15 May 2011, 6:30 pm
15 May 2011, 6:55 pm
zen_mistress wrote:
Maybe a strategy to balance out receiving a lot of compliments, is to believe the compliments, and then the following:
Lets say someone says that I am pretty for example. To balance that out I look around at other people and then think "they are pretty too." and then though I have accepted the compliment it doesnt go to my head as I remind myself that everyone has their own brand of beauty.
Or whatever the compliment is. Anyway that might be a helpful tool... I dont think you are narcissistic anyway.
Lets say someone says that I am pretty for example. To balance that out I look around at other people and then think "they are pretty too." and then though I have accepted the compliment it doesnt go to my head as I remind myself that everyone has their own brand of beauty.
Or whatever the compliment is. Anyway that might be a helpful tool... I dont think you are narcissistic anyway.
Also accepting compliments will help as well by going an a gratitude rampage, any time you receive a compliment you just have to say two magic words "thank you" & it helps in believing in the compliments
15 May 2011, 9:20 pm
cdfox7 wrote:
zen_mistress wrote:
Maybe a strategy to balance out receiving a lot of compliments, is to believe the compliments, and then the following:
Lets say someone says that I am pretty for example. To balance that out I look around at other people and then think "they are pretty too." and then though I have accepted the compliment it doesnt go to my head as I remind myself that everyone has their own brand of beauty.
Or whatever the compliment is. Anyway that might be a helpful tool... I dont think you are narcissistic anyway.
Lets say someone says that I am pretty for example. To balance that out I look around at other people and then think "they are pretty too." and then though I have accepted the compliment it doesnt go to my head as I remind myself that everyone has their own brand of beauty.
Or whatever the compliment is. Anyway that might be a helpful tool... I dont think you are narcissistic anyway.
Also accepting compliments will help as well by going an a gratitude rampage, any time you receive a compliment you just have to say two magic words "thank you" & it helps in believing in the compliments
But if I believed all the compliments I'd be a narcissist be default.
I just get way too many compliments. I don't think it's healthy. I've even had two different people say to me they believe I'm a reincarnated angel (and one of them meant it). I mean, seriously?? People constantly tell me I'm perfect, intelligent, beautiful, etc etc. I don't know if it's normal to receive that amount of compliments I feel I do. If it is normal, how do people cope with it? Will middle of the line thinking as hyperlexian suggests be enough? I am deathly afraid of becoming a narcissist, it would be a terrible fate.
Maybe complaining about receiving too many compliments is a terrible thing to complain about. See - this is why I am so not perfect. If only people would stop calling me perfect, or saying I have no flaws. It's been tearing me apart for a long time. (I'm probably talking more IRL than online here btw, I don't think I receive inordinately more compliments than other people on this site, thank god). In the same breath I think it would be sad never to receive a compliment, although it would be preferable to receiving insults instead (which is bad for self esteem).
I'm paranoid and stupid and annoying
I should stop spamming the forum with stupid complaints. I'm sorry.
15 May 2011, 9:40 pm
15 May 2011, 9:59 pm
sunshower wrote:
But if I believed all the compliments I'd be a narcissist be default.
I just get way too many compliments. I don't think it's healthy. I've even had two different people say to me they believe I'm a reincarnated angel (and one of them meant it). I mean, seriously?? People constantly tell me I'm perfect, intelligent, beautiful, etc etc.If you think it & believe it then it will happen. sorry to be blunt but that's sounded like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Also to note how you view you & how other people view you are two different things.
sunshower wrote:
I don't know if it's normal to receive that amount of compliments I feel I do. If it is normal, how do people cope with it? Will middle of the line thinking as hyperlexian suggests be enough? I am deathly afraid of becoming a narcissist, it would be a terrible fate.
What is normal? Normal is just a setting an a setting on a washing machine! Let my rephrase you question about hyperlexian's wonderful and fabulous suggestions, so than you understand. Will Cognitive behavioral therapy help you with this issue? YES IT WILL!
sunshower wrote:
Maybe complaining about receiving too many compliments is a terrible thing to complain about. ...
I'm paranoid and stupid and annoying I should stop spamming the forum with stupid complaints. I'm sorry.
I'm paranoid and stupid and annoying
I should stop spamming the forum with stupid complaints. I'm sorry. Good that your starting to become aware that you current thinking is having a hand in this issue of yours. Let me end this with a story, to help you understand what you your carrying around with you now.
Two monks were once traveling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was falling. Coming around the bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection. “Come on, girl,” said the first monk. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud. The second monk did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. “We monks don’t go near females,” he said. “It is dangerous. Why did you do that?” “I left the girl there,” the first monk said. “Are you still carrying her?
15 May 2011, 10:04 pm
sunshower wrote:
I'm paranoid and stupid and annoying I should stop spamming the forum with stupid complaints. I'm sorry.
I should stop spamming the forum with stupid complaints. I'm sorry. no, no, and no. you're none of those things. your feelings are real and true and there is nothing wrong with having difficulties like this.
can you see the spiral you are creating for yourself? i have it all out of order and probably missed stuff but you get the idea:
1. receive compliment
2. after brief elevation, feel unworthy and bad
3. feel guilty for feeling unworthy and bad
4. suppress the bad feelings
5. repeat step 1
i am intimately familiar with my own personal spiral, trust me. i was suddenly struck one day that i was beating myself up for having negative emotions (and i STILL do this, i am not cured by any means). the stuff going on inside your own head is every bit as real and important as anyone else's problems, and nothing is trivial if it creates such awful feelings inside you.
jiminy cricket it's like people IRL are setting you up to fail because nobody can be *that* perfect! how can you possibly attain or maintain the standards you have set for yourself, or that others have set for you? it's just not possible and i hope that over time you can see that you are worthwhile along with your flaws, not in spite of them.
15 May 2011, 11:02 pm
15 May 2011, 11:06 pm
16 May 2011, 1:26 am
swbluto
Veteran
Joined: 26 Feb 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,899
Location: In the Andes, counting the stars and wondering if one of them is home to another civilization
17 May 2011, 2:08 am
swbluto
Veteran
Joined: 26 Feb 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,899
Location: In the Andes, counting the stars and wondering if one of them is home to another civilization
17 May 2011, 2:25 am
17 May 2011, 2:53 am
17 May 2011, 8:59 am
swbluto
Veteran
Joined: 26 Feb 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,899
Location: In the Andes, counting the stars and wondering if one of them is home to another civilization
17 May 2011, 9:14 am
cdfox7 wrote:
swbluto wrote:
Quote:
[i]Two monks were once traveling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was falling. Coming around the bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection. “Come on, girl,” said the first monk. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud. The second monk did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. “We monks don’t go near females,” he said. “It is dangerous. Why did you do that?”
“I left the girl there,” the first monk said. The first monk continued, “Are you still carrying her?"
“I left the girl there,” the first monk said. The first monk continued, “Are you still carrying her?"
Can someone explain this story? I don't get "the moral" which leads me to believe I didn't get "the story".
It seems the reader is at first led to believe that the first monk picked up the girl and then dropped her off after crossing the mud.
Then, at their meeting at the lodge, after the second monk accuses the first monk of violating a cardinal sin, the first monk denies picking up the girl and reveals that it was the second monk that picked her up and carried her across and it's not known if he has put her down.
Am I missing something?
OK I'll explain. Yes it was a sin (error is a better work for it) for the first monk to physical carry the girl however he let go of her.
The second monk was still mental carrying the girl & didn't let her go. The moral there is that there are things in life we mental carry when we need to let go of them.
Swbltuo, do you now understand?
I think so. So I take it the word "carry" was used in two different ways in this story, with the second monk using it in the physical sense, while the first monk was using it in the mental sense? I wonder if the "mental" sense of the word 'carry' might be more often used in other countries (Like the UK and other countries where Queen's English is predominate), and US readers would be less likely to understand the story's meaning? (Or is it "just me"?
)
Hey, Sunshower, do you speak the Queen's English?
17 May 2011, 9:28 am
swbluto wrote:
I think so. So I take it the word "carry" was used in two different ways in this story, with the second monk using it in the physical sense, while the first monk was using it in the mental sense? I wonder if the "mental" sense of the word 'carry' might be more often used in other countries (Like the UK and other countries where Queen's English is predominate), and US readers would be less likely to understand the story's meaning? (Or is it "just me"? )
Hey, Sunshower, do you speak the Queen's English?
)Hey, Sunshower, do you speak the Queen's English?
here in Canaduh we use the word "carry" to mean both a physical and mental burden.
17 May 2011, 9:37 am
swbluto wrote:
I think so. So I take it the word "carry" was used in two different ways in this story, with the second monk using it in the physical sense, while the first monk was using it in the mental sense? I wonder if the "mental" sense of the word 'carry' might be more often used in other countries (Like the UK and other countries where Queen's English is predominate), and US readers would be less likely to understand the story's meaning? (Or is it "just me"? )
Hey, Sunshower, do you speak the Queen's English?
)Hey, Sunshower, do you speak the Queen's English?
Yes, I speak the Queen's English. The word carry has multiple meanings, the same multiple meanings are used in American English as well. A lot like the story I used it too has multiple meanings, metaphors are the same. Stories and metaphors are very powerful change tools
