Fantasizing about suicide as revenge

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Hey, maybe I can fantasize about writing and publishing the next great American novel - Mommie Dearest II.

A lawsuit would be pointless. They don't have much I can take from them.

Sadly, my mother has been paying for my weekly therapy sessions over the last year. She thinks that I am going there because I have admitted that my problems are exclusively of my own making. She often asks me what I am talking about with him, and I give her vague responses that make her feel good about the situation. I tell her I am working on myself, and that's all she needs to hear.

Yeah, I am working on myself. I need to accept that all of the BS that she and the rest of the family put me through is a reflection of their own f**ked-up mentalities. I was a child once, and I was defenseless once, and the family took advantage of that. I am an adult now, and I no longer have to own their insecurities.

As soon as I get enough hours on the job where I can pay for my own therapy, I'll start slipping out of her life. I don't feel bad about taking money from her at this point. She took advantage of my autism in order to boost her own insecure mind when I was younger - I am taking advantage of her constant desire to feel power and superiority over me in order to work on being my own man. I see nothing wrong with that situation whatsoever.

The family is starting to resent that I am not breaking down into an insecure mess every time they try to bait me these days, but hell, they don't need to break down into a mass insecure mess - they live in that state 24/7.

Yep.

I would have said "Cutting off your nose to spite your face."

Ah, yes, the book possibility, or the longish short story and three weeks in the life. And you can either sign the book with your name, or leave it anonymous where people might suspect but never really know. And both are perfectly credible alternatives.

I think it's fine to accept money from your mother, especially given the current economy. She really should not ask what you talk about with your therapist. It's a boundary issue that she does. And I think it's fine to give a vague, deflecting response.

I think I now know what the best revenge possible against my family could be.

I am a human amongst humans. I am not the vast disgrace that they somehow want me to believe that I am. Healthy people do not invest in much thought into judging me the way that they tend to do - frankly, they don't put any thought into it. They have their own lives.

I will have my own life. I will work on being who I want to be. I will give myself the raising that my family was incapable of providing for me - with the help of God and some healthy companionship.

Perhaps the best revenge is to not go for revenge at all, and to be who I was meant to be.

That is sounding good. The best revenge is not revenge, but making a worthwhile life despite the attempts of others to drag you down.

Schadenfreude is the best revenge.

Ah yes, living well is the best revenge.

('course sometimes the good written word helps, too )

Somebody did that to me once before. Really. Killed himself to get back at me. It worked for about a year. For about six months I was so depressed I thought of suicide. I drank a lot and wouldn't get out of the bed. I started getting better and then after about a year I realized that he was just an a**hole for doing that to screw me up for life and I wasn't going to let him.

It's called cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Look at the situation. Yeah, he got a little revenge on me, but not for long and he's still dead and I'm over it. It's really not worth it. Try revenge that hurts them and not you. Like terrible rumors, or saltpetre. Something like that.

while my childhood situation wasn't as bad the OP, Ive distanced myself from my family. I haven't spoken to them for a year, I did give them a chance 2 years ago, but they blew it.

My revenge is being successful and enjoying my life. I don't need them in my life.

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Last edited by henry14488 on 16 Dec 2012, 7:03 am, edited 4 times in total.

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So glad you are getting a healthy perspective on this issue kagaminelen, best wishes from me as you get your life together. It is NOT YOUR FAULT you have such a dysfunctional, egocentric and abusive family that think a person with autism / AS is not a fully functioning person. In fact many of us function a great deal better than they!!

Becoming a success, maybe even achieve some fame, this will throw them right off guard.

I hope you will one day find that someone special, that soul mate that will supply beautiful companionship and support to you. In the meantime, your friends on WP are there for you.

Oh man, I am so sorry that your family treated you like that. You have my deepest sympathies, though that's not worth a whole lot. But I'm glad to hear that you're committed to making the best life for yourself and not letting them drag you down. Keep it up!