My own mother is ashamed of me

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So I just heard my mom talking on the phone. Like five minutes ago. I didn't do it on purpose, I would never intrude on someone else's conversation but she was talking about me so I thought that made it my business, and I was curious.
She said horrible things. It's like all the things I'm afraid people might think about me, she thinks them all.
She thinks I'm a lazy, emotionless... thing. She thinks I do nothing and I stay in my room all day because I'm a lazy freak and that I DON'T HAVE ANY FEELINGS !
And she was talking about what a pain I was when I was a kid because I cried a lot.
And so many horrible things...

I want to give up. I want to stop breathing. It's too much, there's a limit to what a person can take.
I have nothing to live for. It's too hard, I'm in a tiny box, there's no way to get out. I'm trapped. I can't do anything. I need help. Why do other people get help and sympathy when they break a nail, and I have to be alone, all the time, forever. So much pain, so much loneliness, and I keep breathing. Why do I keep breathing, how is my brain still working... I don't understand WHY I can still walk and talk and type when I'm all broken inside ...

Again, I must try to suggest to you that you need to distance yourself emotionally from your mother. Believe me, I *know* how almost impossible that is. Mum and I were the same person - it's common with mother and daughter. What Mum believed about me was the truth to me - I never considered having another truth opposite to my mother's.

Your well-being seems totally, 100%, immersed in one person, your mother. I think you can't see any further than that.

Really, this is serious therapy territory. Can you talk to somebody?

Is there such a thing as you and your mother believing different things about you? Ideally, you'd think, "It's terrible about Mum's opinion of me, but it changes nothing." As it is, it destroys you. You can have a place of strength of your own, regardless of anybody else.

Was there something about making a phone call? Your mother is sabotaging you. She's not going to hand you the phone. Do it yourself, please!

No, I don't think what she thinks about me is the truth. I KNOW it's BS. If it was the truth, it wouldn't matter.
Just because my current life problem involves my mother doesn't mean I have a "mother problem". That was YOUR problem which you are clearly projecting on me.
I'm just finding out stuff and opening my eyes and it hurts to learn your own mother thinks horrible things about you. It SHOULD hurt, that's normal. If it didn't hurt, then I would indeed have no feelings, and she would be right about everything and then there wouldn't be a problem ! !



Again WRONG ! So wrong. I can see SO much further than that. I see crap all around me. Just piles and piles of s**t. (not literally that would be gross)
I have NOTHING ! ! My mom is just the person who's beating me when I'm down. Nothing more. She doesn't decide if I'm happy or sad, she just makes my horrible life even worse than it already was. If none of it had happened then I would STILL be f*****g depressed.



I don't feel like it. I couldn't call my own friends when I still had some. There's no way I'm calling. I can't do it. It won't change anything anyway. Yes I know it's pathetic, but I don't care, I don't have the strenght to do ANYTHING anymore. No, I'll just keep eating and sleeping and looking at the ceiling and be a burden for everybody. And keep hoping for a nervous breakdown, whatever that is, or a heart attack due to lack of moving.

I'm truly sorry if I'm projecting my mother problems onto you. That's a horrible thing to do and I'm sorry.

Project all you want, it's fine. No need to apologize. And thank you for replying anyway.

I know how you feel... My mother measures everyone by how much money and fancy stuff they have... needless to say, my small car and tasteful suite do not measure up to my cousins with their luxury vehicles and homes...