Self-Pity (you should probably ignore this)

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I'm in the same boat. It'll be alright in the end (possibly)

I´m on a similar situation and my main problem is approaching/talking to females, I see you mention your ,messages suck have you thought about trying to message a girl from here /trying to stablish a friendship IRL just to prove yourself that you can approach a female properly and get some self steem.

Last september I was a wreck, I have just gone through several friendship failures and I felt like s**t. One morning I was studying and a female classmate asked me if I wanted to have some coffee. We started doing this on regular basis and my self steem started coming back, all I needed was to know that there was somebody who enjoyed hanging out with me.

Right now I havent seen her in a while lately(different schedules) but she gaveme the strength I needed to approach other people and I owe her a lot.



A female friend could also help reducing awkwardness when asking a female(you are so used to talking to her that its completely natural to approach a female whereas if you dont have experience talking to girls you may start stuttering or something).


I wish I could give you more advice because you sound like a great man that is just a bit awkward when it comes to dating, unfortunately I dont have much success on this area so there isnt much I can say.

I have a female friend and have had others in the past, I've also had an 18 month relationship so I know I can technicaly talk to girls, I can just never find the words to say to someone I know nothing about. I struggle with friendships too but much more in dating as I think I talk like a friend rather than a potential lover, which is something I just don't know how to do.

Sometimes talking as a friend is a good start if you are looking for a serious relationship. I mean, the best relationships are with people who are like your best friend, but with whom you also have a physical connection too.

I'd like this to happen but I struggle to initiate friendships in the first place too.

It can happen....

This might seem like an odd question, but are you on Twitter? It might be worth seeing if there is a regular tweetup in your area. I've made quite a few new friends through that.

Honestly, I thought your dating site profile was one of the better ones I've seen posted on this site. Could you try showing people 'practice messages' so you can maybe try to improve at those too?

I'm on twitter and i thought about going to our local tweetup. I just wish i was less socially anxious. Don't you feel that people are going to dislike you or ask you invasive questions?

I was lucky and had people to introduce me, but I think you should try it. Most people who go to tweetups here are fairly geeky so a lot of them are the socially anxious type and as a result they are fairly friendly. I guess one of the things I've learnt is that a major obstacle I have when it comes to making friends is assuming people won't like me before I give them the chance. Sometimes you've got to take a deep breath and risk it. If it all goes horribly wrong then you won't have any less friends then you started out with, so you won't really have lost anything.

I just joined Twitter. Yay for tweeting Aspies!

True. I'll try and be braver in future. I think it's when i try things and they go wrong i lose confidence and gain self hatred but you just have to keep trying . I'll keep trying.

Lol yeh I know the feeling. That's when you spend an evening moping and drowning your sorrows in tea.

I'm, not on Twitter, no. Don't really like the idea of it. It's obvious what Tweetup's would be roughly but what purpose are the meets?

I'm not sure about practice messages but I can definitely illustate my lameness by posting actual messages I've sent:

'Hi
I enjoyed you profile, really want a cup of tea now though! Not seen too many gamer girls since joining here, what stuff do you like playing? The Force Unleashed 2 has been waiting for me for a while so that's my next one (yes, I'm a litle bit of a Star Wars geek). Are you playing anything good at the moment?

Hope to hear back!
Mark '

'Hi
I'm Mark (obviously!), I really liked your profile, entertaining to the end! I almost didn't message though as I don't have long hair, then I realised, neither does Chester and although I don't look like him either, I'm not one to go along with the social norms/trends and love northern girls so how's two out of four?
I'd definitely be interested in getting to know you better so if you like what you see in my profile, let me know!'

'Hello!
Loved your profile, very honest. I'm always up for a beer and a laugh and you seem like you'd be a good candidate for that so if you fancy if, let me know!' This one was also looking for friends.

'Walls!
Hey, I liked you're profile, been to any good gigs recently? I've not been to any since the end of last year and am looking forward to getting more sorted this year! I am getting pretty sick of seeing sausgaes at every one I go to though!' Bear in mind that this one had the stipulation in her profile that you must say sausages in your message.

I just have no idea what to put normally, it takes ages to send anything.

As far as i'm concerned there's absolute nowt wrong with any of that. I guess another Aspie male isn't the intended audience though.! I imagine a lot of attraction just comes down to looks. Also women on sites are able to wade through loads of different blokes and choose which one they like best so they can be absolutely brutal and scrutinize every message to the nth degree.

In that bit where you said "i dont follow norms" was that in response to something in their profile or just mentioned out of the blue?

No, alot of that message was based on stuff in her profile.

I don't think those are that bad... at least they actually show that you've read their pages and aren't just messaging everyone with a good picture.

There isn't really a purpose to tweetups other than to be sociable. I think quite a few computer programmers do use them for networking (there are a lot of them on twitter), but a lot of the regulars where I am are just people who moved here and realised that they didn't know anyone.