I Fail...

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I share all those things to some degree, so have at least a little understanding and can empathize. What makes me unhappy is that you are in the frame of mind of giving up. Several years ago I was in an auto accident and lost the ability to do most things as I once had. I got one of those gripper tools which allowed me to pick some things up, but it doesn't help in many other situations. So I made tools, tailored to me and the things I wanted to do. All duck-tape, wood dowel and hanger contraptions... not pretty, but servicable. I made one to help me do laundry, another to put on sneakers, one to weed standing up, etc, etc. I tried multiple things to put on socks but none worked so did without.

Point is for you to come up with a way to do the things you want to do and forget about those you can't. Life awaits & is ready any time you are.

Unfortunately what happens if you cannot handle the stress is you live a life that is constricted by your fears.

I wish I could say that all you have to do is face your fears and everything will turn out well, but that just isn't very realistic. You can face your fears and things still might turn out badly. And maybe you can lead a restricted, isolated life where you don't take risks and that ends up being something you can live with. I certainly haven't taken all the risks that would have made my life better. If I actually followed my own advice my life would likely be very different. It could be better and it might be worse.

one thing that seems fairly clear to me. Our lives are made up of the little choices and decisions we make 100 times a day. Will I smoke that cigarette? Will I go for a walk? Will I call a friend? Etc. the grand, life altering decisions we make maybe once a decade have far less influence on the quality of our day to day lives. The choices you make from moment to moment have a far greater effect on the course of your life than the apparently momentous choices.

So what does happen if you can't handle the stress? Will you land in a mental hospital or will you just have a bad few days? You know that better than I do. I have no experience with PTSD or any of the other serious repercussions of autism. I cannot guess what level of stress you can handle. You'll have to gauge the levels of anxiety you can deal with and adjust how much you can afford to do and keep within a controllable level of stress.

But consider the small choices you make every day and try to push yourself just a little bit further than feels comfortable. I think we all can agree that you are not happy with how your life is going. We can also agree that you need to make some kind of change. Ideally the changes you make will cause you only an amount of stress that you can cope with. If you focus on making small, but long lasting changing, you stand a far better chance of making a sustainable change in your life. If you try to make large changes you are likely to cause yourself a great deal of stress and may risk back sliding to a situation that is even worse than your present condition.

So what happens if you can't handle the stress? Your life gets worse. It seems to me that handing the stress is the problem you really need to address. Everybody has to find their own way. With problems that are unambiguous and immediatly threatening, my preference is to face them head on and eliminate them quickly. When it comes to long term problems, I either work at them slowly, bit by bit until I find a workable solution, or else I avoid them entirely and hope they go away. (the second option isn't very effective, but I have to be honest and admit that I don't follow my own advice all the time)

Nobody has perfect control over their own lives. And it's a lot easier for me to say just do x y and z and everything will be fine than it is for you to actually do everything perfectly. In reality the best you can hope for is to cobble together some kind of make-shift method of dealing with your own problems. You won't do everything perfectly and there will be times when everything just goes wrong. But by focusing on doing just a little bit better on the small choices you make everyday, you will probably find that you can deal with the stresses just a little bit easier.

You will probably never fix all your problems so that you can "fix" yourself, but you can probably make incremental improvements that will have a positive influence on your day to day life. If you try to make grand, sweeping changes in your life, you probably won't be able to handle the stress. But if you make small changes... Walking around the block for a bit of exercise, talking to one more person than you'd normally want to, offering up a smile to a passing stranger.. You may find that these relatively insignificant acts can build up into a whole way of living that is not terribly stressful and also gives you a greater sense of control and interaction with the rest of the world.

And when it comes to your intelligence, it is the tool you can use to solve your problems. I can offer up my suggestions as to what I think might help you, but only you can find a way to make them work for you. That's where your intelligence comes in. Assess the advice people give you and throw away what is useless and keep what is valuable. Better yet, modify advice to better fit your own needs. Anything you do to help yourself, whether it came from another person's advice or an idea of your own, is filtered through your own intelligence and modified to best suit your needs by the tools you have in your own mind.

Intelligence, misused, can get you into trouble. I've done enough of that. I can't say that intelligence alone will save you every time. But from reading many of your posts, I suspect that, despite your uncertainty, you use your intelligence well enough to find your way to a solution. As I said above, it may not be perfect. It may be a kind of Rube Goldberg solution, but if it works well enough to get by, who's complaining?

Okay... I'll shut up now... I could blather on endlessly, but I think that says what I wanted to say... Well it does until I think of something else. Sorry.

Lars

I don't see how trying as hard as I can to convince myself I shouldn't just off myself......and trying to figure out how to have income to live on so I can get out of my moms place since she mostly brings me down. I don't see the giving up part, I'm just frustrated because my life sucks and I cannot seem to do even the things I'd want to do.

SweetLeaf, this all explains your mention of drug use being OK in the other topic about drugs we conversed in.

Overall I don't think anyone is ever too far gone to at least go somewhere further than they are currently. I think what would help here is finding your first step towards independence and examining why you think you are bad at your activities. I imagine you are actually quite good at your hobbies but just are very perfectionistic like I was a few months ago. it is hell not being able to make yourself happy, so I can relate to that.

At the same time though you know how people can be. That makes you more astute than 90% of the non-aspergians I've met, sicne you know their intentions and wicked ways. As someone with a bad mother relationship as well I suggest you just get away from her and discover some things you may have been repressing. We are always our own worst critics.

I don't really feel like I have any real hobbies there are a few things I am not terrible at though I guess. Also I would love to get away from her but I don't really have much choice until I get some sort of income. Also yeah I do not enjoy constant misery so a bit of relief from it is nice....but at least I managed to quit drinking so much.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 04 Aug 2012, 8:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf, I tyhink learning something would really help your self-esteem. I was really depressed until I started looking into bass guitar, lyrics writing, cooking and drawing. It wasn't a cure-all, but it made me feel successful and more worthwhile to keep around (I was becoming suicidal, don't know if it is the same for you.)

Your post saddens me though as, while I disagree with you on marijuana, you seem like a very well intentioned person. That is more than I can say about most people I've met.

I have a bass guitar, but I couldn't seem to get into playing it.....I made a few attempts but didn't really get anywhere with it.

he thing about playing music is you have to only be half aware of your playing it...artists call it a state of flow where you just know what note to play next in the song. I experience this as an artist in all my creative endeavors...basically all you have elarned is used during flow, but you just have to surrender control or any pre-conceptions and see where your mind goes.

If I have confused you I am sorry, it is hard to describe the state artists enter.

I have a friend who might have half your IQ. But he has been working for the 12 years I have known him. He is on an assisted program, where he is driven to work and back, and gets help with paying for his apartment. He also goes on all the trips they organize for recreation. He's a nice happy dude. Ther was another guy at the last post I worked at with artifical arms and legs. He was a civilian working for the army. He also had some assistance but was holding down a full time job in electronics work. He struggled with depression, but damn who wouldn't.

Sweetleaf, you are a lot better off then these, even with your obstacles. Come up with a plan on how to achieve basic goals, like (just examples) finish school, employment, savings, car, a place to live, independance. Then go to work on step one, and make it happen. Really, it is likely to be the only way. I am not saying it will be easy... actually you are going to have to work your tail off. Do these things and you are likely to achieve some measure of success. The sooner you start the sooner you will begin to see progress.

I think you are kind of underestimating how things are for me....for one I cannot even drive, sure I can steer a car but I would not be a safe driver because being in traffic makes me really anxious, on edge and jumpy......not good things for driving. So yeah I don't really have that option.....I am not going back to college since I am already in debt, dont know what the hell I'd even do with a degree and being on the campus sets off my PTSD symptoms too much. Regardless of my IQ the symptoms interfere with pretty much anything I do or attempt to do. I'd love to find part time work but realistically that is way too much stress right now.....yes even part time work. So the only other viable option is SSI then maybe when I can be more stable with that income I could be able to hold a job and get off it at some point as for getting a place to live it wont be a place of my own there is no way I could afford that so I'll have to split rent with someone.

Basically I have tried doing many of those things and failed miserably......yet people still assume I just haven't tried or at least haven't tried hard enough and that's my issue. Well should I drive myself to a mental breakdown.....push myself till I just can't take it anymore Just to prove I've tried?

I mean I am not trying to have a whos life is worse competition, thinking about other people having it worse does not make me feel any better just makes me feel even worse for not being able to deal with this crap and sad for people who have it worse. Not to mention psychological issues can be just as severe as physical issues so don't assume I have it easy just because most of my issues are psychological.

That may be quite true, underestimating the severity of it. And don't put too much stock in what I say, since 1) I don't really know your circumstances well and 2) I have a soldiers approach to obstacles and it can come off as harsh, and may not be a feasible approach in reality for you. But I do believe even with your handicaps your mind is good and you have the potential to get them under sufficient control to progress. But rather dwelling on problems and past failures put it to use figuring a way out of the mess.

Your right that physical & mental problems/pain are quite similiar.

I don't drive either. It was in that position when I was injured and I know my right leg cannot work the pedels anymore. But there are devices that move the gas pedel to the left so you can work the gas and brake with just the left. I am at the point of trying... and have been at the point of trying for a few months now. I hesitate because I am afraid it might bring back the pain and finally being past that I don't want to go back. But my progress in reclaiming my life is held up because of it and chances are that with a slow approach I could succeed. But theres a chance too it might bring back the pain. One that I haven't gotten sufficient courage to face. Yet I know what I must do. Wish me luck getting started, as I do you.

I want to help you SweetLeaf but I can't find a solution...

Do you have any close friends who will help you out until you are able to hold a job?

You keep mentioning PTSD... what happened to you that was so traumatic?

...

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 05 Aug 2012, 12:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

You saw it happen? You had a gun pointed at you? Or it happened in the school while you happened to be there, leaving you shaken? I think we've all had pretty crappy childhoods around here... it's the kind of thing that makes it hard to trust people, etc.

I know you're probably not going to like it (and you've probably heard it before) but the whole "playing victim" thing can really offend people who really HAVE been shot at, held hostage or had their lives threatened... You may be your own greatest enemy here, and holding yourself down. I used to do the same about 20 years ago... I assumed the worst in every situation and made myself absolutely miserable. Please don't do the same - you owe it to yourself.

No I didn't see it happen...I was there for the lockdown and all that...in fact no one actually saw it other then well I guess the girl who was shot and the cops who shot the guy who shot her.

Also you know what they say about assumptions right?....don't worry I tried to play it off like I wasn't really that bothered by it and that it didn't effect me and all that got me was worse symptoms. But yeah go ahead and assume I'm 'playing the victim' and that my symtoms aren't real hopefully it makes you feel better about yourself. I think I should consider keeping everything to myself from now on.....Because I don't know how many accusations of faking, exaggerating, playing the victim, dwelling on it, not getting over it, not trying hard enough ect, I can take...I mean your all so surprised I feel like I fail well most people just confirm it, it seems.