Just finished my suicide notes

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Yes and no. I went to the team training today but my boy wasn't there. So I pissed off my boss for a training session that I didn't want to go to anyway. Mum understandably lost it when I told her about my finances.

I'm all confused. Not even five minutes after ripping me a new one the boss comes over to my desk offering me some TV shows he downloaded. I can't see a future for myself any more. All my fantasies are gone.

Even Mum seems to have completely forgotten about everything.

I'm just flat and numb.

Kezzstar, I would first like to tell you that you're not alone with these feelings (although I'm sure you know many of us feel this way too). I too have felt as though I should give up.

I too rely on my mother to house me. I live with her. And my dad. I don't drive, and they drive me around, or I take a bus (the public transportation in South Florida is nothing too great to talk about). And my room is a pigsty too. I didn't even have a job until my mom could find an opening at her job for me, and I rarely get work because we're given work in order of seniority (this is a company that has more employees than it can deal with and all of them have been there at least 30 years, and I started last year). I don't pay rent, but I have credit cards; about ten accounts open and I have a few of them maxed out. My mom helps me make payments on all of them; I'm too embarrassed to tell her that even with her help I'm only able to make partial payments.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Understandably your mom can be disappointed with you; do make sure you explain your situation to her. I'm sure if you sit down and talk to her about how you feel, then you both will begin to feel better. Tell her how you feel about your quality of life. You don't need to mention suicide, just how let down you feel in life.

If you kill yourself, you lose everything. If you don't, then you don't lose (even if you don't feel like you're winning). Think about all the pain and suffering that killing yourself will do to you. Proof read your suicide notes. Is that how you want to be thought of after your death? Rewrite them to be a positive reflection on your life. Remove the negativity, and replace it with the things you have been grateful for. Make it a thank you note. It is thanksgiving after all. Many people get depressed around the holidays too.

You found yourself with your fantasies gone. Dream of some new ones. Or dream of ways you can modify your existing fantasies into slightly different ones.

Share your feelings with your mom, your boss, us, etc. Ask for more than just financial help.

YES. Even if you find yourself in the process of admitting defeat on all points in a conversation, I feel I should remind you that accountability is an immaterial commodity; be it with your boss or your family, shouldering responsibility in the moral sense always catches you up. It's a rocky road, but as I'm sure you're aware it beats the alternatives. Of course, if you're seriously in a rut, potentially one of us could pop over to your hemisphere and pick you up.

Your not alone we all been there, http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt214544.html heres mine from a while back I have attempted twice before then. I nearly succeded only to have 911 called on me and put in a 51/50 hold on christmas eve.

Kezzstar, hear me out: You are not alone in this world. Don't feel hopeless. There will ALWAYS be someone to help you in some way. I am one of those people. *hugs*

no don't commit suicide,please don't

The best way to respond to life when it's kicking your ass is to get back up

So I just inadvertantly embarrassed the life out of my poor player. He was at training today (afternoon session, which the boss likes as it just means I do the early shift) and I took one of the banners I had made (the only completed one, hand-sewing is HARD) which was for him so I could give it to the clubs cheersquad property manager (I'm deputy property manager), so after training, in front of everyone, the PM calls out to my boy and shows him the banner. All his team mates got into him and the coaches made me take a photo with him, the PM and the banner.

It was nice to have a chat to my boy afterwards (and for the first time he referred to me by my name) but I feel so embarrassed and I just wish my life would end already!