serotonin buzz from the chocolate, since a lot of hot chocolate doesn't seem to have chocolate in!

Thanks, and hugs back to you too, if you need them.



Not silly at all. That happens to me sometimes too. It is just one of the strange things about depression. It sometimes just comes from nowhere and strikes for no real reason.



I am blessed the the ability to sleep. Even if I take an early nap, after an hour or two, I can sleep again. My cat knows this. She does not expect me to do anything on schedule. She knows that I will do it when I wake up.



I hate people like that. For some reason they never understand how annoying they are, and never try to correct themselves. I suppose that just shows that Aspies are not the only people who are clueless.

I've noticed a funny thing with these "chaty noisy people". Most of them are usually quite ok around a group of people but when they find themselves in a company of someone not quite sociable (like me for example) it seems as if they can feel me being different and definitely not "a chit-chat material" and that makes them nervous or awkward so they try to fill any silence with all those noises. Completely unaware how annoying they are.
If you can get what I mean...

Completely! And now you've said it, he was very sociable and he did find mental health an embarressing subject to deal with. Like it was catching or something

I find the extreme extroverts the hardest to deal with. They really do seem to suffer when they are with people who are not extroverts. Many, not all, of them try to make you socialize like they do, and they get very frustrated when you simply don't feel like socializing.

Last edited by Yensid on 22 Feb 2011, 3:25 am, edited 1 time in total.