Still severely stressed several hours after an event...
16 Feb 2012, 1:00 pm
i dont think the kind of anxiety you are describing is ridiculous at all and i can relate to it very well. i have a few suggestions that might help (they help me):
* prepare yourself for the appointment by imagining the agenda (what will happen when, what tests are most likely to be done, how long will it take at max, what can you do or where can you go when the situation becomes too overwhelming). i also always look up pictures of how the places look like on the internet if its possible.
* prepare yourself for the conversation (write down some notes on what questions you want to have answered, what things or symptoms you want to mention, what you need or want to get) and go through the list before you leave to make sure you covered everything. (sometimes they are in a hurry and interrupt you or talk and talk and talk while you can only nodd until you forgot what you actually planned to ask, at least that happens to me a lot, but when i have a list i will look at it to check and then say "excuse me - i have one more question" or "ok thats all then" to keep the conversation brief).
* try to phrase your problem or what you need or want to say before, as clear as possible and in maximal 2 sentences and try to relax while answering questions afterwards. you told him/her the most important things already and it is ok to take a moment to think and to answer shortly. they just need to get this information to help you and you do your best to tell them what they want to know, thats all. if they dont understand something, they will ask again.
* when talking becomes too difficult have a written summary with you and show it to the doctor or person to talk to, no matter how ridiculous that feels, they will realise that you cant talk right now but get the information they need.
* make sure you are alone or at least in a relaxed setting afterwards and take your time to calm down. when you think about the situation too much try to realise that you are obsessing and distract yourself from those thoughts by doing something else. it does NOT matter what the doctor or anyone thinks about your social skills, i matters that you can make clear what you want and need and that you get better soon.
i hate seeing doctors and i only will if it becomes really necessary. the most stressful thing is going to a dentist. there are usually at least two people, the doctor and an assistant, standing really close to me, touching is basically inevitable, i always feel like im drowning and the worst of all are probably the sounds their machines make. it is way too loud and extremly painful and it just drives me nuts. plus full waitingrooms are my understanding of hell.
i am always trying hard to keep my cool in public no matter how i feel and to only have nervous breakdowns when i am at home (i will realize i am about to have one in advance and thus leave immediately) and alone (i live on my own). when i arrive at my place after doctors appointments like this i will freak out completely, often scream and be unable to do anything or think straight for at least 8 hours and still be a mess the next day. usually i just lie around because i am very exhausted and try to sleep until the stress wears off.
i work in a lab and have to have my blood tested regularily, but this is not as bad as i am used to it. i always have an appointment at a certain time and it always works exactly the same way, even the conversation has the same timing and words. this is very easy for me because it has a clear routine and takes less than 5 minutes and i will always know what happens next.
im trying to have an agenda for appointments where i dont know what is going to happen too, by imagining the whole thing before i am going there. it goes somewhat like this:
1 - i will have to look for a reception, there will be some girl probably, and i will have to tell her 1 my name and 2 that i have an appointment with doctor xy. then she will ask me for my insurance card that i will give to her and type something into her pc, then she will give me the card back and send me in the waiting room and i will say "thanks". when she acts weird or im stressed i can ask where the toilet is and calm down there.
2 - then i will have to wait, when the waiting room is very full i should have a book with me, when i am too overwhelmed and the sensory input is too much i can always go outside to smoke or lock myself in the bathroom again.
3 - then they will call my name, then i have to wait in another room, then the doctor comes in an says hello and i also say hello and tell him or her as short and as clear as possible (2 sentences max) what my problem is. then he or she says something along the lines "ok lets see" and then does some tests or something (depending on the kind of problem i have i will inform myself about the tests or treatments they will most likely apply before the appointment so that i expect them too) and then they say what they think i have and write me a prescription or something and i nodd and say "thank you", check my list and leave. when the doctor acts weird or unfriendly or i dont feel well i can leave anytime and go to a different one.
i will still feel awful afterwards and there are still many unknown factors to it, but preparing by going through the most likely agenda and having an escape plan for every step really helps me a lot (im usually able to stick to plan a as long as b exists). i avoid dentists until my toothache is comparable to the pain caused by the treatment though.
i dont know if this is helpful for you. please stop worrying about past conversations so much and rather try to prepare well for the ones coming up. worrying too much is usually debilitating and therefor counterproductive. if you cant stop thinking about it talk to someone who can tell you that it was not bad and that you are obsessing, or who can come with you next time.
17 Feb 2012, 11:45 pm
When I have to go and have things done in a hospital such as having stitches removed, blood taken etc, small things like that, I am fine at the time, as I can tend to hide how I feel at first, to get acknowledged as being there and sat in the waiting room.
However, when a doctor starts to touch me, or ask me questions I get stressed especially if I am on my own and there is no-one to speak for me if I stammer or if I almost lose the ability to speak altogether. This is all documented now, so doctors know how to handle me a little better which is helpful.
The problems really start though, once I get home. As soon as I shut the door and am on my own I keep going over what happened again and again in my head, thinking about how I could have done better by talking more clearly or being more co-operative even when I know i've tried my best and couldn't be any more co-operative if i've tried. Then I start tapping and think of cutting (which i have a problem with when stressed) and shut down to anyone who tries to help me.
Anyway, what I think i'm asking is, are there any ways which help anyone to deal with all of this - especially the aftermath?
Classical social anxiety thought pattern. As Echinopsis mentioned the best thing to do is go mentally prepared for what will be said and happen.
I will add one thing too: Believe it or not it helps a lot to say 'I'm really nervous' and smile at the person (in this case your Dr) ...not only does it put the other person on a different frame of mind to speak to you but also its psychologically helpful for the 'aftermath' because you will know that even if you may have sounded incoherent at times that other person did not think less of you precisely because you had warned them beforehand.
