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15 minute observations for the first 2 days? That's annoying, isn't it? Most of the people in the ward that I was in were on that for most of their stay.

I cannot tell you to stop self-harming. I used to self-harm as well. I used to LOVE it. It was like a drug addiction (not that I've ever been addicted to drugs, well, except prescription lorazepam, but that's another story). I used to love the blood, the mess that I basically created on my arms. I stopped after the 3mm deep slits I managed to create all over my arms in a frenzy with a serrated bread knife.

UNLUCKILY... I scar badly. So 1.5 years later, I still have visible scars, but they are fading slowly, WITH steriod creams.

If you cannot stop cutting, you need to cut safely, i.e. clean blades and antiseptic. I know this sounds awful, but its what the NHS is trying to do, because they know that some people just won't/can't stop.

You went to the Priory right? What type of ward was it? By type, I mean, for example, I started off in a general adolescent pyschiatric ward, then went off to an adult PICU (Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit), and then an adolescent PICU, and then back to general.

F*ck you Mr. PICU.

PICU wards - Christ, you cannot even have mobile phones with you! You are only allowed one 15-minute telephone call per day and if you want your nails cut, someone else has to do it for you.

You can tell me to sod off if you want because I've never been in these sorts of places but I think people (women especially) should do all they can to keep themselves out of places like these. Jobs like mental hospitals and dealing with vulnerable people (children especially, but adults too) attract the vermin of our society - they can taunt, take advantage of, assault (sexually or otherwise) at will and they'll largely not get found and brought to justice. It's probably the last place I'd want to end up and I consider myself very lucky that I'm able enough to not likely see the inside of one. It sounds like it wasn't much fun for you, and you have my sympathies - even if I don't know what it's like.

I use surgical scalpel blades. I'd like to think i will stop cutting willingly one day with the right treatment to resolve my mental issues. I dont accept that some people will never stop, that just sounds like an NHS cop out to save spending lots of money on treating something that if done safely has no long term negative effects, even if it is deemed socially unacceptable. All self harm has a pshycological reasons that with the right treatment can be resolved

I was in The Priory Marchwood near Southampton. The Navy sent me there after I was found with blood all over my bed when the cleaner came in my room. I was on the General Adult Pshychiatric Ward for my entire stay.

Although the only treatment i had during my stay was 3 sessions with the consolutant pshychiatrist, 1 per week i was there. I was not allowed to any one to one counselling or therapy and was stopped from going to any group therapy sessions. The navy stopped me from going to those sessions and im very bitter about it. I was not even allowed to the sessions for self harm. I was very very bored and on average had 45 minutes activity a day as they did the odd relaxation session or group activities such as art.

The thing that annoyed me is I know i need help and treatment, yet Im incapable of asking for it. Even in the hospital I wished they had found out abut the self harm while i was there as they would have upped the supervision and would have had no choice but to overide the navy and treat me under the banner of the MHA.

I was slowly beginning to feel safe there so I suspect with the right treatment they would have got in my head and actually worked out whats going on.

The security is very lax. The ward door was NOT locked, even at night and the front door to the hospital although locked could be opened from the inside. I was even allowed in the grounds after the first few days. I was so close to escaping, the only reason i didnt is as above I want help even if i cant ask for it from the people in a position to help. I smuggled the scalpel blades in dead easy. They were hidden in battery compartments of my phone, alarm clock, razor, laptop etc etc. Dead easy to find if you checked quickly. I also had more hidden deeper inside the laptop, under insole of shoes.

In my opinion I need to be somewhere more secure until i get to the stage when they can control the cutting. EIther that or the Priory needs to review its security procedures as especially the searches of personal property were not thorough enough. They searched my bag but didnt even search my person which is crazy considering I was wearing a bulky coat with lots of pockets.

I'm very ill as far as self harm is concerned. I'd planned a 4 layered system to ensure i had access to sharps at all times. The top layer was a couple of loosely hidden blades I WANTED them to find to fool them into thinking they had all my sharps. They found them as they were simply tucked into a book. The second layer was to intially use torn coke cans to cut with that way if i got caught cutting in the first few days I would protect my stocks of sharps. The third layer was scalpel blades hidden loosely in battery compartments of my electrical items. The forth layer was scalpel blades hidden under the memory sticks inside laptop (even opening memory cover wouldnt show them, you need to remove memory sticks), also hidden under keyboard which had 2 clips to undo and lift and some under the insoles of my shoes.


What was thier justification for not allowing mobile phones in the PICU??? According to MHA restriction of rights of contact with outside world is only allowed on an individual patient level when its considered in the best interests of your health and treatment. Same with restrictions of your access to the public phone except they have the right to restrict that phone as necessary to ensure all patients have fair use of the phone.

If you were allowed access to the public phone i cant see how they could legally take your mobile away.

The only way i can see them justifying mobile restrictions is if they can prove that mobile phones can be used to self harm.

The rules are MUCH stricter now for nurses and workers in mental health and child care to prevent that happening. The screening is very good now compared to the bad old days.

The rules had to change after a few very high profile cases and investigations uncovering high levels of abuse with vulnerable people. Childrens homes, care homes, and suitability of foster parents came under heavy criticism.

I worked for 8 years in a CD/MI treatment center for teens.They were not allowed un superfised calls because they would use them to call drug friends to make drops on the grounds or arrange rides from friends.Most of them were court ordered,perhaps that is the differenc in personal freedoms.We did very thorough searches but people still managed to get drugs and cigs in.We did not allow razors or other sharps on the unit but they would break lightbulbs,tape cases,soda cans.....cutters can be very creative.The doors were not locked...if someone wanted to leave they could but if they were court ordered the police would be called and sometimes pick them up and take them to Juve.The staff were mostly recent college grads and they were pretty nice but nieve,some times lazy and a lot of them used pot themselves.....there were no UAs for staff.I was one of the few who was actually "sober".

I now work with developmentally Delayed clients and the recent trend is to hire people from Lyberia.They do bac ground checks but that hardly weeds out the lazy,drug addicts or incompetent.I find this a very dangerous trend.The majority that I work with dislike the clients and treat them with disrespect and neglect.It frightens me,because this population of clients are often more vulnerable then MI,many of them cant communicate abuse at all of are not believed.

Warren,I hope you will continue to seek treatment.I think if you can find someone who specializes in AS,you have a better chance of getting some insights into "what" is going on with you.At 43,it has been a long process for me but I have made some progress.(dont drink,cut or do other self-destructive things.)I think learning about AS has done more to help me understand myself then just about any other psych intervention....most of them were a waste of my time and energy.

Do not sod off, by all means. The nurses there were very, very weird. One decided that he would start tickling my feet while I was being restrained (what the f***?). You are very fortunate to have not seen one. They're not all bad though; the bedrooms were furnished well enough in the adolescent ward. But the adult ward was a DUMP. I was afraid to have a bath (there was no shower head) in case I were to catch some ghastly disease!

Oh yes, and to make things better, the serial killer that was suffering from bad schizophrenia was in a secure ward only down the road from me inside a PICU ward.

I hope that you can get out of your self-harm, and I agree, that self-harm can always be stopped. If you are ever having a crisis, do e-mail me. Just please, do NOT cut on any dilated blood vessels. You don't want a major haemorrhage.

Being found with blood all over your bed? That is an awful way to be found, I am sorry to say. I hope that that is behind you now. I've heard of The Priory hospitals; there is one in London.

I'm supposing that General Adult Psychiatric wards are like adolescent wards, but with a ton LESS of activities during the day...? I had access a classroom with lessons, and the internet, for instance. There were even walks to the rental shop (for those who were well enough) to buy DVDs, weekly outings during the school holidays and there was the gym too.

WHY THE HELL WEREN'T YOU ALLOWED TO GO TO THE THERAPY? WTF WAS THE POINT OF GOING TO THAT WARD IF YOU COULDN'T DO THERAPY? You must have been bored. It was probably worse than the adult PICU I stayed in (die, Tolworth, die).

I think that the Navy were trying to protect themselves, as in, do not make their employees look too ill so that their company will look good. Typical, isn't it, of people these days? I was thrown in at the deep end on the MHA. Section 2 straight away, and they took the advantage of the fact that I was too ill to appeal, as in not able to communicate properly for a while. Yeah, they could stuff with me with as much sedative as they wanted without a single worry about the "law"....

You could smuggle in blades? We had METAL DETECTORS for God's sake! Although I remember I smashed a mug in the hospital, but I was quickly "dealt with" after that.

You had some amazing proceedures for hiding your blades though! During my first hospital admission, I pinned them under my large amounts of hair (they generally don't metal detect your head) and once I even got a cutter friend to bring in a razor blade, which was literally never found because I hid it behind my desk. During my second hospital admission, there was a huge room search (which included a MALE nurse searching through my... um... women's stuff!) because somebody found a wrapping package for a knife - as in a heavy-duty one with a special chunky handle and a double blade! WOw.

I KNOW why they took my mobile phone away and wouldn't let me call much! I had been involved with someone on the internet... We had been exchanging things that we shouldn't have via e-mail (NOTHING sexual, don't worry! It's a long story) - I think that they were worried that I would contact him on my mobile, even though he lives in America. To be honest, I do miss him as he was a rather nice guy...

I also had a reputation for having good hacking skills, so I would have some nurse glaring at my screen when I was on the internet. It was difficult to e-mail anybody about anything personal for the whole stay!

PS: Note the word HAD. I do still know how to do these things, but my methods are outdated and I do not employ them any more. DO NOT be worried.

Wow. Long post.