I wish I had a life threatening illness.

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I'd buy an escort or champange room but don't have the money and if I saved it from my social security would have to explain to my parents where all that money went lol.

that's another problem with me...i watch a show and become totally engrossed/obsessed with it, but after seeing every episode, i lose complete interest in it. happened with seinfeld and x-files a few years ago and happened with frasier earlier this year. in fact, watched a few episodes on the hallmark station or whatever channel it's on and was just thinking "wow roz is hot and funny" but not much else.

Well, why are you only adding up the things that are wrong with you? I'm speaking from personal experience. I am actually addicted to being depressed and I feel empowered when I'm angry, because on the rare occations that I do feel emotions, they are intense and raw but I am decent at controlling myself (Despite All of My... Difficulties, My Father Still Describes Me As "Put-Together")

When you focus on the problem, the problem gets bigger but when you focus on a solution to the problem, the solution gets bigger. You, my friend are focusing on the problem: Feeling like a wimp; screwed up world/government; disfunctional family (I'm guessing)
Instead, try and focus on a solution: Ways you can at least make the world around you better; How to have better relationships; Ways to erradicate as much stress as possible from your life.

If I may, what do you really want? What (Besides Death) would make you happy? I am assuming that sinse you aren't dead right now, you are still holding on to something.

I'm just afraid to hurt myself. Not a cutter/self-mutilator. Also have a family (parents and my brother) that would be devastated if I were dead.

Oh, I can relate to that. I had to deal with stomach pains for more than a year: Cramping, Aching, Waking up in the middle of the night because I was in so much pain, Nausiated; for a whole year! Freaking miserable!

It couldn't have come at a worse time either, I was going to hang out with my girlfriend (Long Distance Relationship, She Lives at a Higher Altitude) She asked me to come up, so I did (My Cousins Also Live Up There) While staying at my cousins house, all the sudden I get all nauseated, next thing I know I'm up all night trying not to vomit and then had to go back to my house. Started June 14, 2010, I still deal with it here and there.

During that time is when my cynacism really set in: Girlfriend Left Me; All Friends Left Me; All contact with anyone ceased besides my immediate family which was me and my mom; Home Schooled; Went from lifting weights to laying on the couch.

I really wanted to die but I am afraid of pain so I really thought about a Tylenol Overdose but I didn't want to kill myself because my religion says I'm completely screwed if I do. I never even considered what my family would think, I was angry, the only thing that stopped me was fear of what would happen after I suidiced.

Part of my reputation is that I am patient, my patience improved significantly during that time. I take pride in my patience, nobody else in my family has that quality.

You are very kind to put your siblings first