I find confident men intoxicating. The metaphorical answer is that Confidence is proper posture for your personality. Stand up straight, shoulders back, head up... a version of that for who you are. I'm also attracted to a strong presence (the kind that gets everyone's attention in a room). I refer to men with this presence and confidence as "kings" because they rule whatever room they walk into. And rest assured that it's got nothing to do with money. I've seen a custodian as king and a rich man as... not. Here is the breakdown:
Steady eye contact that can look away and then look back without faltering. Avoid psycho-eyes by just looking the way you'd look at anything. Practice in a mirror with your own eyes so you can monitor what you do with them and gain some kind of comfort level with looking into eyes. After you have that down, you can practice communicating with your eyes... happy, somber, anger, lust, etc. But you don't need that communicating skill right away.
A clear speaking voice. Confident men don't have cracks in their voice and they don't mumble. They know what they're going to say when they say it, even if it's not the right answer. They don't stammer or change words mid-sentence.
A solid laugh that's full and simple, kept at the pitch of your speaking voice.
A strong smile, showing teeth, keeping eye contact, head up. Practice in a mirror so you find a smile that works. Get used to how it feels when you do it so you can smile confidently without a mirror.
Driven energy, which is different from hyperactive energy. Driven energy has a purpose, a mission, and is in the midst of accomplishing a task. Hyperactive energy is everywhere without control and you want to avoid that.
No fidgeting, no rocking back and forth on your heels, no picking at your clothes, no playing with your hair or tugging on your earlobes. No wiping your nose, scratching your chin, or clicking a pen. Keep control of yourself to remain solid. Practicing Mountain Pose and Tree Pose from yoga will help tremendously with this.
Solid footsteps. Don't bounce when you walk. Don't shuffle your feet. Don't march, either. But walk like you know where you're going and need to be there, even if you're lost. I have a very confident walk for a woman and wear cowboy boots with wood heels whenever possible. A woman in Walgreens freaked out because she heard me walking in the store and memories of her daddy came flooding back to her.
Like yourself. You need to understand who you are, what you're about, and what you're here to accomplish. If you don't know and like yourself, that lack of self-esteem will communicate loudly. When you know and like yourself, you become a complete person. You become YOU. Without it, you are a shadow of you. This person - who you are - does not have to be the most popular guy. You don't need to have views that everyone will agree with. This is about knowing what you're about and standing firmly behind that.
Knowing when to speak. You don't have to say something to be smart, to be seen, to be heard. Many confident men barely put in two cents. This is because your opinion should be worth more than two cents. You think what you think and you know what you know. This alone is enough for you. You can allow others to ramble on and debate. This is the kind of man who, when he's arguing with his girlfriend and she's completely wrong, he sees no need to argue further because he knows he's right and has nothing to prove. He seems kinder because of this.
Passionate lover. The difference between the stereotypical guy and a confident man (or "king") is that the stereotypical guy wants sex, whereas the confident man wants you. Using eye contact, a clear speaking voice, and resting on the self-assurance you have in who you are, creates a very solid foundation to allow a woman to feel like you're flirting because you are interested in her, not interested in just anybody. When you are that in control and driven with your energy and presence, communicating interest and flirting... which infers an ability to lose control with passion... is a great temptation.
Go get 'em.
11 May 2011, 10:13 am
