how the hell do i get myself into these things

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Well I'm not saying I'm not a good writer. I'm just not a great one (I'm thinking great as in someone like Shakespeare or Mark Twain though, so I'm probably setting my standards too high). But I'm not even sure that's what I would want to do. My English teachers always told me I was a really good writer but I never considered doing it in my free time, it was just never that appealing to me.

And as far as thinking I can't do things, maybe I'm setting barriers, but I'm trying to protect myself. I'm putting barriers along a ledge, because I don't want to get overconfident and try to fly. I absolutely despise people saying things like, "You can do whatever you set your mind to, It's all about hard work, etc. etc." You can't. It's not. It's bull crap, yet we teach it to kids who don't know any better. Maybe I was just a dumb kid but I believed it. I believed a lot of things that ended up not being true, and it hurt me a lot. I don't want that again.

I feel like there's a fine line between limiting yourself and risking too much, so maybe I haven't found it yet. But I'd rather get there slowly, and not try to rush into it, and make sure I'm prepared this time. Maybe I can fly, but I've got to learn how before I go jump off a cliff. Or at least get a freaking squirrel suit or something.

Metaphorically speaking, of course. A squirrel suit would be cool if I wasn't terrified of heights (really, not metaphorically).

I don't believe in the "if you put your mind to it" credo, either.

I just believe in one knowing one's abilities and limitations, using those abilities, and trying to lessen the limitations.

It's almost impossible to make a living as a writer--but you could network using your writing.

I don't understand why you don't want to get into speech pathology. You love kids. You love speech. You love singing. You should Google "speech and language disorders." You should also Google "disfluency."

When I was 18, I used to work in a medical library. Every opportunity I got, I read about genetic disorders.

It's not that I don't. But I'm not ready to go back to college (financially). If I find a college that I can get accommodations at, and possibly start off half-time, then I'm sure I'll do a lot better than last time.

And since I'm gonna start off slow I might as well take some more time to decide what I want to do career-wise.

That is a very reasonable stand. Some people do as if life was about getting through with it as quickly as possible or as if it was like following a plan that is written in some golden book of convention. As for me, I have very good experiences with waiting extended periods of time. Fortunately that view was very much supported by the overall attitude of studying still prevailing then at German universities (Humboldt s "freedom to teach and study" whatever one feels that he wants to teach or to study.).

I have once written my nephew a nice letter about that issue, with this quote from Gertrud Stein being at its center:
"All the forces that have been engaged through the years of childhood, adolescence and youth in confused and ferocious combat range themselves in ordered ranks (and during which) the straight and narrow gateway of maturity, and life which was all uproar and confusion narrows down to form and purpose, and we exchange a great dim possibility for a small hard reality.

Also in our American life where there is no coercion in custom and it is our right to change our vocation so often as we have desire and opportunity, it is a common experience that our youth extends through the whole first twenty-nine years of our life and it is not till we reach thirty that we find at last that vocation for which we feel ourselves fit and to which we willingly devote continued labor. claiming that in modern world one should wait till the age of 30 before wanting to exchange the stage of explorating the world of possibilities against a small hard reality, till this small hard reality."

I added that judging from my personal experience, it could also well take 10 years longer, but things are really clearing as time goes by. That I would hardly have discovered what I had discovered the last years, had I not been very relaxed about studies and jobs all the years before. And that staying relaxed is essential.

That's the editor's job, they clean up messy texts

Sometimes you want to help people like that. I used to want to help people like that. People always told me that sometimes it is better not to help people like that and to just let them fend for themselves. But I have found the best way to help people like that is to volunteer at a homeless shelter or buy them food or something. Buy giving them a ride you are putting yourself in danger, or putting yourself in a situation you were just in. And if you give them money they could just buy alcohol or drugs with it.

No great writer started out superior to others, they got there through practice. And being a good writer is not so much about grammer as it is about text structure and narrative, which you apper to have.

And there are several ways of making a living writing, even some uuumh very odd ones. If you search for Christie sims on amazon you'll find a rather....odd way to make money.