EstherJ wrote:
I see where you are going. These are really good points.
I do have friends, and intelligent friends at that. The problem is is that there is only so much that they can handle, I think, before I get labeled a burden and dumped.
So, I've kept it all to myself, because every person that's ever heard whats really going on has eventually dumped me. Most people have no capacity for real compassion, I don't think.
And you're probably right. My therapist probably thinks that I don't offer enough for people anyway. I HAVE plenty to offer....I just don't know how to offer it.
In the end, it all comes down to general social autism problems getting in the way of having any kind of good relationships. And that's severely depressing for me.
Yeah, that's how it is. Really like you said.
I actually never thought about this so intensively before now, where I found out to be an aspie or on the spectrum.
I did though think like much about why people wouldn't accept me the way I am and that virtually everybody was doing better than me.
I never saw the point adapting to it, either. That was/is going too deep into my personal character and would change too much that I wouldn't feel like myself any-more.
Though now I think I begin to more and more understand what went wrong and that there is a point adapting to it. I also adapted in my last relationship.
And it really works changing yourself without loosing too much of your inner self. Those things become more self evident. But that took really time.
Actually it is a little bit too late to start engineering around with yourself in my age and I am really wondering what is going to happen.
Anxiety is really the worst aspect you'll have to tackle, but just when you are in such a kind of situation, and scared about all your future,
what are you going to do?
Now, that somebody tells you that you are not alone or that kind of crap, might even make it worse.
And the standard NT way to deal with anxiety isn't probably going to work, either.
Anxiety is there for a reason. And that reason is mostly real, unfortunately. It is rational, though its influence gets easily overestimated.
You'll not going to be able to change that thing, like you said,
that you'll have it very difficult to find the satisfaction that you'll see everywhere around you.
It feels almost like you are denied access to it. And then part of your character isn't really helpful either for taking positive things about yourself as a supporting experience,
whilst at the same time negative things can very easy make you feel helpless sad and seeing no way out.
Accepting this situation is just not possible for me. It's just going into the important things in life: Realationships and work.
Though finding a workaround for anxiety would really help. Because that would allow you to stay a "normal aspie": rational, high moral, creative.
If you're in anxiety then all negative things intensify, you'll do stupid things to release pressure, behave badly, irrational, without actually wanting it.
In relationships it should be easier to work on it, because you can get very close and ask all kinds of things that you'd want.
In job-related things that isn't possible, because you'll never have close enough relations that they would want you to tell or would want to help you.
These aspects clearly belong to a therapy if any kind of therapy should be useful.
This is like "Oh my god this can't be true" for NTs. I guess that they don't know any way out from there either if they could understand
Except that you should try to fit in.
In the end you'll have to deal with fitting in because that's the only way to make it work somehow. At least to a big extend.
You're not allowed to be how you are, if you want some support or some kind of meaningful life.
It is just as simple and as hard as that.
09 Oct 2012, 2:40 am
