Starbuline wrote:
I'm sorry, but I feel like sharing my misery, and I hope some people can help me feel a little better. I hate myself so much because I'm worth nothing, and I want to kill myself, but I know I'd probably go to Hell if it exists. I hate how I latch on to anyone who shows me the least bit of attention because I'm so lonely. I'm sorry if I offend anyone, I just needed to get that out.
I've felt much the same way for a long time, but I wouldn't hurt myself. I've felt like doing that, of course, but I can't. People talk about suicide being the coward's way out, but that's BS. It's not something to encourage of course, but the feelings that lead to it are not something to demean by putting it that way. But remember it's an irreversible decision. Your situation here on earth, generally, isn't.
I just lost the only friend I'd ever had--she informed me in an e-mail that "it just wasn't working", so I'm back to where I started--where I've been for the better part of 24 years. Oddly enough, I don't feel completely hopeless. I lost my friendship because of the same behavior defect you mention--I'd latched on to her because I'd never had a real friend before in my life.
But I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist tomorrow about the whole thing; I'd recommend you see about talking to one yourself if you aren't already. It's not easy to find one who actually gives a damn, but if you do find a good one, it will help.