coping with being deficient

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LB, I had that agony for years. I think more importantly with the way my ASD was I had great problems with any ability to express myself accurately, I still have problems speaking and stutter plenty, and I still have times where I say things that - while they should technically work - are so far from what anything else that someone else would have thought of that people really look at me like I just got off a UFO.

The most important thing you can do in your situation, above all else, is learn what it is what's causing this. Take the situations apart in your mind, introspect over it, and see what you can figure out. From there sort out the difference between the times where you may have done something rude and the person was someone who's values, belief systems, etc. are of a caliber that you'd respect. There are other times as well where people might have an agenda, might be up to something, and you crashed their game - mark those and try to avoid similar situations when you see them. Other than that, you will find plenty of people who will simply not like you because they don't like you, especially if you're a good person. Take that for what it is, learn what the signs are, and isolate that on its own as well.

What I'm really getting at though, you need to figure out how much of this is a problem and how much of it is really people not liking you who shouldn't like you and where it would be a bigger concern if they did. Once you're able to peel the onion a bit and break the layers out you'll blame yourself less. My experience with owning things too much and beating myself senseless over social skill issues is that self-beating is something you'll do just as often when you do something right as when you do something wrong, it happens because you don't understand the mechanics of the situation but you have a general 'feel' - hence you play it careful and beat on yourself for any kind of reaction you get that seems potentially negative or out of sorts. Once you get to know what 'good people' by your consideration find decent/indecent and then learn that its more than appropriate for people who are logically enemies to hate you and for you to not talk to them or even dignify them with conversation as it shows to them as a sign of weakness - you'll be a lot less hard on yourself, you'll be more self-assured and while you might be a bit annoyed with yourself when you do things wrong you'll still be far more confident because you won't have that sinking sensation both when you do something wrong AND when you do something right.