I weep for the future

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You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned consumerism. That is what is so depressing. That is what I am depressed about. You have to sacrifice and make commitments to have a family. Our culture does not encourage that at all. In fact, it is quite the opposite. We are cows grazing for our corporate overlords. It does not profit them for people to be responsible and save money and delay gratification and think about the possible negative consequences of our actions. When I say every generation is getting worse, I mean that every generation is more and more self-centered and it takes longer and longer to mature. Also we are more self-destructive and anti-social like consequences don't matter. Somebody else will take care of the consequences. It is like people want to be adolescents forever. They never get to the point of maturity. People don't have common sense any more. If I am having a child and I am immature (still a kid emotionally even though I am in my 20's and my parents are taking care of the kids I've produced as well as me), how can my kids ever hope to learn how to be an adult and a responsible citizen? Also, what is their concept of sex, romantic relationships, and parenthood going to be?

Admittedly my view is warped by growing up in a dysfunctional family, living in a poor neighborhood in an economically depressed and backward part of the country, having a social life that revolves mostly about hanging out with drug addicts in support groups, and I have worked as a probation officer cleaning up society's mess and seeing how hopelessly clueless a lot of people my age are. Maybe I don't see things accurately because I have associated with the wrong people, but statistics back me up on what I am saying about people being less mature and less loving and unable to sustain long-term relationships.

Also, the things that help stabilize society cost money and the government is less willing to pay for it (teachers, schools, social workers, mental health care). Even our government on the federal level is affected by our society's turn toward extreme individualism, the "me" first mentality. There is no concept of community or long-term planning.

what are cat memes?

I love Wendy Williams. She is one of my personal heroes. I also love Nirvana. It kind of makes me mad that MIley Cyrus wants to be so punk rock. She is the exact opposite of punk rock. She doesn't know what Wendy Williams or the Plasmatics stood for! That's for another rant though, how most pop music now is garbage.

Also, I might be ignorant of the facts, but isn't the fight for sexual liberation for women a fight that has long ago been won? Why are women still trying to fight that fight today? I see other ways that women are slighted in the U.S.

That won't make me any less of neurotic. In fact, thinking about my future sex life is where the panic and neuroticism comes from. I never really obsessed about this stuff until I graduated from college earlier this month and got into a position where I actually have the time and money to date. Now I think if s**t has gotten this bad in the short time I have been alive, I hate to think about what it will be when I get older. I don't know if I want to have kids and force them to live through whatever the future brings. Then I think, why should I be alive if I don't reproduce? Life is so painful anyway because of the AS and all my other issues, why even try?

I also disagree about sex helping me with depression. I want a woman to listen to me, care about me, and maybe hold me more than I want sex. Casual sex is all that I know, and it doesn't do anything for me. I don't see why people get so excited about it. It is the emotional connection and the physical affection that is a psychological need for me, not the sex. In fact, if prostitution was legal, I'd probably spend ninety percent of the time laying in bed with the prostitute talking about my life while she stroked my hair and feigned concern.

No one on these boards is going to "contemplate suicide" without some tough love.

I share some of your feelings and thoughts. I too was afraid to have children, but mostly because I didn't want to risk passing on some of the poison I received in response to this diverse hand that I've been dealt. No one who is autistic is really sick, although some have real brain damage. Most don't, and I would argue and speculate that we're made for a time of severe stress, which the human family has endured many times in history. We may be increasing in number, almost exponentially, in response to the growing stress that you're concerned about.

My way out was to find a partner who was the most mentally healthy person that I had ever met. She's a saint, really, and an answer to a prayer. She wasn't the best looking, and she wasn't the person that I loved the most, or had the best sex with, but she was willing to put up with me, and that's your ticket to happiness. That's the person I pray you find, also.

The thing is, we are programmed mostly for reproduction, not this artificial jungle of concrete and steel, and while I would not want to return to a cave someplace, I have to recognize the power of its influence over my psyche. It's unavoidable. All you have to do is watch a Petri dish of bacterial to realize that while you may think you're a lot better than they are, at the cellular level, you're really not. Is it better to be sexually "bad" with one person .... without a doubt, is my experience, and I was very bad for longer than I care to admit. It's a miracle that I'm healthy.

The other thing I did was to eliminate most of the poison in my life, and that's the hardest thing. The poison is everywhere when you're different, you're surrounded by it. Critical family, substance abuse, job you hate, any number of things. The combination can and does kill people.

Without making any religious arguments whatsoever, I strongly suspect we have help that we cannot see, all around us, and if you hold out your hand you can find it.

The American Indians, who lived in an environment few of us could survive, discovered the phenomena by accident, and were so mystified by this seemingly magical help, that they assumed only their ancestors would care enough to do such a thing., and a mythology was born. The help, however, isn't subject to the confines of a myth. It exists for another reason, which is beyond my full understanding.

Speaking of Petri dishes ...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HGdoMgkvWY[/youtube]

What are cat memes?

View Lolcats here

Basically the complete opposite of solemnity and seriousness.

I understand what you are saying. When you said getting laid, I thought you were talking about sex for the sake of sex. I only want it if it is an authentic expression of affection.

The reason this stuff has such powerful emotional resonance for me has nothing to do with AS and everything to do with my parents being self-centered and abusive and me making a personal commitment not to make my kids suffer like I have suffered, like what you said--not passing on the poison. I haven't worked through my issues yet. That's why I'm so angry.

I'm glad to see that you have someone. It gives me hope.

I like those too.

Someone much smarter than me observed that anger turned inward is depression. It's true up to the point, but try being both autistic and bipolar. You learn that depression is far more complex. So I don't blame others for everything. I can't.

One interesting thing that I've discovered, in the same vein of thought, is that if you can manage to align your anger with this invisible help, such that your goals are the same in terms of helping others, you will find more power than you imagined was humanly possible. It takes thinking outside the box to discover what really helps your fellow man.

This is one of your most powerful tools to deal with anger. By realigning it to help others, you become an arm of this invisible help, and then the veil is lifted, and when that veil is lifted, you will never contemplate suicide again.

Human beings need encouragement as much as they need good sex, but sometimes the two go hand in hand. That's thinking outside the conventional box

I have a feeling that if you master the gift of encouragement, you will find the woman you are looking for.

Well, I'd ask you out if I was single and lived on the same continent, if that helps your confidence any.

I also weep for the future of the world and of my neighbourhood. There are slut-like teens who walk past with their hyper macho boyfriends making ignorant noises. Miley Cyrus is also setting a bad example for young girls. There are also many NT females who come pretty close to Rosanne Arnold with their bitchy attitudes and Valley Talk. The gender binary is the strongest it's been since the 19th Century. It's exaggerated to the same extent though in a different way than it was in the 1800s. I just buck that trend, anyways.

There's also another thing that makes me weep for the future of the world. Global warming and the rising sea level. I've read articles and seen videos on YouTube about the possibility of the sea level rising 20 feet or more over the next 20 years if we don't do anything to reverse the emissions of the green house and fumes caused by fossil fuels that's in the air. This is the thing that scares me the most.

Exactly.

Generalization alert: aren't Aspies often accused of this very thing: being immature, unable to function in society, still depending on their parents? Hmm...if this is so common, then there are either more people with Asperger's than we realize <sarcasm> or that stereotype is a load of crap. I KNOW I do not have the emotional capacity to take care of a child, so I choose not to do so. I am 34, female, and my "clock" is probably ticking--but I don't care. I am not going to have a child I can't take care of properly.

If things change in that regard later in life, I'll adopt and/or foster. Plenty of kids out there who will need homes...sadly.

I agree 100% with the "consumerism" thing too. This past holiday season at Walmart was AWFUL. I cannot fathom why people seem to think that a lot of new "toys" are absolutely essential for their existence.



I see that with a lot (not all, thankfully) of the people around me. Many who are younger than I am actually seem to be in stable, loving relationships (without having kids too soon)--and I hope, for their sakes and their future children, that they last.



Yes. Very sad.

IMO, this society needs to break down and start over (as extreme as that sounds). It's like multiple things going wrong with the body during a serious illness--sometimes, there is no "fixing" what is there.

Where's my copy of IDIOCRACY?

That is a very mature statement right there. Maybe we are more mature than society gives us credit for.

Thank you, and I agree--maybe we are. What others have called "overthinking" (at least in my case) may be another strength in actuality.