I just want to watch the world burn

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blueroses
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04 Jul 2012, 7:11 pm

Lenny_amon wrote:

McAnulty wrote:

The fact that you came here to talk about this means that you would like some help. You want to calm down so that you don't do this. People are here to listen to you and try to help. It's happened before that someone spoke like this these forums and did go out and commit murder and suicide, so I'm taking you very seriously. I don't want this to be what happens to you. I don't think your stupid, I just thought that if this was an impulsive feeling you were having that perhaps you hadn't taken time to think about it. I see that you have. We are not here to throw you away, bully you or betray you. Everyone here wants to help as much as we can.
You seem to have a lot of pent up anger, completely understandable after what you've gone through. It may sound stupid but often running helps me release my rage. I wonder if it might help at least temporarily until you can find a better way.

I've got a lot of pent up anger. Seventeen years of unexpressed emotions that are about to burst out. I'm scared of this since I don't know how they will come out. I've punched my mom right in the face about a week ago. Stuff like that just scares me of the future.

I can see how that could scare you. Last year, I had an injury to my neck and spine, which caused me to have neurological symptoms, like crazy mood swings. I used to get really angry at my boyfriend (or whoever happened to be around me at the time) and almost got physically violent a few times.

I think what scared me the most when I was going through that was feeling like I was powerless to control my own emotions. And, what helped me the most, was finding things that helped me feel more in control of my emotions and the situations in my life. If you can find a good therapist or counselor, they should be able to help you find coping mechanisms and strategies you can use to better control your anger and I think that would help you feel less worried about the future.

Giftorcurse
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05 Jul 2012, 5:37 am

I hope he's alright.

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Lenny_amon
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05 Jul 2012, 9:22 am

I am. Calmed down a bit and slept it off, I guess. Would've posted earlier but the site seems to be having some server issues today.

BrandonSP
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05 Jul 2012, 11:05 am

Lenny_amon wrote:

I am. Calmed down a bit and slept it off, I guess. Would've posted earlier but the site seems to be having some server issues today.

I'm happy for this. I hope these angry impulses don't haunt you again. Honestly, you were scaring me earlier.

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Lenny_amon
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05 Jul 2012, 11:22 am

BrandonSP wrote:

Lenny_amon wrote:

I am. Calmed down a bit and slept it off, I guess. Would've posted earlier but the site seems to be having some server issues today.

I'm happy for this. I hope these angry impulses don't haunt you again. Honestly, you were scaring me earlier.

They do quite often, sadly. It's either anger or sadness, usually anger. If I've got no way to vent, it just drive me insane, which is exactly what happened last night.

whydoyouask
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08 Jul 2012, 12:48 pm

Lenny_amon wrote:

For a while now I've had issues. It basically started with my diagnosis and betrayal. I've been thrown away by people. Betrayed by people. Bullied by people. My closest friends and family have left me and ignore me. Nobody answers my calls for help and I'm unsure what to do. Right now I just want to go to the nearest mall and shoot every last person in there. How do I calm myself down so it doesn't actually come to this?

Think about it this way:So because some lesser minded beings who can't understand someone intelligent, are outcasting you because your were diagnosed with something ( probably autism or Aspergers) you feel sad!? People bully because they know there less than you, so they want to be able to put you down to there level. Shooting people with a gun would only let them WIN. They want to see you breakdown and go insane. If you don't go insane you will only prove yourself far stronger mentally than them. So if you really want to win agiants your bullies you should go show them how strong you are and how annoying you does nothing.

Also sometimes it's good to try turn you disabilities into something good: Being un-social can sometimes help you focus on the more important stuff in life.

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BlueMax
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08 Jul 2012, 5:57 pm

Lenny_amon wrote:

BrandonSP wrote:

Lenny_amon wrote:

I am. Calmed down a bit and slept it off, I guess. Would've posted earlier but the site seems to be having some server issues today.

I'm happy for this. I hope these angry impulses don't haunt you again. Honestly, you were scaring me earlier.

They do quite often, sadly. It's either anger or sadness, usually anger. If I've got no way to vent, it just drive me insane, which is exactly what happened last night.

Glad you're just venting here where it's safe, but that much rage is seriously unhealthy (physical & mental.) I hope you're not doing what *I* used to do... replaying something that made you mad over and over and over in your mind... imagining possible outcomes but feeling that anger build inside you as you do it...

It's called "stinking thinking"

...and it's seriously toxic to your body. The hormones and adrenaline being released build in the body and just wipe you out and make you feel sick after the rage has subsided... as well as build your capacity for more rage and making it HARDER to control.

I encourage people to start by breaking the cycle and NOT dwell on something that makes you angry... have something you can think about that's netral or slightly positive. I have a favorite daydream I switch to in order to get to sleep or break the cycle of rage-thoughts.

If you fear you can't control your rage/impulses - please get help before you actually hurt someone or yourself.

Lenny_amon
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08 Jul 2012, 8:06 pm

Quote:

Definetly do that all the time. After looking up stinking thinking, I realised that I do in fact do all of the ways of thinking that are listed. Thanks for giving me something to work with

BlueMax
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08 Jul 2012, 8:25 pm

Anytime - glad to help!
I wish someone had told ME 20 years ago.

outofplace
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09 Jul 2012, 2:23 am

I mostly agree with the title to your post, but not with the desire to commit violence. I too go through bouts of suicidal tendencies ( I feel the beginnings of a new one starting now), but I never really want to hurt anyone else, just myself. However, I have come to the realization that if I kill myself, I will miss out on all of the chaos I think the world will soon find itself in due to irresponsible people in governments and corporations running the system into the ground. Thus, I stick around to watch it all turn to crap. I don't want to be part of it, but maybe surviving it will be more interesting than life is now. It's an odd way of thinking about life but it does keep me from ending mine prematurely. I just hope something better comes along in the mean time and makes me forget about feeling this bad.

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Lenny_amon
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09 Jul 2012, 5:22 am

Quote:

However, I have come to the realization that if I kill myself, I will miss out on all of the chaos I think the world will soon find itself in due to irresponsible people in governments and corporations running the system into the ground.

This is exactly what always kept me from commiting suicide

. I'm far too interested in the future, I don't want to miss out on that.

JanuaryMan
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09 Jul 2012, 5:47 am

Lenny_amon wrote:

Quote:

This is exactly what always kept me from commiting suicide

. I'm far too interested in the future, I don't want to miss out on that.

You will definitely miss out on it if you are in jail for 100 years, or (the more likely scenario) you are shot down by authorities and soldiers. Frankly they don't want the B'vik incident to be repeated it would be a shoot on site job.

I'm glad you've calmed down, and Max has helped you find something.

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