My mom attempted suicide

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I too am sorry this is happening to you.

I hope someone comes into the picture that will take some of the responsibility off your shoulders, maybe someone that will make her see her doctors, get her as healthy as she can be.

You do need support, it's great you realize that. You do not have anything to feel guilty about. As a mom, what she did is off the charts wrong, whether she meant to die or not, no matter what someone said or did to her. I hope they find out what may be wrong with her and give you all some hope for a better future. Maybe it's best to try and stay positive and think maybe someone where she is will help her and help all of you family members too.

Well sorry I been gone. I needed the soilitude, I build energy only when I am alone. Doing alot better.
My siblings have been so good to me and so have all my pals here on WP. I could not ask for better. My mom is not making much progress because the hospital wont address her thyroid issue, so I am going up there tomrrow with my brother.

Well here is the latest, she is hyperthyroid as I suspected but like I also said is that she already had her thyroid removed and ablated but
her levels are high for some unknown reason. Yes she was diagnosed with hashomotos years ago which was why it was removed. It is not that easy as a fix because nobody knows how or why she is doing this.

I stayed at my brother's the first night, and then went to clean the house the next day. Last time I wrote, I was unsure of how my sister would react to me not sleeping. She let me sleep until 1:00 pm and then she took me shopping for supplies. She cleaned the house mostly along with my brother in law while I slept. I cleaned up quite a bit when I woke up. She wanted to make the house clean and calm for me, she also bought me some more clothes and groceries for a few weeks. My brother has taken mom to the hospital while she was screaming the whole way. He has been checking on me, calling a few times a day, bringing suppiles as I am here alone without transportation, but only a phone call away from my brother who can be here as soon as 15 minutes if there is a problem. I also have my dogs here, a pit bull mix named Dixie, and a crazy tasmanian devil (chi-pom) named Yin. They make a good alert team.

My brother has been working overtime at work as well as being there for me. His bosses are out for 10 days and he is the only manager in the store doing to work of 3 managers. I hope he gets a promotion for this. He is really talented as far as management and sales, he is a super NT, but a lovable one, at least if your on his good side, which I usually am. He doesnt understand me and the feeling is mutual but we love each other anyway. He's my baby brother, but you would never guess. He has been telling me what to do since he was 5 years old and I was 14.

I am the oldest, but the most impacted by ASD, my sister is an aspie, but very high functioning.

But anyway, my family has really come together and has been there for me. Thank you all for your wonderful support. I have true friends here.

As for mom, we are going up to visit her tomorrow. She has given me a list of things she needs. I told her how seeing her like that has impacted me, and now she really feels bad, which that was not my intention, but she was so wrapped up in herself and her issues she was totally not seeing how she impacted me.

Still having trouble sleeping at night with images blood everywhere and her flashing in my mind as I am trying to sleep, but the solitude and cuddling with my dogs while watching Nat Geo, Discovery, and history channel has been the best therapy. The solitude has given me energy and clairity.
I am still fighting the irrational guilt that I may have provoked this by standing my ground...but I am going to dive into an art project soon to defy that guilt.

Anyway, in short, ya'll are great!! !

Jojo

I’m glad we were able to help. And alone time is good. I find alone time healthful and rejuvenating, too.

I have one sister a year and a half younger than me. At one time, when we were maybe 8 and 9, my Mom talked about having another child.

My sister is aspie, too. But we’re different from each other. We’re not on good terms. I think it started when we were in high school and she saw me crashing and I was like a living, breathing example of how she did not want to go. Basically, it scared the sh!t out of her. I scared the sh!t out of her.

I have a speech difference in that I have a nasal voice and come across as uber nerd (sometimes people think I’m gay or even a flamer <-- and whatever my sexual orientation, I am against this kind of stereotyping). My sister has a far more mainstream voice. Talking to my family and telling them that I think I have Asperger’s / Autism Spectrum has not exactly been a roaring success to say the least! At least not immediately. It might give my sister a headups with her children. I need more well-documented examples like Thomas Jefferson or Jane Austen, of historical persons who may well have been on the spectrum. And also, and I think is this needed across the board, more examples of people who have achieved medium success, who precisely because they aren’t famous, we haven’t really heard of! I still hope to make it big in business, or journalism, maybe even songwriting, and of course there are a lot of external factors and luck factors. And heck, there’s a lot to be said for a comfortable middle class income. And I definitely think we as a society should provide help and assistance, a quiltwork of safety nets.

I have been back living with my parents for the last three years after living on my own for the 20+ years and it has been difficult.

I only have my one sister. I have sometimes thought if my parents had gone ahead with a third child. I used to think it would be a bad thing to bring another child into our crazy-making, cloistered family. Later I thought, well, this nice little baby and later child would have had a chance to exist. And I might have been more of a coach and a builder and a low-key leader, which I can be good at. With my sister, esp since we were close in age, we were more competitive. And she took some of my Mom’s worries and obsessions more directly seriously and literally, and that made my sister a good person for ridicule. I am not proud of that part.

Jojo, thank you very much for your suggestion about nasal speech. You give me a new opening, a new method, and really a new toy to play with for I like vocal exercises. I have seen two different speech therapists as an adult, and they were so much better than the people who did speech therapy when I was in junior high and elementary school. In school, the person would say “again . . again . . again” without saying how to make the sound. It was really awfully. I was working on r sounds (red, court, bright) which I guess I got, but it could have been so much easier if the person had been, I suppose, engaged in the actual conversation and the actual activity. As an adult, these different therapist could tell me how to position my tongue and what I might feel as I did the sound correctly, working on sharper s sounds, also more volume through my mouth with h sounds.

I would do a lot of exercises reading into a tape recording. In fact, I would sometimes rewrite the passage I was reading (in pencil in the book) and I think this helped make me a better writer. I would combine this with reading lists of words, and the whole thing was kind of a meditative exercise.

Two different dentists have told me that I have a larger than normal uvula, so that more air would be directed upward through my nose. At the same time, I had a bunch of allergies as a kid, so I think my ears may well have been stuffed, so I can see wanting to direct the sound to feel it. I think both might be contributing factors. As well as being aspie and my senses being different, sometimes wanting more sensation, sometimes less. (had a hearing test about 15 yrs ago, generally normal) (two different ear, nose, and throat doctors didn't notice anything structural)

If it’s a crowded, noisy place like a bar, I have difficulty projecting. In addition, very soon my voice gets dry and I need water.

I have been told I have a good phone voice. And in some ways, I kind of like my voice, and I think some other people do , too, but rather a minority of people, and I guess that's okay. I just wish there weren't so much negative labelling and the putting of people into boxes.

I can see how taking care of a parent could be its own special kind of hell. Please trust your feelings and your thinking as I’m sure you’re doing. Maybe recruit some of your other siblings to be more active? Not the one person who’s tremendously busy, almost in crisis management mode at work, and whether or not this is appreciated depends of course on whether the boss is a reality-oriented individual. But maybe some of the others? And maybe one of them could get the ball rolling on having a home care attendant come in a couple of times a week? I tell myself, medium step, feedback, medium step, and believe it or not, that sometimes does help. Good luck with everything, and wishing you good things

Jojo, thank you for being in there pitching. But . . . I think the miracle is unlikely and I just can't count on it. I am 48 years old, soon to be 49. My sister is 47.

My sister has not treated me with equal respect for a long time. She gets all involved in my business, gives a lot of specific advice, challenges various deeply held beliefs of mine, talks about helping me, and then---either bails or goes through a mere pro forma motion. I know I should perhaps be more christian about it, or since I'm atheist/agnostic, perhaps more buddhist compassion, something like that. But she doesn't even acknowledge and that's the hard part. For example maybe saying, I know we talked about me trying to help you find job leads in this area, but I just have so much going on right now. She doesn't say that. She's trapped in a suck-y marriage and that drains so much of her energy, and I know I should be compassionate about that, yes, I should, that would be a gift to myself. But I am very much a human being, not a saint. And when she treats me shabbily or dismissively, yes, it does hurt.

The dynamic of my family seems to be that I used to be the hero of the family in my first two years of high school, and then things flipped, and I became the scapegoat. If I knew then what I know now, I would not have accepted the hero role, matter-of-factly saying 'I'm just a regular person.' But how would I possibly have known that then? It felt good to be the hero. But it was an unexpected trap.

Alright . . . about speech. One therapist told me the S sound had a moderate air stream down the center of the tongue without overdoing it.

Oh, wow, as far as getting a good doctor(s) for your Mom. You know, they've done a study of decision making procedures among doctors, and how a doctor initially characterizes something has a huge effect. So, maybe a fresh start with a doctor who's going to take the thyroid issue seriously from the get go (as obviously he or she should). And people overlook it, but I think there's a lot of potential to a family practitioner or internist who has some good horse sense and can refer as necessary, esp since your Mom has two different serious issues.

Good luck with everything (just like in poker, sometimes I'd rather be lucky than good), and sorry I was a little bit slow getting back.