Obsessive thoughts becoming debilitating.

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I tell myself, no need to be afraid of second-order.

With my struggles with obsessive compulsive disorder, especially during my later teenage years, and I was afraid of both germs and chemical contamination, it was often the second-order thing which caused me the most trouble.

The second-order thing is where I'm afraid of the thought and not the thing.

Where I would take a 'precaution' not because I was directly afraid of the germs or the chemicals, but because I was afraid of the worry.

So, for me, it helped a lot, to take a deep breath and then take it to the side. To tell myself, what it is, is what is it. If I'm worried, then I'm worried, so be it.

Or, what if you just asked a marital arts instructor: 'Okay, I have violent fantasies which I don't want to act on. Could you give me a couple of private lessons on how to defend myself without causing real injury to the other person?' Now, this is a little bit of a curve ball, because a lot of marital arts is about really doing serious damage to the other person. But if you find the right instructor, he or she might be open to the idea and help out.

And I like your method of asking people you know questions about yourself and seeing if the answers are largely the same.

PS One of my very first posts here on WP was about work place injustices and about me having violent, mob-style fantasies.
"Accounting--a warning for Aspies" (my second post)
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt101403.html
Imagine, all this just for effing accounting! I mean, really now!

The problem with taking a deep breath and calming down is that my anger is like a land mine. I go from being calm, to being explosively mad, then I have my thoughts, and I'm back to being calm. This also happens when my fiancee changes plans without telling me, forgets to text me, or I feel excluded. My aspie side is used to repetitive behavior and when something breaks that, I get an anxiety attack. I start thinking bad things and I get angry again. Then I talk to her and I feel fine for a while, but I'll start asking her about what she was doing and why she forgot about me. We then argue and I'll stop talking to her. I'll be upset and feel like wanting to hurt myself, but then she'll call me, we talk, and I feel better again.

I feel really lonely in all of this. I get support, but I feel like a stranger to these people. I don't tell my fiancee about this stuff because I don't want her to leave me. I only have one other friend in my life and I don't know what I would do if I lost either of them. It makes my anxiety go crazy when I think about it.

My doctor put me on something to help my mind relax so that I can actually get a good night's rest for once. He thinks I have bipolar and it fits except for a few things. My moods change in the blink of the eye and they're inconsistent. I'll change moods a few times a day and I start doubting my emotions, like when I'm happy I start wondering if it's superficial. I'm also extremely dependent on others. I can't make decisions that involve more than just me and I have to ask for advice for everything, which is why I make so many stupid topics about this stuff.

a couple of ideas . .

Two different girlfriends have been put off by my anger, apparently each thinking if I was really into her, I wouldn't be so angry. I wish each had understood that I'm a reformer. That trying to make the world a better place is a big part of who I am.

There's also something, harder to get a grasp on, that in a 'traditional' relationship/marriage, the man works a 'traditional' job like being a young lawyer and the woman handles most of the 'relationship' issues and he yields to her on home decor but also a lot of scheduling. Well, I sure as hell don't have a 'traditional' job like being a lawyer. And I don't think I'd really want a traditional, 'normal,' down-the-line, regular relationship. Next relationship, I'm going to be more direct and emphatic. That she needs to ask me and not just tell me. A more modern relationship of equality. That's what I want. (which surprisingly, besides being better for the woman, is also better for the man )

I'm also looking forward to telling her that I'm Aspie. I think it explains a lot about me, including that I need a fair amount of alone time.

Okay, the part with possibly being bipolar, that might end up being a breath of fresh air for her. I mean that's so much better of an explanation and more understandable than you just being a dick.

And you might want to check out this thread, also on The Haven:
How do you deal with mood swings?
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt191516.html