why do people care if others they hate kill themselves?

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sadly no. I lack money. theres no free classes for hobbies. everyone out to make a buck. even the classes for autisics to get help and learn skills or socialize cost like 200 + per class/event. ripping people off to help them now if you're a kid under 18 then all the stuff is free and paid for. theres no help for adult autistics.

not really since love and dating, politics and adult all tend to be depressing, being stalked and attacked over and over doesn't help.

problem is wp is pretty much all I have to do and one of my only contact with humans. I play bf with clan for 2-3 hours a day and thats pretty much it, then all other time is open. only so many tv shows to watch and its kinda boring. no new games coming out til like christmas. can only shave every other day and that only takes 30 mins. I try to sleep as long as possible but then I get headaches

wp takes about 5-7 hours a day. then i spend 2 hours a day on a browser game forum. i have way to much alone time trapped in my room.

can you make yourself go outside and power-walk a half-hour every day? can you spare the half hour for your physical edification?

No I meant you have to treat yourself kindly first! you're not any less important than any of them, ability to make money is not a true measure of a person! those are cruel, shallow, stupid bastards who tell you that.

Maybe if you would tell your family to stop buying you high calorie foods would do the trick?

I'm truly sorry you feel that bad, I wish I could help better

Hi Guy,

I really understand what you're talking about, I tried suicide three times before I was your age and it was around 26 that I came to a few realisations, I still get frustrated but it's manageable now, here's my two cents:

Relationships
Worrying about your relationship status is unattractive (perceived as desperate) and the person you are fixated on isn't the idealised god/goddess in your head, if you are not in the right place a sexual relationship is probably more trouble than it's worth. Focus on family and social relationships, these are hard too but without the added complication of sexual attraction they are good practice to get past the initial awkwardness with a potential mate.

Time
Learn to code, coding is like meditation but for people who can't meditate and you get fun useful stuff at the end. I don't know if you have light sensitivity but exercise is important mentally and physically, if you are comfortable walking outside you can get a dose of vitamin D at the same time. This will also help with self confidence and physical attraction in the relationship sphere.

Money
The traditional workplace will always be incredibly frustrating, you would be best served to put the thought in to develop some independent lines of income. I am artistically inclined as well and have found that a bit of coding and commission work has been able to get me by even though I'm hopelessly disorganised. Familiarise yourself with the stock market and set aside some money, day trading can earn a steady income without anyone else's involvement which can then be put into longer term / dividend yielding stocks.

Haters
Fu©k 'em, if you need to convince yourself that you are objectively better than them, do it. Punishing yourself is not the way to get revenge. If their criticism doesn't square with your ideal for yourself then it is irrelevant distraction, if you yourself accept the deficiency is valid then fix it because you are self aware not because some prick told you to. Remember too that they have problems with the openness that comes naturally to us, for all you know their comments have less to do with you than with avoidance of their own issues.

As terrible as it sounds, when I get down I take solace in the fact that the worst of my problems are superficial nonsense when compared to the unending suffering of the bulk of humanity on or off the spectrum. I sincerely hope you can tough it out because you have way more to offer this world than being some chick's slim boyfriend.

^^^^ Excellent response

Exactly!

Welcome, renwerx

i have anxiety about walking in public. I'm trying to join a gym. but the one i wanted is tiny and hs been in stand still for over 6 months. next one is 3 miles away. I'd have to take the bus there and back I'm waiting for my sister to go check it out with her friend who is a member there. mainly just want to use treadmill and maybe some weight machines.

need to figure out their dress code though so I can figure out best way to carry my my phone and wallet.

I use to more. i got on a high after I had a odd simi romantic thing with a girl over the internet. but that lead me to trying to ask women out which lead to here. perhaps but they'll the majority. they say they only what a real man. which is a guy who has his stuff together or guy with decent job and car and own place. ie not me so I not real man so I worthless.
guess theres not many real men though since they still on dating sites looking for one.

I try they still do though. I've had to just start letting food go to waste. I hate doing that. I've started eating rice and chicken. I bought that brand name brown rice. it cooks in half the time of other rice(guessing they simi cook it) I put powdered chicken or beef seasoning in the boiling water first. rice taste quite plain by itself not bad but not good.
seems to fill me up more then pizza does but pizza is more calories in a smaller amount. though I do like pizza. one good thing about eating less is food last longer. I could eat a papa murphys pizza for days. sad thing is some days I have to eat nothing all day in order to be able to eat dinner. stuff like steak, or lasagna are like 1-2k calorie meals . I use to heat multiple plates of those. I do miss it.
19 servings of rice cost $3.50 and 10 servings of the chicken I get(raw but covered in some kfc like coating) cost 8.50. then add $6 for 18 bread sticks. cost like $1.33 per meal. suppose I should find some vegetable to add to it. mainly what I going to eat for lunch unless there's leftovers from some other dinner meal. though also have some .80 cents instant mash potatoes that makes 2 meal sides I want to have some times. and maybe pasta sometimes :s it'd be easier living alone for meals. family always waits til last minute to decide what to eat. think rice will make for cheaper meals. oh though i forgot the seasoning cost 2.58 for 15 ish meals.

trying to help make my 150 in food stamps last longer I can do about 30 a week and then some snacks even if I don't get to eat much snacks anymore. m&m peanuts. blue bunny ice cream.

what I found, is that I was presented with the choice, of 1]"tasting good," or 2]"feeling good" - IOW, 1] choose foods that merely taste good but are bad for one [fatty and carby] or 2] were nutritious but NOT especially yummy but also NOT fattening. I can tell you that fitting properly in one's clothing and being able to walk without major joint pain from carrying around excess weight are rewards of which tasty food pales in comparison. I know you can do it.

renwerx

I don't tell women on dating sites or advertise it .though many women do about their relationship worries. I imagine the others have it to just hide it as well. I think emotionally and mentally I am in the right place. by other people's standards financially I'll never be in the right place. partly cause well I messed up got a degree in the wrong field because I was pushed to go to college. other part is I simply don't place value in money or job status. I don't want to climb the corporate ladder. i put value in having fun, bonding with others, building a family and emotional connections with others. I do enjoy objects and I can afford them on what I make by saving. not going lie would be nice to have a better car. but that's about it. only things I'd like to change are gf, job, better car. otherwise I'm content with what I have. i mean i'd like to have a place with my gf though I think that would go without saying.

I desire/need to be held and cuddled. I can only get this from a gf. it really sucks. to not have something so ingrained in you. when I first got a hug from a date. I hugged for a long time I along hugger. its so calming and relaxing and wonderful. its an amazing feeling. I miss it so much. and I only got such a very brief experience with it.

ugh I hate coding. I don't know how you can stand it. makes my eyes hurt. and I was only do simple very simple irc bot slight recording lol I'd rather shave or clean my guns(as long as its not all of them at once, relaxing at first then too long and it gets boring) wet shaving can be relaxing, provided I went into it neutral or happy, can't do it sad or I'll cut myself on accident. makes me impatient then i slip up.
besides my anxiety which cause me to panic and freeze up when even just think about walking outside even right now its causing my heart to pace . the sun hurts my eyes. suppose it is a sensitive from aspergers. like my hearing one. sun glasses help. i need a walking partner. use to walk around with friends a lot, though mostly at night when no one else was out. now they all moved away.

I do ok as a cashier. coworkers seem to maybe like me idk could be lying. few customers like me a lot. i sometimes bump into them outside of work. its odd i mean they see me like 10 minutes once every 3 months but remember me ^o.o>
I enjoy getting to talk to people and its limited to 10 minutes or so, so not around long enough to irritate them. though worry about irritating co workers. but cashiering don't' pay much so I've trying to get higher paying job. I'm looking for security which scares me some but perhaps if I get good job and am lucky people won't kill me. think in a perfect word I'd casier or run my own small business where I could interact with customers and check them out. the money simple isn't' there though. though security is only 1 dollar more an hour it could lead to making 19 or more an hour as a armor turck duty. my lack of experience is making it hard to get hired anywhere though.

I'm not better than others, though I don't have much of a competitive drive though it does happen sometimes. I didn't compare myself to other guys until I kept seeing the real man s**t everywhere on dating profiles. I don't do sports I don't like racing. I'm non violent. I prefer making others happy to competing. I do get a bit jealous and competitive in browser games I play first person shooters and while I don't feel I'm good enough to play in clan matches most the time just playing for fun I think i do ok.

I shouldn't want revenge thats not my nature. yet I partly do want to get back at those women. to make them feel like they make me feel. i don't like that feeling. makes me want to get angry, but I Don't allow myself to express anger. so instead my body gets tense and feels wierd. have to do breathing calming methods.

I don't allow myself to think of that as it would depress me and nothing I can do nor do I think it lessens my suffering to know of others. I try to avoid the news for this reason. not caue I don't care for those people, but cause I care too much it will depress and upset me deeply.



I use to think i would offer a kind, loving supportive bf to women. I would be romantic to them and cheer them up, I'd make their birthdays the most celebrated day of the year. but I also need my own time to do my hobbies. I'm super loyal protective. I can cook and bake too. I thought I had a lot to offer a woman. I didn't realize money was more important to them. certainly isn't' what my mom, grandma and sister taught me growing up. but grandma came from a time where stuff like I said above was the only thing that mattered and you just did what you needed to make it by moneywise. societ today has so far been brainwashed by consumerism and it says you need 10 million dollars per kid. I have no idea how 80% of the world had and raised kids. i never had that and I don't know anyone whose parents spent 10 million raising them. but they think its true so they think they need two middle class jobs to have a family and vacations and nice cars and a big house etc. so many people go into so much debt and stress trying to attractive that dream, but while because the companies and banks told them they should, media reinforces the idea via movies and tv and our politicians pass laws to support it. they say its good to have debt. good to spend money. and then theres me the outsider. watching it all in disbelief. wishing there was some woman who would feel the same.

thanks for posting. I hope my reply doesn't come off as combative. I just try to reply to each point. i feel its rude not to, though suppose i may be wrong.

I'm going the just eat less route. a college professor ate nothing but fast food for months and he lost weight. he says its just about eating proper calories. so far its worked for me. I just can't afford nor do the healthy diet. I hate 90% of veggies and vomit them up uncontrollably
this chick is probably the best I can do aside from cooking my own eww, raw chicken is nasty to touch. I think I'm doing the best I can. I wish the v8 was cheaper. I'd like to try the fruit/vegg one. but also depends on how many calories in those too. currently i don't get any veggies really. or fruits.

limited to 2000ish calories a day. chicken is 210, rice is 180, bread is 190. though suppose could substitute some peas instead of bread, but how do i keep the peas fresh for next meal.

cereal and milk come to about 550, the chicken meal is 570. dinners usually end up being big in calories.

I just want to get to 230-240. I'm at 252 currently I would like to have size 42 waist again. Ive been this size since 7ish. i have a big bone structure I can feel my ribs so I don't think i could be thin without looking super weird. my chest seems to stick out more then say my hips. where as skinny people chest and hips are lined up giving them a flat look. without a belling I would seem to have a weird curve inward from bottom of my ribs to my hips. i think that would look far worse then a slight belly. 240 ish was where marines said I should go and doctors said 211 would be unhealthy given my body structure. so idk how far I should take the weight loss.

that's excellent and if you'd fill in with salad with that it would be even better - increasing bulk (fibre) which keeps you fuller and decreases the caloric density, so opting for brown rice, whole-wheat pasta....and to drink water, not juice or soda. You could also take a smaller plate, chew longer, drink water with it and not engage in emotional eating, perhaps try to find something else to reward or comfort yourself.

Also you could exercise at home, there's a bunch of videos on youtube which can help.

http://www.mensfitness.com/training/wor ... -equipment

EDIT: Although I see you're not into exercise, OK

did you apply to join the marines? anyways I stick with the generic vegetable juice which to me tastes just like v8 juice. I drink that stuff by the gallon, along with sugar-free applesauce, a daily banana and PB in the morning for breakfast, mixing oatmeal with soup for lunch, sometimes for supper as well. I have to admit I've learned to tolerate eating a chopped-up salad of carrots, romaine lettuce and purple cabbage, I mix that with canned salmon, marinara sauce, a bit of ranch dressing, sunflower seeds, chopped nuts, a bit of soy sauce, shredded cheddar cheese and feta crumbles, that is a tolerable meal and certainly not too caloric.

so done with women out side of 15 miles. no more. to painful. why is it the only women who can possible maybe like me always live in another country or on the other side of the the us.

tell me about it.