The only thing i could commit to is suicide.

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I have negative thoughts and obsessions like you described (f****d up images coming in my head, having urges to cut, burn, or harm myself in other ways). I also think about wanting to die often. Something that works for me is to accept the thoughts when I have them instead of being afraid and ashamed. Also, I use the "Stop" method. My therapist told me to do it everytime I get negative thoughts. When I see myself start to spiral into shame, depression, and thoughts of self-harm. I just tell my mind, "Stop." I do it repeatedly until my mind switches to another subject. Over time it has a dramatic effect. Before he told me I could just say "Stop", I thought I had to sit and listen to all those crazy thoughts. Now I realize I have a choice in the matter. It makes it less scary for me. It's still frustrating, but it's managable. Also, I take anti-depressent medication. Without taking the medicine I don't think I would be able to do the "Stop" thing. The medicine brings my mood up to a point where other methods are effective.

Somethingwitty

Please don't give up. We need you here, I need you here. I enjoy your posts. I have been there too, but to best honest my problems and yours are different I am sure. I can't feel what you are going through but you are very important. Feel free to PM me anytime. And keep posting and chatting here for support because you matter, a whole lot!

Bill

I cannot remember the finer details as it was nearly a decade ago but I'll do my best. Note; the issue (herein referred to as the 'problem') I was experiencing involved another person and their absence.

It was difficult in terms of emotional distress at first but I do recall feeling a sense of determination when I started to turn it around. If I recall correctly, I found out what it was in my life that was causing the depression and suicidal feelings. Whenever I thought about *that* problem I felt bad, so I wanted to get to a point where I could think about it but not feel bad, after all pretending the problem wasn't there was not an option for me. I made the problem seem less distressing, I did this by making it seem smaller in comparison to (everything else in) my life. I'll try and explain that a bit better.
At my worst I had a huge problem which was encompassing most of my life and in comparison my life seemed very small and dominated by the issue. What I did was make the problem seem increasingly smaller and make my life seem increasingly bigger by comparison. I did this by focussing on making myself feel better and not letting this problem get the best of me. Therefore after a while I spent less time worrying about the problem and more time living my life. Basically the better I felt about myself, the less the problem could get a hold of me. After I started to feel better about myself I looked back at the problem, which was no longer a problem but a mere memory, realised that the person I was depressed over in the first place was not the only person out there and I felt that I could now start to move on with my life.

As with any form of depression and thoughts of suicide, the solutions are subjective. I sat down and thought about this approach and it worked for me. I personally had very little support, I used a logical approach to find a solution for myself. I understood what I was and was not capable of and built the solution around my abilities. I put this solution in to practice and stuck with it and it worked.

These are the things I did (so far as I can recall). I didn't write them down but will numerate them here:

1) I realised I was depressed
2) I found out why I was depressed (this may not be possible for everyone)
3) I identified the reason then I thought about how I could overcome it, I understood the situation I was in first
4) Once I developed a plan I stuck with it
5) I understood that getting better would not happen overnight and that it may take weeks or months

Whatever process you want to take just remember to use support if you deem it necessary. See a Doctor, hang out with friends, lean on your family, go to church if you feel you need to. Also, and I cannot stress this enough, exercise regularly if you can. You cannot believe the effects regular exercise can have on your life until you actually do it, you will feel; better, healthier, more confident, more active and outgoing you will also; sleep better and look better.
These are the steps I went through in order to overcome my depression. They may/may not work for you just bear that in mind. If you see something here you like, take it, if not then leave it here. As always I will stress the need to see a Doctor, make this your first stop and together you can develop a system for getting through your depression. All this reminiscing has made my head hurt

why dont you take a trip for few days....how about visiting India and touring atleast for 2-3 weeks
I am sure you will enjoy it and feel happy also.