"It gets better."

Post Reply New Topic

I'd at least try to get an associates or some kind of degree before you quit.

In what? Besides I can always go back once again if I decide to.

Well no need for me to start a new thread........but everything seems to suggest I should just end it.

I have no motivation this semester, I am probably already way behind....I don't have any good job skills or anything so I feel like I will fail at finding or keeping a job and no college or job means no way to really survive. So what good will that do? I know my mom says I can stay at her place as long as I need to but I am pretty sure in the next couple of years she is going to pressure me to move out and stuff like that. Not to mention if I drop out and can't find work then guess who has to pay for all my food and such? my freaking mom I'll get to be a totally dependant adult with no income of their own who has revert to feeling like that helpless child I was when my parents fought every time her and her boyfriend fight. Honesty I almost would rather be dead then have that be my life. Not to mention as much as people might get sad if I was not around anymore in the long run they are only wasting resources on me.

I just feel like I am the most pathetic person ever, I mean why with all my intelligence can I not freaking improvize and figure out a way to live......I have no musical talents so I can't be one of those street musicians and make enough change for food and maybe other things on occasion. I would probably make a terrible drug dealer.... not sure how well I would do as a random bum who is afraid to approach anyone for change I mean I am really trying to freaking figure out something i could do but I really don't know.

I don't know, i'm hearing now's a really good time to step into the drug dealing game. Just stomp out your territory and take a loan out for a bodyguard or something.

All joking aside, I think an issue of people with AS is.. being obsessed with patterns of thinking and it hindering our ability to step outside the box or be flexible with our thinking(for some). I'm in the same boat technically, but I don't want to elaborate because it might bring you further down. I don't think you're pathetic, it might be that the thing hindering some of your potential is self-esteem.

Well I do not really have any self esteem so that could certianly play a role in some of my issues.

Why not? We've established you're intelligent, you also are a person who tries or maybe even tries despite everything in you telling you to give up. Sounds noteworthy to me, intelligent people in general are hard to find. People who still make the effort when they're depressed, also difficult to find.

I'm not even just talking about base intelligence here (there are tons of different types of intelligence if you think about it), i'm talking about a person who tries to make strides to do things with what they have. There are a lot of people who have had more options and have done less with them.

Well intelligence is nice and all but it makes me even more aware of how hopeless things are and further frustertes me because I don't even know how the hell to survive......I'll be lucky if I pass any of my classes this semester. I spent 22 freaking years trying to keep going, trying to put everything behind me putting more effort into things then others but still was seen as slow or lazy or whatever else without any recognition that i might have had mental problems that made and still make things very freaking difficult. An individual can only handle so much before getting burnt out on it all.

I know its hard, but I think not having any routine in life can make depression even worse.

Is it possible to drop some classes if they're stressing you out too much? I know there are often options at colleges that allow you take only one or two classes at a time. That's what I did at certain times in my life when I just couldn't handle any more.

There's also the possibility of just looking for a part time job. That way even if you find out you hate it you don't have to be that committed and will still have enough free time to recuperate. It's also considerably easier to find part time work. If you do find something that works for you, you might be able to add hours so you can become more financially independent. If it turns out you hate it you can quit and look for something else. Things don't have to be as all-or-nothing as you might think. At least this is how I'm trying to approach life. I can't just close off all possibilities because I'm so depressed in the moment that it's impossible to imagine anything working out.

I know what it's like living with parents. Right now my parents drive me nuts too. They constantly argue and complain at each other over the most trivial crap and I constantly feel the tension to the point where I start exploding myself. I also only have one sibling, a younger brother, who is too ill to leave the house at this point, so it really feels like there's pressure for me to be the independent one, even though nothing has been very successful in treating my current depression that has lasted for the past 4 years.

I suck at routines, they just confuse me more than doing things as I decide to do them and have the energy to do them.

I am only in 3 classes the lowest amount you can have if you want financial aid/loans so no I cannot drop any of them.

I doubt I could handle working on top of these three classes its hard enough just trying to deal with those classes, so looking for work means I pretty much have to stop going to college. as both would be too much stress. Trouble is I have no idea if I could even find a job part time or otherwise or if I could keep the job. Also I am really not doing well mentally right now so a stressful work environment that I am uncomfortable in would not help me at all.

I have been dealing with depression ever since I can really remember, never was diagnosed with AS though the symptoms seem to apply to me and I also have had anxiety problems since I can remember and I even have PTSD on top of that and who knows what else could be wrong.

Regarding the original subject line... I hate when people say "It gets better." What do they know??? How is it going to get better? Sometimes when I get bouts of depression, I think, it's not so much a chemical thing... maybe I'm just getting hit with a hard dose of reality, that the potential future is really pretty grim.

*******************************************************************************************************************

Check out"Problem Child," my memoir of life with autism!

It won't get better if you don't think it will.
But, nobody said it would be easy, and it isn't. It's a very gradual process, and one that took me over two years.

How am I supposed to think it will get better when things have only gotten worse? I used to think that was possible, when I was 15 after my suicide attempt but yeah things never really got better and now I am 22 things still aren't better. Sometimes one cannot think themselves out of how their life is. I mean I am still too freaking self concious and afraid to go ask the disability department at my college if they know of any resources to maybe get a cheap or free psychological assesment/diagnoses or whatever last night I was sure I could do it.........now I feel I will probably avoid it again.

I will still look around online........but I don't expect it to get 'better' I just expect to get some sort of documentation that I have some issues that make my life more difficult then it could be.