My Relationship Just Ended

Post Reply New Topic

I feel so bad for you, I know how you feel.

I found this helpful
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/coping_ ... reakup.htm

try to distract yourself as much as you can by keeping busy and trying to do things to treat yourself. Im buying myself a new hamster to try and make myself feel better, hamsters are very loving and cute.

I would say to spend time with your family if your friends have disapeerd, but nothing makes the pain go away I think except time.

Try not to beg her back though as I did that and it made things worse, best to let her come to realise she made the wrong decision without 'forcing her hand'. Someone said to me once 'the 'one' loves you back', so remember that and if its meant to be she will come back, if its not meant to be, you can be strong and get through it. People can cope with lots of suffering so you an get through it.

I hope it gets better.

Even though I've found the courage inside myself to keep going, it's hard to live life with so much of a loss.

With what feels like the loss of my friends.

With the loss of what could have been.

But I won't give up faith. The only person who can make things happen is myself. The only person that can learn what I think is right, is myself. The only person that can carve out my own future is myself.

Remember that, please. Nothing's out of my reach, or yours. Nothing's impossible. Fight for what you think is right, and make the world what you want it to be.

That's what I learned from all this. You have to fight to keep the things you care for close to you. You have to fight to make as much peace and happiness as you can in the world. You have to fight to make sure that everything's right, and that your loved ones are happy.

I'll find my own way, like I always have. My way will still be to you. It will be up to you to decide if you want to come on my path with me again.

It'll be a prettier path than it was before, I promise that. And we had a lot going, so that's saying a lot.

I'm surprised. I honestly am.

I don't know what to make of what you said to me, because, well.

It's what you said before we got together. I just don't feel like it's right: you got over your fear of relationships through trying with me. I wish you'd try with me again. That you'd let me show you we could achieve the "learning" you were looking for.

I guess I can't really ask for much else. You can decide to do whatever you want to. But what is it you're trying to learn?

Is it a perceived need to "grow up"? Because you don't need to. You aren't underdeveloped or weak in any way.

Is it a fear of getting too attached? I guess I can understand that. But then that fights against what you taught me while we were together: that while getting attached to people gives you a chance to get hurt, it also lets you feel great things.

I hope you learn it soon: I'm waiting to pick up where we left off, so we can be happy together again

Your birthday card was the greatest thing you ever gave me. Do you know that? I've gotten video game systems, a GPS, money, and even other cards, but what could beat the card you gave me?

I've been keeping it nearby. Even if I had to remove your picture from my cell phone, and my wallet, this card will always be in my heart.

You hit so many weak spots (in a good way) with what you did.

You knew I loved captain falcon, you knew I loved him SO MUCH that a card with him on it would just make me extremely happy.

And what you wrote. What you wrote was the greatest thing I'd ever heard in a card before.

"Dear you,

This is doubly a special occasion: it's your birthday and (yesterday) it was our 7-month anniversary. It's awesome that these fall so close together.

Today you are 20 years old- no longer a teenager. You probably don't feel too different, but hey, in just 1 years time you can [and I love the typo you made here on it] legally drink

These last seven months have been really great. Though we've had issues, we've worked through them, and i think this just shows how awesome we both can be. Thanks tons for being so, so awesome. You are the best boyfriend ever

So, congrats on your 20th year and lets have many more excellent months together. I love you."

It all builds up, you know. It starts out just nice to read. But then I feel the love in it. I feel how much you cared for me. And it gets harder and harder to hold back tears.

Thank you for giving me the best birthday of my life. It would've been another normal one without your presence and your good wishes.

You made my life so much better, more than you know. I know you feel bad about the parts you played in our issues (it turns out we had more than we were able to notice, eh?) but to me...

to me, you were nothing but a ray of sunshine. Even on our bad days, I loved seeing your beautiful face, and holding you close when we saw how much our difficulties communicating hurt us.

You sang to me once. It was when we were relaxing together on my bed. You sang "you are my sunshine". I didn't know what to think of it at first, but it only took a few moments for me to fall into bliss and just hear you sing in your beautiful voice to me.

This card will be with me forever. I can't bring myself to take down your pictures from my mirror next to my bed. I already took out too many. I can't let go of you.

Sincerely,

"the best boyfriend ever"

I think one thing I learned after we had broken up was that we didn't both need to have the same level of affection shown in public.

I had huge desires to kiss you on the cheek in front of our friends. Nothing too PDA, but enough to show you my love when I really felt it. I know if I had the chance now, I'd be (trying) to wrestle with you like you said you'd be willing to try.

And if it'd make you feel uncomfortable, I know we'd be able to do it alone. We did it before. You were stronger than I was (didn't help that I was tired sometimes after having some fun, heh) but it wasn't who won our wrestling matches that made it fun. It was that we did them at all.

Strangely enough, it didn't happen as much as I thought it would. That's kind of a bummer to think about now, just because whenever I'd win, I'd get to blow on your ear for a little while, and you'd get cute goosebumps all over your body. You'd make those cute little noises you made each time I did it, and then you'd keep (jokingly) whispering "nooooooo". I knew you liked it though. You loved it, I think. It was our thing together: I was ticklish everywhere. You were ticklish on your ears. It was the cutest damn spot to be ticklish at too.

I can still almost smell your hair, by the way. It's a scent my brain's grown to love so much that I can't stop perceiving it. When I think of you it's often there. When I wake up in the morning... while I'm still in that "daze" where you're half awake, half dreaming. I imagine I'm holding you close, like the few times we were able to sleep in the same bed together, and I just caressed you all over while I took in your scent.

I knew you liked mine too. Nothing made me happier than when you wanted one of my shirts. Or at least I thought that would be the case, until you said you wore it to bed each night, and that the smell helped you fall asleep. You said it reminded you of me, and that it was really relaxing.

I'm afraid of forgetting what you smelt like. What you felt like to hold. How soft your skin was, and how warm you always were to the touch (except your feet, haha. Those were always a bit on the cold side. Even if it was shocking it was still something to expect

I'm afraid of forgetting you in general. I'm really afraid that you'll find someone else, because then I have to dedicate to forgetting you.

Knowing what we had... thinking of you being with another person, even if it's a long ways from now. It just hurts too much to think of. We said we were going to live together, at some point. That we'd come home to an apartment, make something to eat, relax on the couch, talk, do our own thing and then when it came time to sleep, we'd rest in each others' arms again.

And that'd happen each night. Maybe not in that order, and it'd be different. But knowing that I'd always be able to sleep next to you made me so happy. The naive dreams of two people in love, eh?

I'm sad we didn't get to celebrate our one year anniversary, like we talked about. You know: how we'd go to a hotel for a weekend, just you and I. We'd see some sights. Have lots of "fun"

It was our "Christmas" since we weren't christian, even if our families were.

Still missing you,

Vince

I said I went to sleep: but honestly, I can't sleep. I won't be able to sleep for a while. That's just how I've been lately. The truth is, I went offline because it was getting progressively harder and harder to not talk to you.

I heard our song on the radio not too long ago. It caught me off guard. It made my cry really hard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JKOnYh6snc

"I will be calling you to see,
If you're sleeping are you dreaming,
if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me
I can't believe, you actually picked me"

It's how I really felt when we got together. I knew of the song beforehand, but you brought up how some people have a song. I'm glad, every day, that you liked this song, because it expressed how we felt for each other really, really clearly.

It did feel like it just... "worked". Like it was OUR song (it's kinda silly to think a song can belong to even one person, not to mention between two but... that's what it felt like), and that it symbolized what we meant to each other.

Strange how another song can put into words what I feel sometimes, now that we're apart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDxgSvJI ... ure=relmfu

And by the same band too: what do you know?

I'm crying now, listening to this song. Realizing that I didn't do as much for you as I could have. Realizing that I mistreated you, even if I never abused you. You were always there to make me feel better. You always wanted to pick me up when I was down on the ground, stressed or bothered by anything. But I didn't let you: I knew that my pride would be the downfall of everything. My pride's broken now, along with my heart. I want you back to mend it, but my heart won't "just mend".

I'm sorry I ever stopped talking to you for as long as I used to. I'm missing the nights where we'd talk for hours and hours upon end. I'm missing the nights where we'd stay up, just talking about how much we missed each other, how much we wanted to hold and hug each other, how much we wanted to give each other backrubs (I still think I'm only okay at it, but you always thought they were amazing. I hope they were. They were amazing for me). How we'd talk about religion, politics, genetics, the future, what our lives meant, anything that came to mind.

I'm afraid of never having those again with you.

This is the longest week I have ever experienced, without question. But there's got to be a purpose to that. Maybe it's to make me see what I did do wrong? They say people only learn... only change, once they've been through a lot of pain. I don't know what it was called, but someone said it was related to something in religion, and it had to do with a "really difficult night" in which you are subjected to horrors and fear, only to come out stronger at the end of it all.

I'm sorry for the night I put you through. I'm sorry for any pain I caused.

I love you. I still do. I always will.

Day four of the break up. Things took a turn for the worse, following a nightmare.

I dreamed of seeing a status update where you got together with someone else. Funny how tech's become that big of a deal in my life eh? I didn't dream of you holding hands with someone else (in fact, when it came to the name of the person you ended up getting with, it was some weird conglomeration of most people we knew), I dreamed of a status update, haha.

When I saw it, I felt my heart sink. The heart sinking turned into burning, an after staring at it in the dream for so long, I finally woke up, and cried.

I fell asleep last night around 4:30 - 5:00. I can't sleep anymore without you. When I do sleep though, I make sure to get a lot. Not for my own sake, no. It's because being awake is too difficult.

It hurts too much to be conscious, and only able to think of the things I've lost without having you.

For some reason, sexual things were on my mind recently. I can't (and won't) go into details, but you probably knew I'd miss you pretty hard in that department too. You were great, even if sometimes you felt like you weren't.

Still waiting

I was able to actually play a game for a while today. I guess that's a sign of improvement. I won too, and had a decent time. Ended up being the pivotal player for my team.

I'm still wanting to talk to you. I hope you'll let me soon.

Still thinking about you

Funny how I'm able to enjoy minecraft again. Maybe it's because it provides a mindless (and mind numbing) activity to distract me from everything that's going on.

Didn't find anything valuable. I have plans though for this base I made.

Big plans. I just need time to get everything I need.

(it'll probably be better than the heart I made, by the way)

Hoping you have fun too

It's about 10:41 at night, and it's hard to not talk to you.

I know you're talking to your friends a lot lately. C, G, probably A, E and T too.

I wish I could talk to you. It's hard to be online, with you online too, knowing you're talking to others and I just... can't.

I can't engage in casual conversation without wanting to call you "hon" or "baby".

I can't talk to you and have to hold back the urge to say "I love you"

I can barely stand not being able to say "I love you" when we both go to bed. I can only say Goodnight because... well, it's all I get to say as of late.

I'm glad you at least say that to me.

I can't stand being without you for very long. I've got therapy on monday, but that probably won't make my desire to have you back go away.

I really, really want to talk to you. And I really, really want what we had back.

I want to relax on my bed again. I want to rest my head near your chest and breathe in really deep your beautiful, flowery scent.

It's hard. I've had a lot of things test me before, but being without you is the most painful thing ever.

But what am I being tested for? I know YOU aren't testing me, but it feels like life is right now.

Still wishing we could meet,

Vince

Oh man. I thought this was all over.

When you contacted me again, this little voice was like "thank god", because I was hoping you were wanting to talk about what happened.

No, I realize that's not the case now. I'm sorry it was as short as it was. I just... don't think I can chat normally for a while.

It's really, really difficult. I wish you would meet me to discuss this. I wish I could talk to you about what's holding you back. I still miss you, and I want to work through anything with you.

I really hope it's soon.

Day five, I think it is now.

Have you started to miss me yet?

I finally got to talk to J, although it was only for a little while, Ca came in and interrupted any serious talking.

I hope explaining things to you last night helped make sense of some things. I hope more than that that you'll still come around and want to talk about getting together again soon.

I get that you'd be afraid of it. It only makes sense, with how bad it got right before we broke up. But I can't really see you as being the type that would have forgotten and didn't want what we had.

All the cuddling. All the "fun" we had.

And now that I've got a job we'd be able to do so much more too. Still give it some thought, okay?

Still thinking of you,

Vince

Here's that poem you liked. I never sent it to you like you asked me to, and I don't know if I can really keep it on my phone for much longer (then again, since we barely talk anymore and youw ere the one that texted me the most it'll probably be there for a while), so I'm just gonna place it here.

I never liked it but you... you always liked my poetry. I made some small changes where I thought it necessary (my rhyming got bad halfway through, but you remember that)

Though the sky rains down,
Tears from above
I miss you now, my only love
I was lost in the tenebris of myself
My love and desires, put to a shelf
I want to hold you
When my heart desires
The pain I felt
A raging fire
Though lost and scared
When I lay at night
I feel myself filled with utter fright
the world I fear, one without you
Filled with despair and pain
too abysmal to be true
My love was turned from the outside in
It was a monstrous thing
An awful sin
Plaguing my heart, it grew weary and cold
my desire to love, had once grown old
I still feel that flicker
That burning ember
it's at this time you must remember
that at our darkest time, and our bleakest hour
I swore to you we'd laugh once more, my flower
The darkness will fade
The light will unbind
The chains to my heart
Your love on my mind
I miss my girl with the hazel hair
Because any other, does not compare
Her eyes of green, nature's sign
Her smile an angel's, so divine
her laugh is a song that speaks to my soul
a laugh I'd hear till I've grown old
Her smile a symbol, everlasting bliss
the sight of which I surely miss
Yet I lay here, in my ice cold bed
Word's relaying, loud in my head
I miss her touch, her relaxing breaths
For her I'd die a thousand deaths
but tonight I feel pain that's true
for it's a night I sleep without you
I miss you lover, more than you know
and though I was reckless, quick and wrong
I needed you there to keep me strong
I'll hold you soon, in my arms real tight
And someday we'll sleep, I'm sure of it
On another warm summer's night.