i've just been told my father died.

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Sperm donation does not automatically make one a 'father' in anything but the legal sense. I wouldn't feel guilty for not having feelings. I had a strained relationship with my father as well, but nothing like you experienced. When he died, I mourned all the things I never confronted him on, for lost opportunity and out of rage. Very little of what I felt had anything to do with personal feelings for the man. Sometimes, people just go too far and snap those family bonds that people think are so natural.

Follow your feelings. Do what you feel you need to do.

You don't have to be upset. I understand wanting to be upset. I went through that when my mother died. When my dad died, I was crushed. He had become one of my best friends. Then he was gone and I still miss him every day. But my mother wasn't ever motherly. She was always a source of pain. I think the loss I felt was the loss that her time had run out, she will never see a doctor for a diagnosis and medicine, she will never be mentally capable of having a positive relationship with me and her grandchildren... she will really never, ever be the way a mother should be. What I got of her was all she was ever going to be. And I feel sad and disappointed about that but I don't mourn the loss of her from my life.

People who are upset about their parents dying usually had parents who act parental and provided love. If he didn't do that, he was just somebody you knew who didn't live very well. You don't have to be upset. Because of the way he conducted things with you, tomorrow is no different than yesterday or the day before. What do you really have to get upset about?

I'm sorry for your confusion. Confusion passes sooner than grief, at least.

I just thought it's normal to be upset when someone dies.
But you're right. Tomorrow will be no different than today, there's no empty gap in my life that he left.

I'm glad he's free from his alcoholism now anyway.

I really haven't an idea how to reply. If you're feeling any sadness, you know we're all here for ya. If nothing, then I can identify. My father did similar things to me and I don't think I'd feel anything if he died. Maybe a small amount of depression, as I did love him at some point when I was two or three, though I hate to admit it.

Hope this doesn't affect you too much. A smile to brighten your day.

Ironically, i'm going to get drunk to make myself feel better.

Join the club. I'll be all alone tonight. It's gonna be me, my cats, a bottle of vodka and a zombie movie. :\

I'd cry for myself too but I'm starting to get used to s**t happening to me. :\

Just noticed what you set your location as, I want to be there. D:<

Scotland is the land o' cakes.

Oh, if only I could go there, I could use a cake about now.

Crying and eating are my coping mechanisms... D:

All I wanted was a cake earlier. D:
Stupid diet.

I'd go bake you one and send a picture, but that'd be like dangling a carrot in front of a legless horse. D:

Ive known people that were so estranged from their father that they didnt really know him or care much about him in later life.

In one case he went to the funeral and kind of shrugged his way through it. It wasnt emotional at all for him.

In the other case they flushed his ashes down the toilet. A collective judgement.