Does depression ever go away?

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I know one of your special interests is singing. Do you have any others which are particularly "special" to you?

I don't think it completely goes away, at least, it hasn't from me, but it goes from a world annihilating, unstoppable monster to a sort of stinky, scruffy lap dog.

You can't make it go completely, but you don't have to take it as seriously as you did when it was mighty. And you can often just ignore it and go about other things. Sometimes it can't take the rejection and just leaves you for a while. That's always nice.

I enjoy many things and I get to focus on them most of the time know. Every once in a while the old beast begins to rear it's ugly head again, but I can usually shrink it down with some meditation and sometimes some medication.

I think if you have it and have had it at an intense level, there is always a risk that it will come back, but you can have long stretches without it and you can handle it when it comes back.

Try bathing and changing your clothes. It sounds stupid, but it is good for your mood not to feel grungy.

I have periods where it goes away for the most part, but it's always under the surface ready to reactivate. What I've found the most helpful is physical activity. Endorphins are the best anti-depressants.

Well it hasn't ever come back full strength but now it seems it's getting there. I feel like I'm just one bad occurrence from killing myself. And I have leftover pain medications that I'm quite sure would kill me if I took them all at once in combination with something else. I thought about it last night and I've been thinking about it today. It's starting to get very tempting.

I think I should just go see a doctor, but I'm having trouble finding any. I don't really know how to go about finding a doctor, and whether I should just see a primary care doctor about it or if I should go to a psychiatrist or what. Plus then there's the fact that I am only able to call during work hours, when I'm also working, which means I can't take a ton of time to search online our call around.

Get setup with primary care physician, if you haven't already. Talk to your doctor about your depression and he/she will refer you to a professional who can help you.

Mine has NEVER gone completely and totally away, but there have been long periods of "scruffy, stinky lap-dog with a nice personality."

I really don't expect it to ever go completely and totally away. Some degree of depression seems to be part of self-aware life on the autism spectrum. It's just... sorta depressing, in a low-grade melancholic kind of way.

I find it helps to be philosophical about it. When I landed in the psych ward with the last really terrible depression, one of the nurses there gave me a nugget of wisdom. He said that, sometimes, trying to fight it makes it worse. Because then you're depressed, and being depressed is a bad thing, and you're not supposed to be depressed, and you've investing your already limited energy in fighting depression. He said that sometimes, for some people, you're better off to just accept that you're depressed today, and not treat your thoughts too seriously, and just kind of hang around and wait for the better days that are bound to come.

My hubby really does not understand this. It is my experience that a lot of people don't. They get scared (like every depression has to get worse and worse and ultimately lead to another suicide attempt-- if that were the case, I'd be dead by now) and want me to get un-depressed PDQ. This generally just makes me feel worse. I've given up trying to explain it, and just say, "I'm tired," or "I'm extra-autistic today." THAT they understand or anyway accept. I find I have better luck with accepting depression for what it is and just sort of treating it like rainy weather-- find something quiet to do and wait for the worst of it to pass.

I'm sorry you don't have hot water.

If that happens, you could do what the West Indians do:

Heat a large pot full of water on your stove to boiling.

Get a large water-holding vessel and fill it with the cold water.

Mix the boiling water with the cold water.

Take a "sponge" bath.

You could take the sponge bath in your bathtub or shower.

You have to get clean, somehow.

Maybe it'll rain tomorrow.

Awakening to go to work have been a problem for me as long as I can remember, and it's been five years trying to adapt to it lol
My way to do it is to set 3 alarms: the first one at 5:45, the second at 6:00 and the last at 6:15. After the one at 6:15 wake me, the first thing I do (I force myself to, doesn't matter how tired I am) is to stand up. If I even think about sleeping a little more it will be enough to make me sleep too much and be late to work, that's why I immediately stand up and start picking my clothes for my bath.
And believe me, when friday comes I'm almost in pieces. I get home from uni too late in the night (usually at 23:00~23:30) so add to this the time I'll spent eating, changing clothes, playing a small session of a game just to have a daily dose of relaxation and preparing to sleep and I'll easily be going to bed at 1:00 or later. It sucks, but I just concentrate myself on my doings and anxiously await for the weekend to arrive lol

Think about the Girl from Ipamema---that'll give you a contented sleep!