Disappearing

Post Reply New Topic

I'd rather not. I wouldn't like the idea of moving at all from my blanket. I used to listen to music while I go to bed but I can sleep without it so I don't anymore.
I know it's not. People here just don't care about being rational or nice. Being reckless because their dads own houses in 3 different continents means they're good people apparently. And yea, I'm glad I'm leaving in 2 months and 3 weeks left until no more lessons. I hate this place.
My parents are pretty useless yes.
I'll check that out in the pharmacy next time. I use my laptop a lot, just before I go to bed too. It's kinda hard to change that habit.
I tell my best friend everything. He's an Aspie too but he's only been diagnosed at the beginning of February. He's also a victim like me and we only have each other. He's the one who showed me the closet in the academic building.

There's a technique called 'resourcing', which can help your system re-regulate...It's a practice kind of thing, a little something to do every day that strengthens your system. It's based on neuroscience, tho' you don't have to really know any, that's just to say it's been proven effective in the lab & is reproducible. It's a directed thought practice...would you be interested in learning it?

I come from a wealthy family, too, & I have met my share of cruellas...but as I am a more outgoing type Aspie, they learned early on not to mix it up w/me; I can have a savage tongue when I feel attacked. So I was still excluded, but I was left alone...& my best friend was my horse, I spend every available hour down at the riding stable. I think that was my salvation.

OK, a little context...for evolutionary reasons, the brain has what is called a 'negative bias'. It looks for danger, obviously useful when there are actual tigers waiting to eat you. However, that negative bias can take over our lives 'til it feels like nothing good ever happens. This literally rewires the brain towards depression & anxiety.

So resourcing is helping to balance that tendency, encourage & support the rewiring of the brain towards calmness & confidence. It's got a solid neuroscience basis, so this isn't woo-woo stuff.

First, get in your safe space, whatever that is at the moment. Take a few slow, deep breaths. This helps the heart slow down & encourages the parasympathetic nervous system to release calming neurotransmitters in the brain.

Now, this is a body based technique, so rather than emotion words it emphasizes sensation words. This means rather than saying you feel anxious, angry, or peaceful, we'll be looking for how the body experiences those feelings w/words like tense, relaxed, sharp, tingly, soft, warm, heavy, light, colors, shapes, textures, etc. OK?

So, now that you are in your safe space, & have taken a few deep breaths, notice your weight against the floor, the support of the floor under your feet or fanny, the support of the bed, the chair, the wall...then notice if it's pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. Just notice w/out judging. Notice where there is tension in the body, AND where there isn't any tension (I find there is rarely tension in my feet & knees, for example). Allow your attention to go to the areas where the sensations are neutral or pleasant. This is the grounding phase.

Then, call to mind something pleasant, something that brings joy, gratitude, calmness. It can be a pleasant memory about people, places, animals, activities, skills, special interests...whatever you love, enjoy. It can be a personal characteristic, like hyperfocus or kindness, something about your body, like strong legs or good handwriting. I find that something from my day often arises: the intense color of an orange, or a particular new fact about my special interest, or just how the light fell on something. I can bring it to mind & enjoy it again. This is the 'Resource'.

Once you have identified your Resource, dwell on it. Intensify the pleasantness of it by really noticing it. If the resource is an object, think about its particular qualities. If it's a place, call to mind the details, the sounds, the smells, the quality of the air...Now, invite your attention to the sensations of the body, notice any pleasant feelings, what are the sensations that let you know it is pleasant? Has there been any change in the areas that were tense? Just notice & then shift back to the resource again, re-establish the imagery & re-visit the pleasant sensations in the body.

This is an especially helpful practice to do at night as you wait to fall asleep. It sets the brain in a more relaxed mode than the fretting most of us usually do. Sleep will be more restful & the re-wiring will be more complete.

It's not going to turn you into a giggling idiot, it's merely going to balance out the negative bias of the mind, increase your resiliency in the face of the bullying. With practice, the jerks in life won't have so much control over you.

It takes a couple of weeks of daily practice to really begin to notice a change...it will become easier to find your resources, to identify the pleasant parts of the day. In 6 weeks there will be significant brain re-wiring. No, you won't be all "better", but I think you'll notice the difference yourself & be encouraged. This is an excellent technique for increasing your 'peak performance' abilities.

Does this make sense? Do you have any questions?

Hey, I'm back. I'm glad to hear you've tried this technique & it's been helping a bit. I do wish I could help you w/the bad stuff, I wish I could make it go away for you, and I can't, but hopefully I can help you be stronger, help you weather the next few weeks.

How are you doing today?

Hey, I'm back. I'm glad to hear you've tried this technique & it's been helping a bit. I do wish I could help you w/the bad stuff, I wish I could make it go away for you, and I can't, but hopefully I can help you be stronger, help you weather the next few weeks.

How are you doing today?

Wow, lotsa changes. That's hard to handle when you're already in a fragile state of mind.

Does deep breathing, mindful breathing help at all?

So, how do you feel about the change of relationship w/him?

I know you 'hide' in the disappearing...but describing yourself as 'feeling dead', that's not the same, is it? Sounds like a bit of a mixed bag, if it is.

Could you tell me what part of the world you're in? I'm trying to figure out what time zone you're in. You don't need to get very specific, if that makes you uncomfortable, just name a big city in the same time zone. New Mexico is in the Denver time zone, FYI.

England...no wonder our times seem so off. So if I use London to find your time, that will work? I'm wondering if maybe you'd like to figure out a regular time we could chat online...up to you.

In my experience, anything unresolved is quite uncomfortable. Learning how to stay steady is a HUGE skill, & very useful. I didn't realized how uncomfortable I was w/open questions until just a few years ago & looking back I can see that sometimes I made a mess in trying to get an answer, push for an answer rather than wait. Know what I mean?

Emotions don't seem to be very well integrated in us Aspies, but w/time & attention, we can educate ourselves about what we are feeling. I've had to do it, and now I'm helping a young woman in New Zealand understand her emotions. After 6 months she understands many of them much better, & they are not as frightening for her.

And she is also practicing the resourcing & it's helping her, too.

Is visiting w/me a help?

OK, so it's about 1:30 in the afternoon here & about 8:30 in the evening where you are, I think.