Severe reality allergy and courage deficiency.

Post Reply New Topic

f**k it

hi,

I clicked on your post because I definitely relate to the "reality allergy". Mick is correct in saying that the Haven is the place for you to put your true feelings and get them out of your head without someone coming by to give you a critique.

For what its worth, I wouldn't buy "truth" from a 20 year old. I remember what it was like having all the answers for everyone else at that age, hilarious looking back on it now.

Anyway, I think you have been overly hard on yourself. Probably the most disappointed person is you, in yourself. The most destroyed person is you having destroyed yourself. Someone who doesn't love themself will take everyone around them down with them whether they want to or not, that is just how it plays out. The girlfriend you feel so bad about... does she still breathe? Does she still live her life? If so you didn't destroy her. Some of the worst relationships I've had have lead me to finding out about myself which is priceless, whatever the cost. Kimya Dawson sings "Broken hearts hurt but they make you strong"

It sucks to have intelligence, talent, and a huge potential and to not be able to use it to the extent that you expected. You are still young, your feelings arent going to stay the same about yourself forever. Feelings aren't facts. You can get happy in the same pants you got mad or sad or melancholy in

my two cents, for whatever it is worth, hope you feel better

People are making a lot of assumptions about me that I don't like :/

Dude, I've done worse. Trust me. Things have been very very up and very very down since then depending on a number of things. My own mental state, outside influences, influences that I have chose myself.

It's not all going to be bad. The first thing you have to learn is how to deal with your remorse. I can't do that myself, but I can easily forget about it if I completely distract myself from it. Then I'm fine. For a while.

Yep, there will be some bad. There will be some very bad. There will be some good. There will be some very good. It balances out somewhat in the end, in my experience. It takes time. Give it time. Time is the hardest thing to give to a very disturbing problem, and I do, truly, feel you on this.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

By the way, courage isn't just not being afraid and running headlong into hell. Courage is being scared sh**less and still doing what you know you need to do anyway.

Sounds like you got some courage and some b***s to keep going after feeling like you did. So, no courage deficiency here for you!

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

A therapist's job is to force innocent people to conform so that their parents, teachers, and the workplace don't have to change their own power-hungry ways. I wrote more about this in my thread about my parents in the teenagers' section. I feel your pain. Whew.

What are they claiming was traumatic about your childhood? Having people turn on you all the time is FAR more traumatic than EVENTS that cause VISIBLE HARM such as car accidents, gun violence, rape, etc. It's much easier to get support after an event that causes visible harm than it is to get support if the very people you should be able to trust are turning on you all the time.

chill bills

you've had a tough time but you're only young and you have plenty of opportunity to change that if you're willing to try. maybe set yourself some realistic goals, even if they're just small ones, so you have something to focus on and work towards. like a visible target, rather than just 'f**k, everything is wrong and it all needs to change' which can obviously be a little daunting.

i'm not quite sure what you're topic was and if i'm sticking to it

&everyone makes mistakes don't worry

Jesus f*****g Christ, the guy says he feels ashamed, and you just try to shame him further. What the f**k do you seek to accomplish?

Something really weird happened.

I was very slightly moved during one of the worst depressions in my life by overwhelming fear. Fear that I was going to lose everything. Nothing was real anymore until there was something I could lose. Even though during my meltdown, I was sure there was no point left to my life and felt like I was in total despair (although I wasn't quite realistically suicidal), apparently I still cared about losing what I had. I didn't know fear could displace depression.


While it's still taking weeks after that to get a little further out of the bottomless pit of depression, I took note of this tiny bit of replacement, or displacement of depression at the time.


I'm sure many of you have been in depressions deeper than mine....but I think this could be an interesting and plausible phenomenon.

Can anger replace or displace depression? Anger, unlike depression, can be utilized as an energy - and if used in the right way, can even be motivational (at least according to my kung fu teacher). I'm sorry, I know this may not make any sense.


I hope you feel better soon Vanis.

I guess what I'm trying to convey Vanis, is that is seems like you've got a bit of anger and energy to defend yourself.

I agree with OliveOilMom, I think you've got courage.

I couldn't agree with you more, Goodwitchy. About anger. You are one of the few people left in this world who really "gets it." I suddenly feel a peace after reading your posts (counterintuitive).

Very kind words Ashley, thank you.

I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone in this thread for their responses and to apologise for neglecting to sooner acknowledge valuable support so freely given.

For those interested, none of the issues I was talking about last month have gone away, as problems don't tend to work like that. My attitude has changed slightly, in that I no longer hate myself for the emotions and behaviour that I was goosestepped into experiencing and displaying. Instead, I am focusing on forgiving myself and trying to gather the strength of mind needed for the burst of empowerment that will enable me to move forward in a direction I want to go in.

I have realised that, even when it seems that all choice has been taken away from you, you need not be a slave to impulse. There is always something you can control and it's yourself; your thoughts and actions in response to events and environment.

I have realised the necessity of virtue in the pursuit of happiness. The absence of virtue causes suffering. If someone treats you badly, and you resent them, your reaction will be made in resentment and therefore not a virtuous one. If you know the right thing to do and you do the wrong thing (whether you feel that you have been forced to or not) you can be overcome with shame and guilt. Only by living virtuously can one be happy.

Or as Yoda would say, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”