Skipping meals :(

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That is not true. One of my husbands friends lost about 100lbs and her husband stopped sleeping with her and started cheating on her. She was fat, and that is what he liked. Now she is skinny and he thinks she is very unappealing. But that is not so important.

The problem isn't being pretty enough. I mean, maybe some people are nicer to people they think are pretty, but do you really want to associate with people who are like that? I would not want people to be nice to me because they thought I was easy on the eyes. My body has little to do with the person I am. Besides, I think the chances of being used would be higher if a person was exceptionally good looking... especially by those people who only chase after pretty objects. That logic makes sense to me. I think that would be terrible... to enter into a friendship/relationship with a person only to find out that the thing that draws them to me is my body... especially if I liked them as a human being. I might run that person down with my car.

I am sorry you have had people treat you badly. I can tell you though that it had nothing to do with you and how you looked, rather, you just had some encounters with some horrible people and that is solely on them. I know it is easy to say, but try to not let the bastards get you down. Their loss... not yours.

Right. They missed out on sooooo much. Men loooooove a girl who hates herself so much that she randomly has mental breakdowns at work like I am now. Then there's the stretch marks, cellulite, moodiness due to sh***y diet food and crankiness from exercise.

I regularly forget to eat and drink. When I was still in High School, I was on a tournament with my team where our daily schedule was pretty packed, getting up in the morning, training, going to the field, having tournament matches, going back to the camp, training. Usually, before morning training, there was breakfast, and after evening training, we had a BBQ, but being around so many people all day long exhausted me so much that I pretty much just showered and went to bed, and in the morning, since I had rough nights due to too many people sleeping around me, I never got out of bad in such a timely fashion that I could attend breakfast. I didnt eat for three day, three days on which i probably burned three times as many calories as usual. Didn't realize until I came home, had an 10 hour sleep, that I was starving.

As a side note, I'd like to mention that judging from your picture, I find you to be very attractive, Erisad. I know that doesnt mean much from some random Aspie from the other end of the world posting it on an internet forums, but I thought it might cheer you up a little that I am serious about it. And I think I do know how grueling it can be to be overweight (like I already postet in the Health subforums, I used to be at around 290 lbs at 6'23'') and hating yourself for it.

Thanks.

I'm at 221 and 5'4". I used to be at 248 last summer. I've made progress but I feel like it's not enough. I want to aim to get back down to where I was before I left high school (180 pounds) and then I'll aim for getting down to where I was before the antidepressants (140 pounds). I was still chubby back then but a lot less. Maybe once I get down to 140, I'll aim for 125 and I should be okay then as if I were to get smaller than that, I would be anorexic.

This is pretty much the way to go! Have a plan. 2 and a half years agon, I wanted to do the same thing: get back into the shape I was in whe I was in High School. Just go there one step at a time and be sure to do it for nobody else but you, not to impress some guy or anything, at least that's how I did it and it worked quite well so far. I believe in you, you can do it!

But I fear that once I am in the "society approved weight range" I'll be too preoccupied with work and paying my loans to even have time to date. College was my last chance to meet someone as it's a social environment. If I couldn't find someone there, then I guess I'm screwed. Don't say, "you could meet someone at work." No. Mixing professional and personal life always leads to trouble. Especially for a writer that's supposed to be unbiased at all costs. >.<

Like I said, don't go there because it is "society approved", do it because you feel like it! With the other part, I can't give you any advice, as my wisdom ends there as well. I agree, mixing private and professional life is never a good thing, and I try as hard as I can to have as few overlapping relations as possible. I can only tell you this much: I was very unsatisfied with myself when I was overweight. Now, almost three years later, I am starting to feel something I haven't feld since... never: A small sense of accomplishment, the feeling I did something because I wanted it, because I wanted to change it. It involved some hardship, it still does, and almost all my spare time is devoted to keeping myself in motion (running, weightlifting, martial arts training) so it stays that way. It is not gonna be easy, but you will stop hating yourself at some point. I know I did. Eventually, if you slowly become more positive about yourself, you will attract other positive things. And just believe me, if there are folks like me who already think you are pretty, imagine how many there will be if YOU start thinking you are pretty as well. I may sound a little bit like some TV-Motivational-Guru, but sometimes they might be right. If you want something positive to happen to you, you gotta be positive. You seem to me as quite a deliberate thinker who is more self-aware of herself than most non-Aspies I know, which is I guess a trait we both share. You start thinking about what could happen, but a lesson my life has taught me is that sometimes you just gotta let life happen to you. And about being preoccupied: What do you think distracts you more? Working and paying loans or thinking about your inhibitions all the time and trying to force something that will happen all by itself (because, trust me, you will find someone, I am definitely sure about this)?

Its a rare day that I have more then one meal. I don't tend to get hungry very frequently for some reason. I stopped eating breakfast years ago as I would always feel really sick after eating right after waking up. I usually end up just eating dinner and maybe a few snacks over the day. I'm in pretty decent shape otherwise, but I suppose I could use more meat on me.

I went to College for 3 years and I've never dated anyone I've met there. The person I've recently been in on again/off again relationship with I met doing extracurricular. You meet people in all kinds of strange places, and at all ages of life. College is the tiniest part of your life. Plus I think the more worthwhile guys care less about appearance and more about personality. The afore mentioned guy only started liking me after we'd known each other a while (appearance-wise, I'm not his type). I've been in a relationship with two people in my life. One was the aford mentioned guy, and the other was a high school (y12) boyfriend. With him it was mainly an intellectual attraction thing (we were both nerds).

I won't lie and say I haven't been approached by numerous guys because of my appearance - because I have. But none of them I would consider dating for that very reason (the worthwhile ones may be attracted to my appearance or may not be, but they make an effort to get to know me as a person first before they court me). I have given one or two of these guys a go (a.k.a. gone on a date), but it's invariably a waste of time because we're not matched/suited personality-wise. I don't think I've ever met one of those "courting me because of my attractive appearance" who I felt I could relate to on a deeper level; and often they come to realize the same thing. When they don't, then it's my painful and annoying duty to reject them (painful because every time I do it it's another blow to my fragile self esteem, and I start to doubt my worth as a person again; thinking I'm a bad person for hurting people's feelings). It's a mistake to go after someone because of what they look like.

What I'm trying to say in a roundabout fashion is that you meet a guy you may be suited to through mutual interests and personality traits, and not appearance. Appearance means very little in the scheme of things when it comes to finding a partner - but it's a great asset if you enjoy male attention and one-night stands.

I like you Erisad, and I think you've got a very attractive personality (and in this world, for finding a good long term partner that's what counts). I think just continue being yourself and aim to meet and befriend guys and hopefully someone will come along who will be a match for you. It is probably going to be harder for you to find someone, not because of physical appearance (btw - I don't think you're unattractive at all, you just don't fit the current social stereotype of what's supposed to be attractive. A.k.a., it's a load of crap, but it is very brainwashing), but because of AS. We are unusual and a minority, so it's harder to find people we can connect to on a deeper level. I think the only reason I've managed to find two people in my life so far is because I am such a social person (for an Aspie), I am involved in diverse extracurricular as well as uni and thus I've met hundreds of people (a.k.a. I have over 800 people on my facebook, and most of them aren't AS). Sometimes sheer numbers can help (the more people you meet, the more likely it is you'll meet someone who's a match).

Full of lefties and food-allergics.

What's wrong with this?

Speaking as someone who's recovered from years of eating disorders, DO NOT GO DOWN THIS ROUTE. Don't you dare!
I can pick up from what you're saying that part of you would like to, but it's not a good idea.

Ohhh, everything but the grilled tomatoes (peppers? I can't tell. Actually, they'd be good if they were peppers. Tomatoes aren't good plain.) looks good.

I do have a very poor appetite, especially going with the bottomless-pit-teenage-boy stereotype. I never eat breakfast, rarely lunch, and sometimes not even dinner. The past few weeks especially I have barely eaten anything. Most of the days I've gotten through just eating a couple snacks, not even a full meal's worth of food. I know I'm hungry, but I just can't eat anything. I've lost like 7 or 8 pounds in the past couple months, and I'm not even overweight. My BMI is 21.1 about. I don't think it's an eating disorder though, probably just because of being bipolar, so depression.

Last edited by dunbots on 27 Apr 2011, 8:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Everything is perception, you don't want a long term relationship with someone who treats you well because they perceive you're pretty.

You want a long term relationship, because someone loves and likes you for who you are. Women shouldn't be overweight, men shouldn't be overweight (or too skinny) but that doesn't mean that they can't or don't look good overweight. There's not a universally accepted method of beauty anyway you cut it. If you get a person who likes you for looks alone, you're going to be with someone who treats you like crap and doesn't value you in the slightest.

You look fine as you are now, if you're not satisfied with yourself work on it. But you need to cut yourself some slack. Critique's fine to motivate you, but it can go overboard. To others who read your posts, the first thing that comes to mind is for you to love yourself more.

I just feel that my AS already puts me at a disadvantage so I have to compensate for it by being pretty. "She's a social ret*d but at least she's pretty." It works for a lot of people who are lacking in personality. I know that lots of people like me...only as a friend though. If I had a smaller waist like my friends, I wouldn't have a problem at all. It annoys me when a b***h is manipulating her bf who treats her well and she can get away with it only because she's pretty. Same for the b*****s who get out of parking tickets by flirting with the cop. Not fair. >.<

I don't know what others here think, but I don't think you're lacking in personality.

I understand what you mean about compensation though. For years I was (and still am in some ways) obsessed with getting top grades because I figured that if I was a social ret*d at least I could do well academically. I got way over upset about having a slightly lower grade than what I would normally get, even if it was still above average.

I kinda substituted "social ret*d" with personality. I have no idea why. >.>

I went with my friends to play in the fountain after rehearsal today and we were having fun, until they took off their shirts and continued splashing each other. It got awkward for me at that point because I knew that if I were to join in on that, I would have been arrested for public indecency. Or the a**holes watching us would have said something to make me cry again. So I kind of backed off from that point. I feel left out sometimes in situations like that, especially when I had difficulty climbing up the rocks to sit on top of the wall. If I had less of me to lift, I would have had no problem. They don't seem to get how much harder it is since I weight twice as much as they do. I want to be like them. Small waists and curvy. It's really not fair. >.<