You have to love yourself...

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It's not easy to 'screen out' the bad ones.

I'm with em. People put on appearances for people they don't know very well yet. So I'll meet someone, think they're nice but after dating for a few months and I don't even recognize the person anymore. It's not like I can ask them on the first date, "hey are you going to beat me and then cheat on me?" They're going to lie. People lie, as they are petty with their own agendas.

I'm not going after popular people. I feel like you aren't understanding what I'm saying. I've been dating guys closer to the bottom of the social ladder. Popular people are mean to people like me. >.<

I don't get the whole 'popular thing.' I don't think it's relevant to your situation at all.

Yep. Dating is an act for most people - acting the way you think you should until the other person likes you enough to put up with your personal crazy. (not you specifically, in general i mean)

I think you have to keep trying. It only takes one good one to turn everything around.

I feel there was miscommunication. I never assumed you were dating popular people as you made it quite clear you were looking for less competitive ones. What I was trying to say is that the ones you were dating were "less popular" AND "less worthy". And what I am trying to say is that you can continue dating "less popular" ones, but they DON"T have to be "less worthy", since one has nothing to do with the other.

Also I never said you should screen people by asking them directly. Try to assess their attitude by the way they talk BEFORE you ask them out. You said that they don't even consider you dating material until you ask them out. That would be to your advantage since that means they would be honest. Talk to them about the girls they date, or used to date. Assess their attitude by the way they talk. Then, few months later, decide whom to ask out.

In my experience this is where a girl gets friend-zoned.

The popular thing isn't relevant to me so I'm confused as to why it's continually being brought up. I know I'm not popular and I don't want to be.

There's only so much disappointment I can take. Now if only Mom would get off my ass about when she's getting grandkids. I do want to be a mom but I'm not ready now at all. I can barely keep a relationship longer than three months, what makes her think I'm good enough for marriage? She was gorgeous when she was young and even her marriage went sour. She gained weight and Dad left. :/

Yup.

I can totally relate to that--I was seriously overweight from the age of 9 to about 17 and other kids wanted nothing to do with me because of the combo of being fat AND weird. (Being fat is supposed to be somehow less marginalizing for boys...it isn't.)

The only advice I can give you is based on something of my experience--it might be helpful or it might be useless:

I think I was lucky to have anywhere from no idea, to very little idea, at the time, why the other kids didn't like me. When I clued in, I couldn't figure out why you wouldn't like someone just because they were fat or different. My inability to understand the perspectives of those who bullied me protected my sense of self (at least until I was in my late teens) by allowing me to keep my opinions of myself and others' opinions of myself separate.

As an adult, I can see that the perspectives of other people can be useful in terms of evaluating myself in realistic terms...however, I still think there's value in filtering what other people say. So basically my advice is this:

If you can, try to think about what characteristics or qualities you value in people--would you dislike someone because they were fat, or because they were different from the mainstream (etc.) or do you like/dislike people based on other qualities? It can be hard to figure out what exactly you do think about these things if you've spent years taking adopting and accepting other people's ideas--in that case, you might try thinking in terms of your ideals....if there was a way you think people would, ideally be judged by others, what would this look like?

It might be helpful to think about what you believe about respecting other people and how you should treat others even when you don't like them very much. I've found that, for myself, this helps with filtering what people say about me and how they treat me...if what someone says about me or how they treat me is just plain cruel/inappropriate, that generally lowers the credibility of whatever they say about me (or anybody else).

I believe that everyone has value simply because they're alive, because they think and feel. If you think similarly, remembering that you're part of "everybody" might be the easiest place to start.

Um...what point is there in idealizing how people view each other? That's not how the world works. Not everyone thinks the same way. It would be delusional to think so.

Just taking up space doesn't mean you have value. What about the layabouts and deadbeat fathers? Rapists and pedophiles? Murders and lying politicians? Do these people have value simply for existing? :/

There are courses that are for boosting self esteem. I just thought about one thing to look out for though, I've noticed (based on posts from other WPers) that various courses and such dealing with self esteem may not work so well because of little to no understanding of those of us on the Autistic Spectrum, so you need to be sure before you'd start any such course that they really know about ASC because they could need to use a slightly different approach with one of us than they'd take with someone on the NT end of the scale.

Something that I found helped me aswell though was doing a certificate course about Adlerian Psycology and counseling skills. It may have been the structure of the course or it could have been the practicing counselling skills but my self esteem flew up doing that course better than doing anything I did before. It was a tough course but if you'd feel it would work for you, it would be worth a go. They also taught me some social skills as part of the course which was helpful too.

I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I was pushing my views on you--that was not my intent.

I wasn't actually trying to idealize how anybody views anybody else, I was only speaking for myself. I know that not everybody thinks the same way and I'm glad that everybody has different opinions and perspectives.

I chose to share my views as something to ponder....not knowing your views until you shared them, I thought that if you happened to think like I did, then my words might have been useful or comforting....I was wrong about that. I accept and respect that you don't share my perspectives. I'm sorry for sidetracking the thread. And since I think I've offended you: I'm also sorry for offending you.

I'm about to graduate college. I'm done with "homework" classes for now. After I get my diploma, my life's mission would be to get a job so I can pay off my loans. I won't have time or money to pay for another class. D:

I wish ya good luck! I'm not going to college anytime soon, myself, (can't afford it) but I will one day!

And I do hope some good comes your way.

I guess I was just wondering what you meant. I was just very upset that day as everyone seemed to be ganging up on me IRL and online. >.<

I hope so too. If things don't improve soon, I don't know how much longer I can take being such a sh***y and worthless life.

You're not either of them, you're wonderful.