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How to deal with my mother - advice please

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Kirjava
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Location: UK

08 Jun 2015, 7:33 am

To discipline a child (or a dog) you need to stick to what you said, sometimes adults are no different. You gave her a choice, be nice and return, or be mean and stay away. She chose to be mean, so you need to stick to the original agreement and not let her in.

I would lock the rooms that I don't want her to go into and say: "This is my home and you are my guest. The doors will remain locked till you can be trusted to not wander off and go rooting through my private possessions." If she complains, calls it stupid, says you shouldn't deny her access to your stuff: "If you don't like the way I run my own home I suggest that you leave." If she continues, tell her to leave. If she doesn't, call the police and have them remove her. This is your home, you choose who comes in, not her.

She should be happy that you are happy, if she continues to put you down you need to break away from her till she learns to behave like an adult. She might not realise she's doing it. She might think that she's helping by pointing out what you need to work on.



Campin_Cat
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Location: Baltimore, Maryland, U.S.A.

08 Jun 2015, 8:29 am

Sanctus wrote:
I already told her several times things like 'it doesn't matter, because you don't have to live here' or 'it's none of your business'. It has no effect though because she'll say things like 'it's just my opinion and I can say my opinion whenever I want' or 'well after you have ruined your flat, don't call me to fix it!' which is just random BS. I will stay determined and not let her into my flat again, she was warned more than often enough. I'm normally a person who wants harmony and would rather give in than have an argument but it's been enough. She invited me to visit her in July, not sure if I'm going to do that or not yet.

Yeah, I agree! People like that..... If she senses ONE LITTLE thing, that she perceives as "weakness" (meaning, your resolve not being firm)----just like a DOG senses FEAR----she'll POUNCE on it!!

Be warned, though, her next tactic MIGHT be to put you down, to other people----saying things, like: "Well, he doesn't want to be around his mother, anymore----I'm not good-enough for him, anymore, now that he's moved-out, and gotten all of these uppity ideas!" That's how narcissists ARE----they like to play "the victim", thereby bringing the attention, back to THEM, and having people say: "Oh I feel SO sorry, for you----you POOR thing!"----but, since you say you don't have any other relatives, maybe it won't be so bad / you won't care.

I'm rootin', for ya!!




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