Yeah so I got a little carried away feeling guilty...

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I don't know how long you've been trying the antidepressant but you might need to try another one or up the dosage. My antidepressant didn't kick in until I got the highest dose of Effexor XR. I like it because I don't get the depressed feeling anymore plus it helps with certain drug addictions such as MDMA, ecstasy, coke and certain other ones....you don't feel any of the effects. I think alcohol and pot you can still feel though, you have to be careful with alcohol because it actually intensifies the drunkeness.

Watching t.v just depresses me more hence the reason I don't and I am sure I get my fair amount of outdoor exercise, not very pleasant with the constant sirens and all mind you. Also I thought the idea of taking a medication was to function better, if not how is it any different than taking street drugs?

Well if its true why not say it?

How long have you been using heroin?

The only people who are truly hopeless are those who have no desire to get better. The fact that you are capable of recognizing your problems already removes you from the "junkie" and "pathetic waste of life" categories. Getting medication for your addictions is an excellent start. The next question you have to ask is what do you want to do with your life? I can tell just by reading these few posts that you are smart, and you probably think you will never be able to find any truly rewarding employment for your intelligence. You think any job you will be able to get will be a pointless mind-numbing waste of your time, or that you will be too weak for it and will fail. There are many of us who have been in exactly that position, and thought that same thing, but there is a world out there to explore, if you can only crawl out from the hole you have found yourself in and see it. I am very sorry you have had bad experiences with the world you have seen. It is a big world, and very easy to get lost. Rely on me and some of the others in this thread and on this forum, and we can show you the good parts.

In this example, you're right methadone would not work. You missed my underlying point. My underlying point is lostgirl is concentrating on Sweetleafs attitude more than any concrete answers, solutions, or facts. America presents this attitude fanaticism as though it was the solution when in my opinion it is the very rot and problem of this country. I was just using methadone as figurative language to illustrate my point. lol, it is ironic though as I see myself doing this sometimes.

Right, and as I said obviously she needs help but we have to try and get her into that mindset so she can go and get help since we don't live next door to her.

All of this true. The medications are an excellent start but are only a bandaid. All they do is treat the symptoms. They do not fix the underlying issues she has.



She has Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posttrauma ... s_disorder You may think you are helping her and you have good intentions. I applaud you for this. You are not helping her. Your very advice is contributing to her issues. She is not able to just crawl out and explore it on her own. You make it seem like it is her attitude that is the problem and she can just change it at the drop of a dime. It is based upon erroneous thinking.

The problem is a number of adults today were told or implied certain things as children. Even movies portrayed this. This message is all one has to do is believe and you can always make your dreams come true. Children and teens are told to always chase their dreams and if they set their mind to something hard enough they can always achieve it. What they are teaching children is that thoughts create reality.

I have to ask if we can truthfully chase our dreams why can't all of those who dream of being in the NBA or the NFL actually achieve this? There are set number of spots on each team. There are a certain amount teams in both the NBA and the NFL. Some of this advice actually has some truth to it but what is insidious and harmful is the level and amount of belief to this. This is believed in a cult-like fashion. Most people will not be in the NBA nor the NFL. This is the truth and is fact.

A woman may be fat and think she is pretty. She is told all she has to do is think of herself as pretty and others will think of herself as pretty as well. This is not always so. It is like this woman has direct control over people's thoughts. It is treated as though thoughts and attitude are the building blocks of time and space itself which is not so. There are a lot of people in our country(USA) who believe this. There is a fallaciousness to this. This attitude fanaticism goes against reality.

I believe this is one of the things Sweetleaf is dealing in and has been dealing in. She didn't say it in the words I have said it but I believe she has mentioned some of the things I have mentioned in previous posts.

IMHO Sweetleaf, if you are able to ,and I'm trying to procure this book myself, please obtain http://www.barbaraehrenreich.com/brightsided.htm

Please read this as well. http://www.debunkingskeptics.com/Attitude_Fanatics.htm

I believe part of your PTSD comes from dealing with a cult that has become mainstream belief in our society. They will deny your reality in order to fit the attitude fanatic's mantra.

First, my communication skills are not that great but please bear with me what I am trying to convey to you and others in America. It is said that "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. " This is true but again only to a certain extent. If the man is wounded in a severe way he can't be taught how to fish. You have to nurse this man back to health first. He has to be functional in order to be taught. After his wound heals you can start to teach him how to fish. Once you teach him he will fish for a life time.

This is similar to Sweetleaf's situation based upon what she posts, based upon our American culture, what other people say, my questioning, my own situation and other things as well. She has to be well enough to even be able to do this research and to comprehend it and interpret it properly. She has to be well enough to act on it as well. In my own opinion, I don't think she can do this yet. She is very intelligent and will in the future. She can get there. At this time, she will need others to do things on her behalf like her family. She needs to be nursed back to health. She needs to be able to see that results can happen and positive outcomes can happen.

lostgirl, the things you say are true but I do not believe she is up to this point yet. You and others are asking her to do what is impossible as of this time. She has PTSD and she needs a lot more help than just change her attitude. You are asking her to put the cart before the horse. It is like you're telling her that the birth of a newborn baby caused her conception.

if you won 2 million dollars, what would you do? would that solve your problems? or do they go deeper than poverty and lack of opportunity?
i know that you have ptsd, but if your future was secure and you had no financial worries, would you still feel awful?
i feel sorry for you because you are a very decent person and i have never experienced hopelessness and despair like you do.
i hope you can find a way to move forward and out of your current situation because i would not be able to tolerate it if it was happening to me.

what would it take for you to have a permanent state of "peace of mind"?

Let me spin you a tale. Actually this actual tale is rather factual.
My father was a heroin addict for 15-20 years.
He abandoned me and my mom to do the dope.
He left the state and my life for years.
Meanwhile my dear little momma raised me into the man I am.
When I was around 12, maybe 11, my pops appeared yet again.
He had many tales of the wacky world of drugs to tell me.
I still had my teenage rebellion years ahead of me.
I learned to never touch the hard stuff.
I've had the chance, but chose not to.
I'd seen what that stuff does to lives.
My pops went from a hopeless, homeless junky to a business man.
He built a business from the floor up.
Now he couldn't be happier.
I've forgiven him for all the things he did.
So don't look down, look up^
You have the power to change, you just don't want to!
You gotta think about what's best for you!
Kick the habits and make yourself into something like my pops.

I know and you're right. I've been in a situation like hers before. I've been in the lowest of lows and if it wasn't for my family's intervention and them taking me to the hospital I wouldn't have gotten better by myself. I didn't believe or listen to any of the online forum stuff I read either. I eventually stopped reading it and curled up into a ball waiting to die and contemplating whether I should end my life or not. I mean, we can't really do that for sweetleaf because we don't know her in real life or live next door to her. All we can do is encourage her and try to be positive to her. Listen to her and do the best we can. I'd rather try to help her and encourage her than sit back and watch her go down deeper. I've been following her progress and she's come a long way, yeah there are ups and downs but I'm in the sidelines rooting for her. I just want her to know that I'm here for support.

Also, I agree with you in saying "I'm the most successful woman" or "I'm the best person in the world" isn't a realistic thought. I'm saying thoughts that are true and that can actually be played out are worth repeating to yourself. Just as long as you keep the statement true and positive I think it's great to keep telling yourself that. Or even saying "I love my eyes" instead of saying "I'm the most beautiful girl" or even "I have a beautiful mind"...as long as it's realistic about yourself. I don't know that just me as well, personally if I were dying I wouldn't want to keep thinking, "Oh my god I'm going to die, I'm so scared". I'd rather say something a bit more positive like "My friends and family love me and they make me happy and give me hope." Now I'm not saying to give the person false hope but I think you know what I mean.

Sweet Pea hugs

Drug intervention? No....I was actually just feeling very worthless and I guess my mom kinda has a way of making me feel guilty about drinking and taking my prescription meds the doctor gave me. its just drugs in general she gets weird about at least with me. Apparently my sister tells her over the phone of how many times she's gotten drunk and had terrible hang overs but when it comes to me she acts like even overdoing it a little on the drinking is some grave sign that I am changing into someone she doesn't like.........well hello I am the same damn person its just the past couple years I have been living with her so we've been around each other more so I'm finding it harder to mask things and she's finding it harder to live in the dark about me. I am already planning to tell the doctor at the next appointment to have me committed to a psych ward or something.

But yeah I drink and smoke pot to kill the pain, chances are any treatment i get will involve psych meds to help alleviate the pain so i guess the way I see it, its still using drugs to kill the pain(I don't really think there is anything wrong with that) but yeah that's what I meant with the whole junkie thing......just seems any way I cut it I need drugs or I am miserable. But of course junkie may have been a rather inaccurate word since I was miserable since a child its not as though I started taking drugs and now I need them to make the withdrawals go away don't get those from booze or cannabis and anything else I use so rarely I doubt I would develop a dependence(except with the cigs, I want to quit but I just cant seem to motivate myself enough).

I don't use heroin(though sometimes the way I feel I'd be willing to try it against my better judgement, never been offerred though I've only had vicodin a few times and another opiate it was a small pink pill not sure what exactly it was just that it was an opiate), I know thread title is a bit confusing....my last post should explain a little better. I guess I just feel bad about having to take meds or use other drugs to alleviate the pain I am in. Don't know why I beat myself up over it, since I don't really see it as morally wrong.