WTF I'm so screwed(rant)

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I am much more concerned with the underlying issues....I mean I personally am fine with drug use I indulge in, its other people and certain laws that are the issue there. But maybe I can get a MMJ card since that's legal in my state...I kinda want to quit smoking cigarettes but Its much easier said than done so for now I am not actively trying to quit. Then there is alcohol which at times I probably drink a bit much but in that aspect cutting down and drinking less works better for me than not drinking at all.

But yeah I don't even know what I would do with school, and I don't even know what success for me would mean as I am not much into being a part of a society I feel alienated from. I mean as far as I can tell my life's kinda going nowhere... not trying to be a downer or anything but things really are to the point where it feels like there's really nothing to look forward to. I do plan to schedule an appointment for a mental health center that may be able to help with getting things diagnosed which may be helpful.

I don't have parents that can afford to pay it.

Your cry for help suggests that your situation is not "fine."

"I'm OK with my drug use, the situation is under control, why won't my loved ones get off my back and leave me alone to get high, I don't have a problem, everyone else has a problem," is classic textbook substance-abuse talk. Maybe if you cleared your head and got some counseling/therapy, tried some "natural highs" like meditation/yoga/prayer, you would begin to see your situation in a different light?

But I will not judge you (I enjoy puffing myself ) and it is your decision in the end...

Essentially that does mean you want to handle this yourself, right?

I never said 'why won't my loved ones get off my back and leave me alone to get high.' and many of my loved ones are quite fine with it. But yeah with family the issue is more I cannot deal with all the stress they create especially with the PTSD I mean everyone in my family has issues with either mental issues, health issues or drinking too much. So sometimes I try and be away from them so I don't get set off...I don't want them to see me when my PTSD gets bad and sometimes its too painful being around them having a good time while I don't feel I'm quite there.

As for everyone else has a problem that is not quite what I was implying...more that my using cannabis does not cause problems rather some of the laws that pertain to it and the whole stigma of 'using drugs' could cause problems. like if I got arrested it wouldn't be the cannabis causing the problem it would be the law dictating that it's illegal. But that's just my opinion on it.

the reason I smoke cannabis is to help the symptoms.......getting high is nice but that is hardly the main thing I use it for. Also I have tried all three of those and prayer aside(as I don't have a god to pray to) those help a little but aren't very reliable for when an anxiety attack hits for instance.

As for the whole cry for help thing......its the PTSD, depression and anxiety I feel I need help with maybe I was unclear.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 10 May 2012, 12:52 pm, edited 2 times in total.

No it means I have no other choice regardless of what I want....so I never really thought about if I wanted to deal with it myself or not, that is just what I figured was the only option. And even if my mom could pay it why the hell would she spend that much money to pay my college loans off? As for my dad I just don't think hes going to be in any position to pay it either not to mention I would feel like crap if he spent is well earned money paying off my college debt and I guarantee I'd have to do something in return like pay him back or work it off or some crap.

Serious question: were you high or straight last night when you wrote:

pretty straight I had drank a beer by the time I wrote that but I wasn't drunk. That is just honestly how I have been feeling for a good while now, except I was just being hard on myself about what I said about the weed. What I am really upset about is just having mental issues that have gotten in the way of everything I've tried to do since I graduated....and it makes me feel like I must be a huge disappointment. Also I really am pretty stressed about not knowing quite what to do. But yeah that is actually the sort of thing that constantly goes on in my head when I am sober.......hence the self medicating to calm down so I can slow down and take things one at a time rather then try and take on a whole mountain of stress all at once burning myself out in the process.

read your post and got inspired to job hunt. You know if you have a documented disability sometimes they waive your student loans. You might check into it.

Well good luck with the job hunt...........and I don't have a documented disability, still working out how I could maybe get it documented. But yeah certainly worth looking into.