Do aspies never grow up or mature?

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I've always been too much in my own world to worry about what my physical age is & what age I mentally am. In some ways I'm immature for my age but that's fine with me. I'm on disability because of physical disabilities I was born with & I live with my girlfriend who has a Section 8 housing voucher thing. I have worked in the past some but I'm still pretty dependent in lots of ways. But why do I need to worry about growing up & maturing if I'm getting by OK

Being slower to mature has had benefits for me as a much older person - I have retained my sense of wonder and spirit of inquiry, I am open to new ideas, and younger people find this very refreshing. I find their energy refreshing. I'm not one of the "old stick in the mud" types and I like having friends of all age groups (which I do). I don't know any NTs who are the same, particularly NTs in my age group (nearly 70). So maybe that is a benefit of being on the spectrum and being slower to mature.

I'm very mature. I'm much more of an adult than my NT husband. I'm responsible, I'm capable of looking at things with proper perspective, I'm pragmatic and I can make good decisions. I can also choose to make bad decisions because I want to, but when I make a bad decision I'm aware of exactly what it is.

If I were to want to feel younger and less mature I would probably choose a time in my early 20's to think back to and not childhood. I'm not interested in any childish things like playing, children's books, or cartoons. I wasn't ever really into them as a child and because I have four children I associate those things with children, not myself. There is nothing wrong with adults liking those things, but I'm simply not one of them. I cannot see things as simplistic as people can who are childish. I'm not using childish as an insult either, but undoubtably there are people who are childish. Those people see things either as good or bad, right or wrong, etc. I know that there are many different things inbetween absolutes and most things fall there.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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This is also a sore point issue with me right now because at the moment my husband is being very childish. I can find no reason whatsoever for adults who are supposedly functioning and contributing members of society to be this childish. I don't know if something is wrong with him or what. He's gotten worse over the years. The man really needs to grow the hell up. He's 51, not 15.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Ahh ... But there is a vast difference between childish and childlike behaviors!

Childishness involves being irresponsible, self-centered, demanding, petulant ... In other words, behaving like a spoiled brat.

Being childlike includes curiosity, cooperation, trust, friendship, innocence, openness ... In other words, being well-behaved and likable.

When I am being playful, then I'm being child-like; but when I get grumpy because someone disagrees with me, then I'm being childish.

I'm kind of immature in some ways. I like kiddish things like going down slides. (I look at it as getting my childhood back, because when I was little I was too afraid to go down slides.) I take childlike pleasure in things like going to a fair or getting ice cream. I still like reading books written for preteens.

In some ways I do feel like a normal teenager, though. (Well, not "normal", but I feel like the age I am.) I'm excited to grow up and see what the future will bring. Hopefully it won't mean having to stop liking any of the things I like.

If I were to pin myself at a certain mental age, truth be told I'm not sure what it would be. I feel jaded, cynical, stubborn, and tired like an old man, but I also feel lost and bewildered by the adult world, like a child would be. I think I would have been better off if I never aged past 10 years old, or at least if I were given another shot at being 15/16/17.

I'd lock my physical age at 12 years old forever if I could. Just before puberty, reproduction would no longer be my problem and my mind would be pretty well developed. My mindset was always that of a solider growing up, someone gave me official instructions and I did it. My teachers and parents always thought I was so well behaved. I don't know if I'd call that mature, I was more akin to a machine. I didn't choose to be orderly, it was the only way I knew how to act. These days I've tried acting more like my age and more independent, I wouldn't call it regression considering I was never at this state in the first place. Something new

A few people have told me I'm like a teenager. As long as I'm having fun I don't mind being stuck in an endless puberty. Who wants to grow up, anyway?

I grew up WAY too fast. I was never into playing with other kids, I was rather friendly with a book or my clarinet. Besides, the mantra in the family was work until you drop over dead, then get back up and start working. If the teacher said, go out and play after school, my parents would say, f!ck the teacher, get yer godammed ass in this house, get yer homework done and get to work.

I've only done the bare necessities of what I need to do to be independent. I haven't the slightest desire to be cared for by my parents or anyone else, I want to be responsible for myself and my future. So I got a full time job, a place to live on my own and a car, not because I'm expected to but because I genuinely want those things and I desire to be on my own very much. If that's grown up, sure, then I guess we do, but I'm still not very social and I still stick to my special interests.

Maturity happens in cycles. It is coupled with knowledge and experience. It is hard to pay attention to everything that regular people pay attention to, which makes them seem faster to mature because they experience a lot more variety of things in life in a shorter amount of time. This gives them more experiences in which I have not yet had the chance. Once I have the chance to focus on a certain aspect of adult life and practice those things then I become more comfortable. I am slower to mature, but slow does not mean I have not matured.

I will give an example: I was a lot more comfortable watching cartoons on television than I was watching non-animated shows for a long time because that is all I watched for several years as a child -- changing that was something that I had to discover how to do. I thought watching regular people interacting was very boring. When I discovered science-related shows that were not animated, that is when I made a small transition. I made many small transitions, but I think they could have occurred faster if the adults in my life had cared to take interest in my development. I was not normal in a large community of simple-minded religious adults. Normal children received positive attention and abnormal kids were punished and shamed until they could act normal. This forceful approach was not helpful.

I had several regression periods where I did not “feel” like an adult after 18, 21, or even 25 years old. After I turned 28, I had longer periods where I did feel mature. Now I am in my 30’s and that maturity is consistent. I still have meltdowns, but everyone does when they are very stressed. People on the autism spectrum become stressed in similar ways to people who have PTSD. Our sensory system becomes overloaded and can cause regression, but it is temporary. I try hard not to let the temporary regression prevent me from being mature when I am not overwhelmed.

I do not let the regression define me. It is only a small part of me. That might be what many people do – let the regression define them as immature and they act it out as a whole rather than allowing it to just be a small part of their personality. Don’t be afraid of maturing, even at a slow pace. Life is not about the destination, it is about the journey. I read that on a magnet at Cracker Barrel once when my mom abandoned me there when I was 10 years old. She came back for me a few hours later. I told her about the magnet and she cried. I still don’t know why. She died 8 years ago so I can’t ask her. I just remembered I still had the question.

I never belonged in the United States. I’m moving to Germany. This is going to be very difficult. I have to do it because if I don’t I do not want to live anymore. I want to keep making constructive transitions and being better every year. I cannot do that here. No one likes me and I do not like anyone. It is important to find a place where I fit so that I can live a constructive life. Living constructive means being able to interact properly back and forth. All I am right now is feeling destructive. I sometimes wish the whole North American continent would blow up when I am feeling so hateful toward everyone. I would not feel so immature if I was being treated fairly more often. I decided to seek out a place where working is more important than socializing or making friendships. If I cannot find that place then there will be no reason to stay alive.

Maturity happens in cycles. Keep sampling the world and having a variety of experiences. You will catch up. Evolution is a slow process.

I've made the decision to stop maturing when I was really 21 years old. I don't regret choosing that path. I have fun wearing bright colours and listening to The Kinks.

I have never experienced that magical sudden change that supposedly indicates transition into adulthood. You know, the supposedly requisite disinterest in all things even remotely looking like they are intended for children, from toys, stuffed animals, and certain TV shows (particularly cartoons).