venting, depressed, confused....

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Well, for one thing, you said you wanted things to be "perfect." That's having high standards, in my estimation.

I'm writing this sitting in the lobby of an assisted living facility, waiting to meet with one of my consumers, and can't wait to get out of this place. It's depressing for me and I'm just visiting, so I don't think you should call yourself a whiny, spoiled baby if you need to vent about your situation. I know you're in an excellent facility, but still ... it's a facility.

And, no problem, as far as the listening goes. If you're a therapist, I'm sure you've done plenty of listening in the past and have probably built up plenty of good karma for yourself. Don't fight with the cosmos, man! Just let us all be supportive.

These email notifications come to my phone and I just want come through the screen and shake you. I'm going to post this and then try really hard to stay off of here so I can finish cooking.

She already has perfect. The fact that you care so much about her, you want her to have a "perfect" life even if that means you don't get to have her. That is the reason she wants you. I would choose to live under a bridge with a guy like you over some other guy with a massive house who has little appreciation of me.
As for your mother's opinion, acknowledge it and then do what you feel is right. This girl makes you happy, she motivates you, that cannot be a bad thing.
You know, high expectations are not bad things either. That's what makes the people who Drs say will never walk again run marathons. It just doesn't happen overnight. Just by your posts here I can tell you've made progress. You mood is definitely better, and when you do need a boost, you bounce back a lot quicker. It's not running a marathon, but it's progress.
You're a good catch, she is lucky. Quit talking junk about yourself.

I'm so glad! I'm happy you are better!

LOL for as long as it lasts, until I freak out again or my mother gets inside my head.

THank you

Ha! Just come back to me for another pep talk. Mother's can be weird with their sons. It's very prominant in asian culture too. There's no one who will ever love you more, but the love lacks a little something. If you let them they can create a no win situation. The only woman who is nearly good enough will be a mini-me of your mother. Isn't that a nice mental picture?

the update....

good news is I have graduated from walker to cane. I am physically stronger and I think things are really going to improve. We've discovered I have celiac disease which roughly means I'm mal nourished... (slowing down the recovery process) and keeping the brain from working correctly.

I'm making a real effort to stop the negative thinking and that's helping too. God it's hard, but I'm doing it.

The bad news is: my mother has re;ocated to be close and micromanage my recovery, She's still working to talk me out of my relationship.... but I'm pretty determined to make things work.


I thought we needed a little positivity in the Haven.

I am so proud of you.

And, congrats on the celiacs diagnosis--really. Although it will be a big lifestyle change to cut out gluten, you are going to feel so much better in a few months or so. (Speaking from experience on this one.)

Thanks.

It's going to be a difficult change, but hopefully the celiac dx will be the missing piece of the puzzle and I'll really start improving. My dad thinks it's BS...and he's a neurologist, but he thinks everything is BS.

You have celiac dz?

I know that I at least have a pretty strong gluten intolerance. 4 or 5 years ago, I needed to drop a few pounds really quickly to fit into a horrible bridesmaid's dress and did a drastic low-carb diet. I didn't notice a difference in how I felt over the two or three weeks I followed the diet, but when I went off it after wedding and had a bowl of pasta, I got violently ill and felt like I was in a fog--couldn't think clearly.

So, I read up on it and decided to try cutting out gluten. Within a few months, I felt better than I ever had. I hadn't realized that everyone didn't feel the way I'd felt before. I haven't had a blood test done for celiacs just because I dread what I know it's going to be like if I reintroduce gluten for the sake of the testing, so I don't know if I actually have celiacs or just a strong intolerance. Eventually, I suppose I should bite the bullet and get tested. But, some people (like myself, possibly) do have similar symptoms due to intolerance that also make cutting out gluten fully worth it.