Getting a restraining order against my parents

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^ Well, having a restraining order is my only surefire way of getting them out of my life when I leave them permanently.

You cannot get a restraining order because they lecture you. They have to either have made some threat, or they have to constantly show up at your place even though you tell them not to. There has to be a history of behavior that you want stopped before you get that. That is the law. Restraining orders don't keep anybody from doing anything, they simply allow prosecutors to make a better case when they do violate it. It adds to the charge too. It also shows that they have been legally warned.

You can talk to a lawyer and see what you can do about keeping them away but a restraining order is not it. It's not made for this and it's not used for this and the judge will not issue one for this. No judge will issue one so you won't have to be lectured.

Do you have plans to move yet? Actual, workable plans that you are progressing on? As in a job, saving money, looking for work elsewhere, looking for places to live elsewhere? I ask this because I get frustrated sometimes because I try so hard to explain that you seem to be planning but not making workable plans and following them. It's time to get past the "someday" stage and make a plan starting next week and going all the way to next year, and then get out there and follow it. It's not going to be fun. It's not going to be tailored to you out in the world. You are going to get a job and it will not be fun. You will not enjoy it, but you will get paid. It's a start. After work experience there you can get another job somewhere better. You keep doing that, sticking it out no matter what and showing up and keeping on keeping on and putting money in the bank and not spending it on stuff you want now, and then after about a year you have at least the beginnings of a work record and some money saved. Then you start phase two which is looking for another place in LA if that's still where you want to go.

But until you do phase one, which is the sh***y part of it, you will never, ever get to phase two. I'm saying this because I like you and I don't want to see you wasting your life waiting until something is perfect before you act. Nothing will ever be perfect. Work sucks. Take anything you can get and keep looking for better while you are working. That is the only, and I mean absolutely only way you will ever get out to LA on your own. Really. I say this cause I care about you. You know I do, and I'm not being mean.

Hit me up on FB if you want us to look at Craigslist again. I think waiting for the perfect job is a very bad idea unless you want to stay where you are now. I'll gladly help you find places to go interview, if you actually go and interview. I'll gladly investigate neighborhoods and prices in LA and jobs and all that for you. I'll make phone calls and do all kinds of stuff to finally get your little happy butt out there if you will just do this. Hell, I'll make your plan for you and tell you what to do if you'll just do it please. I'll get you out there if you do what I tell you to do. But you have to do it. If you want my help with this, hit me up on FB anytime. I'll even give you my number and you can text me but I got a smartphone the other day so I have FB on it now. YOu can message me there and it'll show up anytime. I feel so 21st century now lol.

But a restraining order isn't what you want, and they won't give it for that. A lawyer might can work something out. Probably the best way is when you leave just scream at them and tell them you never want to see them again. When they call scream into the phone and hang up and change your number. When they show up scream again and threaten them with the cops. Enough of that and they will leave you alone for real. They also won't give you any money though, ever, until you apologize and probably a lot so be sure about it before you cut them off.

So hit me up if you want me to help you out. I really can show you how to do this, but you have to do the actual work.

^ I haven't asked for much money from them for the past few years to begin with, anyway.

I just threw that in there because kids usually ask for money from their parents from time to time when they have to. That's been my experience on both sides of the womb. That really had nothing to do with the entire point of my post and offers.

Is that really all you got from what I posted?

Really?

^ No, I was just feeling too angry initially when you posted that.

I will say this, on another note: Sometimes my mind goes too fast; such is my life in a fast-paced world; at times, I tend to forget some things.

Were you mad at me or your parents?

When it goes too fact, then write things down. Thats how you remember to set your clock and get up and go to the interview for that crappy job at the plant store that will give you work experience so you can get a slightly less crappy job next time and so on. Your first job won't be fast paced, I pretty much guarantee you.

My two sons both got jobs in factories through a temp agency. One has a GED the other one told them he had a GED and they didn't check and won't now anyway, he's been there a year. You don't need book knowledge to do these jobs, just the ability to follow instructions and learn the few steps needed to run one machine that you run when parts come by it on the line. They get paid good money and the company offers benefits down the road. It's boring, yes but the money cancels out the boring. My younger son is 20 years old and been there a year and supports himself and his girlfriend on his paycheck. He's the one who told them he had a GED. He's a smart kid, he just hates school. He's the one I think has a little AS but he's not interested in finding out cause what's it gonna change? He's happy with his life and what he does, as small as it is in the whole scheme of things.

The boys got these jobs by looking in the phone book (or actually only by looking up temporary employment agencies) and finding companies that will place guys in factory or labor positions. Stuff you don't need experience or knowledge for. They went and filled out forms, took drug tests and waited on the call back. There was no big interview. It was when can you work, do you have transportation or a dependable way to get to and from work, have you ever been arrested for non traffic violations as an adult and not a youthful offender, will you be able to work all shifts, is this the number we can reach you at? Then a couple weeks later they were called and told where to go and shown what to do and they go to work every day except Sundays usually now, but sometimes have Saturdays off too. Even if they don't have factories up there they have labor jobs. Those are mainly working cleanup on construction sites. You load scraps into a wheelbarrow and go put it in the dumpster. You sweep up sawdust and sheetrock dust and bits of wire and cigarette buts. You go fill up the water jugs. You do that all day long and it takes absolutely no skill at all and you don't have to actually interact with anybody else. You can daydream away while pushing that broom or wheelbarrow. Can you not do something like this to get started and start putting money in the bank so you can do this?

I am NOT being mean to you but you have been talking about this big move to LA and your plans since I first saw you here and you haven't made one actual step closer to it yet other than maybe talking to some people about maybe one day doing this or possibly that etc. I'm not calling you lazy or anything. I know you are not lazy. I think you just do not know how to get started in life and you have the idea that life is going to be different than it is. You are going to have to go through a lot of crap to get to the good part but it's not crap all the time, and it puts your feet on that road and makes you start moving them.

I'm saying this to you like I would say it to one of my own kids or one of their friends who come over if I knew their situation and that they wanted something so, so SO damn bad but just couldn't manage to start working toward it. I would tell them what I'm telling you now. That until you force yourself to put one foot in front of the other and make yourself deal with crap jobs you don't like so you get experience and can get better jobs later on, and start putting money in the bank, you are not going anywhere at all and will be right there with your parents. I'm not saying this to put you down. I want to do the opposite. I want to give you a leg up to put you way up there where you want to be, and I don't know what your reason is for not starting out and trying, but I can tell you this, there is a lot of failure out there for everybody and you have to keep trying. Don't give up when it gets bad, keep going because it will work out and get good again and go up and down forever, that is life. And while it's sucky at times it's great at others. And I like you and I want you out there on your own living your life, dealing with the sucky BS when you have to and enjoying the hell out of the good times that you'll also have. And you cannot do that until you start taking steps to do it. I will help you do that. But you also have to do things you don't want to do to get to where you want to be because you are not independently wealthy, or an heir to some fortune with an uncle who owns the state of Minnesota and can give you a desk job, nor a genius with 35 ideas for new operating systems just sitting in your head. You are like the rest of us and have to work for it and that is going to suck but it's going to make you so proud when you achieve something that you are going to feel so good about it and I'm going to be so proud of you too because I know you can do this if you WILL do this.

Now, I'll put my "mom soapbox" up and climb down off it. This wasn't a lecture or a bitching session, I typed this out of concern and because I care and because you are a nice boy and somebody has to light a fire under you if you are going to do this, or possibly much else. I don't know why, but it's hard to start for you. It'll get easier as you go along though. And you'll have people there for you to talk to and listen and help out. I'll be there. I'll do all thsoe things I said I'd do to help you get where you want to be, but you gotta do your part too and it's the main part.

Whatcha say? Lets put on some "Eye of the Tiger" or whatever your generation listens to for motivation and get busy with getting busy. I'm there to help. You just name the time and the FB and I'll be there.

^ I wasn't mad at you at all, no. Just a little infuriated, but I am better now.

If you are of legal age, and mentally competent to handle your own affairs, you don't need a marriage, or a court order to move away from your parents--just go. If money is a problem, get a job, and bank most of what you make, in an account that is only in your name. If you are living in a relative's home you should pay them some rent out of your income, but if you help around the house, that amount should be less than if you don't help around the house. The rent amount you pay a relative should not exceed 25% of your net take-home pay, and should also not exceed the going rate for a room rental in your area. Once you have enough money to pay for a place of your own--go.

Once you are on your own, it doesn't matter if they have your internet or phone contact info. You get to decide whether you will read emails, or accept calls, so it's not even necessary to change these accounts, unless you are escaping from a domestic violence situation.

I get along with my relatives, but find social contact--even with them--to be very stressful. Because of this I don't always answer their calls or emails. I make contact with them when I am able to deal with it, and guess what? The world doesn't come to an end because of it. Granted, they won't be happy about it, but you have your own life to live, and as someone on the spectrum, you have a low tolerance for negative stress. You need to use any legitimate methods of reducing stress in your life.

You were not clear as to the problem with your relatives, or as to a real need for a restraining order or name change. If they have old world values, and follow old world customs, perhaps they are somewhat stricter in their views, and in what they expect of you. This is not a sufficient enough reason for a restraining order or a name change. If you find their ways too incompatible with the life you want to lead, just move out. As for the name, if you really don't like it, just change it, but don't change it just because you are mad at your family. As for marriage, don't rush into that until you really know the other person well enough to know if the two of you would be a good match. That takes at least a year, and two years is better, and you would benefit from living on your own--without a live-in partner for at least a year. It will give you experience in living as a mature, independent, and individual adult, that will help you in your personal relationships later on.

Hope this helps!

I'm sorry if wanting a restraining order is the most extreme move on my part, but it's the ONLY sure-fire way of getting them out of my life....... I just have no means to move out, however, and it is difficult for me to find them.