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Don't know what to say anymore.

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Trainbuff
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24 Feb 2012, 9:20 pm

I agree with the OP (Except for the complaining part as I can't relate to it).

It's very upsetting when people hate/dislike you over things you can't control, and you put a lot of hard work & effort and its just not good enough. sometimes I wish my family could see the nonsense I go though on a day to day basis.

I'd hardly if ever discuss this with them, I feel more comfortable talking about my issues on here than people in real life, most NTs just don't understand.

I agree with questor suggestions as to help one to get distracted from the stresses of life, the volunteer work can have a negative effect though, especially If people's impression of you is the R word or your "slow". :(



Sickpuppies124
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24 Feb 2012, 9:57 pm

It's ok to Vent OP, things will workout one way or another. Even if you don't think they will you gotta believe so.



Sweetleaf
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25 Feb 2012, 10:15 am

Trainbuff wrote:
I agree with the OP (Except for the complaining part as I can't relate to it).

It's very upsetting when people hate/dislike you over things you can't control, and you put a lot of hard work & effort and its just not good enough. sometimes I wish my family could see the nonsense I go though on a day to day basis.

I'd hardly if ever discuss this with them, I feel more comfortable talking about my issues on here than people in real life, most NTs just don't understand.

I agree with questor suggestions as to help one to get distracted from the stresses of life, the volunteer work can have a negative effect though, especially If people's impression of you is the R word or your "slow". :(


Yes quite upsetting......and its not even just NTs I've even gotten harshly criticized for it here where I thought people where supposed to more or less understand some of the things I've gone through and some do but still, had to have a thread of mine deleted because of it. But such is life. I just wish I didn't always have to feel like such a outcast.

Also I would love if I could just distract myself but that only works for a short time, and I actually have a lot of sh*t I have to figure out or I am completely screwed with no form of income whatsoever and no way to even afford the bus to look for jobs that I probably would get fired from anyways. So distracting myself is not really any sort of solution and might even be a stupid idea right now......at the same time though dealing with all this stress is getting to be too much because I don't know what to do about any of it.

I am seriously feeling like if I can't get a part time job and do something......there really is nothing for me to do, I mean I can't even get on disability cause I can't afford a diagnoses, cant hold a job to afford a diagnoses and I don't think I would survive with nothing at all on the streets as my social skills suck and I would be too afraid to ever ask for change or anything and would probably just die of starvation or something.


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Sweetleaf
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25 Feb 2012, 10:17 am

Sickpuppies124 wrote:
It's ok to Vent OP, things will workout one way or another. Even if you don't think they will you gotta believe so.


I just don't see what good it does.......sorry for that, its just there is not even the slightest indication anything at all will work out. Besides life isen't fair so there is no reason I should expect I deserve for things to work out.


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marshall
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25 Feb 2012, 11:23 am

You do have people in your life that care enough not to let you starve on the street. I'm also pretty sure you'll be able to get hired for a part time job if you keep looking as part time jobs aren't as hard to get as full time jobs. If things are too much there are still options. If you commit yourself to a psychiatric ward or emergency clinic they will at least get you a diagnosis and a professional case manager and you can work on getting disability from there.

Sorry everything is so overwhelming. I really wish it were easier for you to focus on just one thing at a time. Thinking a million steps ahead about all the ways things could possibly go wrong is a good way to torture yourself. I think it's evolutionary programming that causes this. If you're just feeling awful in the first place it's pretty natural to start thinking about everything that could go wrong. I don't know if there's any easy way to just recognize when you're feeling horribly depressed and overwhelmed as a kind of physical sensation rather than something indicating an urgent need to think.



Sweetleaf
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25 Feb 2012, 11:37 am

marshall wrote:
You do have people in your life that care enough not to let you starve on the street. I'm also pretty sure you'll be able to get hired for a part time job if you keep looking as part time jobs aren't as hard to get as full time jobs. If things are too much there are still options. If you commit yourself to a psychiatric ward or emergency clinic they will at least get you a diagnosis and a professional case manager and you can work on getting disability from there.

Yes I am quite glad I do have people in my life who care that much so I can't complain there...other than about feeling like due to my problems I'll end up pushing them away or pissing them off enough to abandon me. Also I certainly hope so, and hopefully there will be more jobs opening up as it gets closer to spring & summer, maybe even seasonal work.

Also unless I feel like I am at risk of committing suicide, I probably won't resort to the psych ward...because the idea makes me quite uncomfortable though it is probably the only way to get on disability since getting a job would just prove to them I am perfectly fine and don't need any help whatsoever.....regardless of whether its actually true or not.

Sorry everything is so overwhelming. I really wish it were easier for you to focus on just one thing at a time. Thinking a million steps ahead about all the ways things could possibly go wrong is a good way to torture yourself. I think it's evolutionary programming that causes this. If you're just feeling awful in the first place it's pretty natural to start thinking about everything that could go wrong. I don't know if there's any easy way to just recognize when you're feeling horribly depressed and overwhelmed as a kind of physical sensation rather than something indicating an urgent need to think.


I feel like usually its both........especially when I'm at my worse I get plenty of physical sensations as well as the urgent need to think about it all. My brain does not seem to have an off switch. As for now I am trying to focus on the job thing and thinking of forgetting about disability since that seems the only option if i don't want to giving psychiatrists and other mental health workers in a psych ward control of my life.


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