Stop acting ret*d...

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Sometimes it sure as hell feels like it. I try my best, every day, to understand how everyone else does things in the world. I KNOW that most people do not see things the way I do or get distracted by the things I do or is even interested in the items that truly hold my interest. And sometimes the people I know seem ok with that.

I mean they had no problem with me sitting in the living room and drawing for 4 movies' length of time. That wasn't a problem. However we got some fast food and she forgot to order some fries. Then went on to tell me something about pies. Good grief I don't remember what. She was gonna get some pies, then she didn't bring pies and she forgot fries so I asked: So, what did you get? she was like "Food! don't start again its not like we didn't discuss what I was buying ahead of time"

I am here thinking wait you want me to say wait a minute, you didn't get pies, and you forgot fries, so you got 3 sandwiches and two drinks (which the drinks wherent even discussed).

Common sense she says. Deductive logic she says.

Why can't she just answer a fricking question without flipping on me, but when I don't reply to her how she wants . . she still flips.

It sounds like she has other stuff going on in her life, maybe her family stuff or maybe school or work isn't going well for her, and she is taking it out on you.

With bringing food back, the socially skilled thing is to say something like "They didn't have _______ but I got _________" Or to say, "I don't think she gave us the fries." This is proactive and respectful. But, is this average social skills or above average? And that one I really don't know. The one silver lining is that I sometimes see, wow, neurotypical people can have some gaps in their social skills, too. And I find that vaguely inspiring.

You are in a difficult social situation. And this other incident where this other roommate kept repeating this word you found crude even after you told him. The polite thing is to try and tail back and not repeat it simply because someone has requested they not repeat it. They might not achieve 100% but they should at least make an effort. As an example from my own life, when I worked in a department store as a Christmas employee, the commission salespeople in suits did not want me there and the commission salespeople in men's shoes did not want me there either. I was frequently rotated between the two departments and each time I showed up, the people were always hoping "that guy" would be in the other place. In some objective sense, it should not have mattered to me, but it did. It wore on me. And it might be even worse having a home situation like this.

I really recommend a couple of separate tracks.

Try and matter-of-factly spin the home situation upward. You are a person worthy of respect just like anyone else, of course you are.

Don't let this keep you from free positives or from doing well at school/work/your own projects. For example, if you've been putting off reading a favorite book or seeing an anticipated movie till things are better, maybe go ahead and give yourself permission to do that good thing now.

And please be open to meeting other people and making other social forays.

I think I am just getting drained. For example I go to a university on-line. I really can’t handle on-campus learning. Well she does the same thing. In the bachelor’s program you take 4 5 week courses one at a time. I actually got a week off between courses because of influx of students. The session that begun right after was already full. I spent this entire week doing all of her school work.
No to say she made me. I do it to help. She is a DBMS major and I am taking small business management (two completely different branches). Yet I can efficiently do all of her work and she has been busy at home, so I was like sure, I don’t mind doing it, I have done it before.
Well after I take care of all of that for the day I still have to do house chores. And I am tired. I do not even like going out of the house much. They always want to go out and get upset if I wish to stay because “the point of going out to hang out together is to spend fun time all of us together”.
Furthermore she always says I wine because I give unnecessary details. Even my other roommate told me today “I asked for a yes or no not a disambiguation”.
Mind you this is the situation

Roomate: got any water left in your waterbottle?
Me: No. I was really thirsty so I drank it all.

Prior in the day tho roommate #1 was trying on new shoes.
I asked her: are they comfortable for use long term?
She said yes and explained to me why they would indeed be comfortable.
Why was I wrong? And not them?

I did that today. Got me a set of oil pastels to try some new art methods, watched an episode of glee I was putting off and enjoyed some chili dark chocolate. I did end up frustrated with the pastels. Completely different arena than I am used to (I have gotten comfy with soft pastels) but overall it was relaxing.

Good, I'm glad it was relaxing. Sounds like the glee episode and chili dark chocolate turned out pretty good. And put the oil pastels down as interesting?

people say hurtful things when they're angry

I actually stopped speaking to my sister when she used the "R-word" in relation to my daughter, who also has autism. That's a word that gets you hit. I'm not a violent person, I'm quite soft-spoken and prefer to hide in the back than be anywhere near the front. But that's not a word we tolerate. I wouldn't put up with a roommate like that. They seem to be bringing you down and I would look for another arrangement, if you can. People like that are toxic. Clearly there is something going on in her life and she feels the need to gain control by using and abusing you. That's an emotionally abusive situation, if you can, I would get out while you still have your sanity.

The pastels was interesting, but ended up not being my cup of tea. I like it and can work with it, but I cannot get off the effects I want. My roommate and I ended up arguing about oil pastels all over again today.

She insists that oil pastels substitute pastel paints on a canvas but as a dry media and not meant for paper while I insisted that they can be used blended, that they can be used on sketch paper and that you just need to work them with stuff like vegetable oil. Of course, I was wrong. So I gave her my oil pastels and she bought me another soft pastel kit.

Either way I will get my art in.

I'm glad you're trying and experimenting with new things in art, and I'm very glad you get your art in.

Would there be a way you could take the arguments to the side or let them go to the side, and then let them run out of steam on their own?

Okay, so your roommate wants to be useful and she wants to give you advice that is "right." That's fine as far as it goes, and I guess that's the way to look at it. If too much stuff becomes an argument---there's even a rock song "Just 'cause you're right - that don't mean I'm wrong"---I think we here at Wrong Planet can come up with some good deflecting sentences, I mean relatively brief, straightforward sentences which nonengage in an argument and have a good chance of taking it to the side.

I really like multi-track. Yes, work on improving existing relationships, and at the same time maybe attend and visit some new groups with the possibility of meeting some new people (I didn't really make friends in classes. And I think even people with above-average social skills don't really make friends in classes, it's not the right venue. And maybe only one out of seven groups really have enough activities to develop social traction, which I take as argument to surf and try out a variety of groups. Keep coming back to the good ones, but even then, do so with light touch.)

^ What CR said.

On the face of it, you may be doing more than she is. If she's someone reasonably proficient with money matters, the time involved in paying bills is not that big a deal.

And you may be putting yourself in a vulnerable situation. Even honest people can end up stealing if they need to, if there's an opportunity, and they kind of have a way of talking themselves into it, that for all their work they 'deserve' it, etc, etc. And there is a business principle of "keeping honest people honest." You're not saying you don't trust them, it's just basic accounting, so that everyone can have confidence, transparency, all that.

Now here's the artful part. In business, many good bosses will tell employees in advance that we spot check and do unannounced inspections, because you're not trying to catch people after the fact, you are merely again trying to keep honest people honest.

So maybe you could tell your roommate that with next month's bills you want to start learning household finances?

I find household bills tricky and frustrating. With my previous cell phone, the basic monthly charge was charged a month ahead for next month, any over use was for last month, and then there was something with two sets of dates, and not just different dates but something more subtle than that. And sometimes looking at a bill, there's so much verbage it's hard to tell what the actual due date is. And credit card companies often play off this and hope you're late.

Anyway, if you can start to develop a right-brain feel for how much the bills usually are that's probably a good thing.

And use us here at WP as a resource. People here have a lot of skills. For example, I can do something like call the insurance company but it takes me about 14 units of energy when I think it takes the average, 'normal' person about 2 units (no such thing as 'normal' anyway! ) What I'd really like would be to have an autism resource center and/or networking group where a volunteer could come over to my house and do some of this for me, as I maybe read a book in the background and vaguely observe.

And it's fine to be a contributor and a builder and I guess sometimes a person is appreciated and sometimes they're not. So it's a good thing you contribute to the household, just nice to be appreciated.

Thank you for your post. It made me really happy today. Sometimes I feel like the load is really high and I do not have enough time to settle down and enjoy a few hours of the day vegetating on a task like artwork. I will try to do the bills thing, household finances has never been a strong point of mine, tho I am a business major (go figure?) I like management tho its really interesting.

Here's the thing with me and bills. I kind of feel like I have to be an expert to do it at all and that is majorly time intensive. I have a much harder time being middle-of-the-road and kind of understanding it, but if I was a manager or entrepreneur and had someone to do it for me, that's exactly what I'd do.

I kind of like business and management, too. For example, from managerial accounting I remember the concept of "contribution margin" (I think that's the right term). From which I take that the main question of a business is, Can you run the volume? And this means emotionally, that the main idea is fundamentally sound, organizationally, start-up capital, etc, etc.

I like the idea of entrepreneurism, yes, even fully aware that 80% of new businesses fail. (Some people have argued that this statistic is actually lower, but this is what I've heard most often.)

I think having a business perspective on life has helped me cope in some levels because I can put a certain degree of rationale between me and interactions with other individuals. I can slip into a state of courteous and professional mask that allows me to function on a superficial level with most people. It tends to work better with individuals I do not know well. People who have known me long enough tend to think I am being standoffish, sarcastic or giving them an attitude.

Therefore the way In which I have learned to converse and communicate with others is every ineffective below surface. The business program is really easy for me to manage because I can go into a distant, factual data, space in my mind where I can articulate in a mature, understandable manner and the fact that I am going to school on-line helps a great deal because I have plenty of time to proof read my work and conversational posts ahead of time. You can't do this live.

People have issues understanding that I can be intelligent and articulate and such a failure all at once.

I have had both successes and failures. As far as making a bunch of money (or even solid middle class for that matter), this season in my life, there is failure for the time being. But, at the same time, I think I am helping to contribute to pro-spectrum civil rights movement(s) right here on Wrong Planet, as I bet you are as well. Different jobs, my clients and customers have been lucky to get me, as I have steadily tried to do a good job.

I've even thought about the triple play, trying to get a job, school, and a business going all at once. With entrepreneurship, I think the expenses of a storefront eat a person alive before they really get rolling with sales volume, and that's probably the biggest cause of business failure. And with some sales, such as computer repair and putting in new parts, the expenses of even a successful sale come before a customer pays you.

Okay, socially . . .

I have had some success with conversational wildcards such as:

"Okay."

Wow."

And "Wow" with a period, a little on the matter-of-fact side is good if someone says something positive, also if they say something mean or negative. Just acknowledging where they are at this time.

And then, I think almost everyone has an internal censor, both those of us on the spectrum and persons who are 'normal' (and really, no such thing as 'normal' anyway ) , where we take a moment to review something before we say it. I have had some success making a conscious decision to turn down my internal censor so that the default setting is that it's probably okay to go ahead and say it anyway, unless it really jumps out at me as inappropriate. And I've tried to do this in a more right-brain, feel-and-texture way.

I have issues processing what I am being told. It takes me an extra bit or two and when people want immediate action, I tend to not be able to deliver, at all, or do so badly. I do the "OK" and "Cool beans" and "wow". It works, but sometimes you need to use more than that in a conversation and that is when things get horrid for me. Typing sure I can keep up with a convo, there are definite starts and ends, for example, but what doesn't help is when people think I am rebutting them or arguing with them. >,<