My parents outright hate me.

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Yeah, my family loves keeping me under their thumb. I grew up in an environment where anybody could (and usually did) whatever they wanted to me, and my mother went far out of her way to ensure that there was nothing I could do about it. In middle school, a guidance counselor reached out to me. That infuriated my mother, and she screamed at me that if anybody at that school took me seriously, she would go to the district and fight to make sure that person lost her job. That kept me silent about what was going on at my house, as I did not want to be responsible for anybody losing a job.

And still my mother insists on tellinge that she loves me, that she is my "#1 cheerleader". Despite the fact that she undermines every word that comes out of my mouth. Despite the fact that she insists on continuing to tell me that I am too stupid to take college courses. Despite the fact that she always tells me that I am incapable of empathy for others, and that got a lot worse when I started enforcing my personal boundaries.

She is no cheerleader. And I am no fool.

She truly deeply resents the fact that I was born to begin with. I know this because she explicitly told me that several times when I was a child. And then I was born on the autism spectrum, which she took as a personal insult. Of course, she will deny ever having said that and claim that I made it up to harm her.....

I cannot win when my family had countless generations of narcissistic parenting and incest behind it. I cannot save them. I have to save myself.

OK, it has been officially decided. I will sever my ties with this diseased family tree. My friends in recovery have my back.

Eventually, they will no longer be my problem.

EDIT - The reality is that their bad behavior is not a reflection of who I am. I have my own life. Every time I tried to persue the life I want to live, I let my family undermine my intentions with their verbal poison. I let them bully me into submission with their cruel emotional blackmail and their blatantly dishonest gaslighting tactics.

No more.

For me to know life, I have to stop taking any of them seriously. They are a sick joke, an exaggerated parody of excessive narcissism, people without the capability to understand that other people have emotions.

I vow to reach the point of emotional liberation from the venom that was force-fed to me starting the moment I was born.

This is not going to be easy. Then again, a life without challenge is not worth going after.

So true. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. There is a better life for you. Go forward to it, and all the best for your hero's journey. It will not all be plain sailing - you know that - but you are much much stronger than you think. You have survived because you are a survivor, and after what you have already survived, the obstacles ahead may not be as hard as may think.

From what you have posted, KL, it looks like you probably will not get a realistic perspective on life, yourself, what you can do...everything, until you get away from them. They have fed you so many lies for so long that it is probably hard to see anything for what it really is. (I don't mean you are stupid, i just mean that everything has been so twisted for so long.) That is why i would recommend finding a good professional who has dealt with this type of situation before.

It may be hard to go back over the painful stuff too...i have a friend with PTSD who had to go through this counseling process and it was terribly difficult to re-live some of the things that had happened to her. She got to a point where she said she just couldn't do it. Her counselor told her, "you are afraid of something you have already survived." That is what i would say to you too...don't be afraid to do what you need to do to heal from this. You already survived it...as hard as it will be to move on, you have already survived this. All the best to you.

Make a plan, don't tell them your intentions, and then get away.
Prepare for being found and repeating the process.

Hurt is the least you could feel in that kind of situation. On the other hand it is important to take legal actions, i mean a pederestian could abuse of other people too, is dangerous.

Kagamine, I think you have some genuine cheerleaders here, and if it means anything to you, you may count me among them.

What you've been through is absolutely awful, and you're wise to realize that the next steps in your life won't be a piece of cake, but also know that the effort will be worth it. I encourage you to take the advice here to heart, and I wish you all the best things under the Sun. You deserve better, so go for it!

If I were you, I'd be talking to an attorney on what you can do to have your so-called family to stop contacting you NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION. If it means slapping them with a PFA, so be it.

I cannot have them prosecuted over what was done to me thanks to the statute of limitations, and I can't go after them over what the children currently in my extended family are going through because I realistically cannot prove anything to the authorities when it is the entire family's word against mine and I have no hard evidence. For all I know, I could have been the only incest victim in my generation. Not likely, but like I said, I cannot prove anything when all I have are my gut suspicions.

If any of them wanted to enter recovery for their wide variety of addictions, I could support that. Until then, f**k 'em. My own sanity has to be my top priority. If I do not take care of myself, I will be incapable of being there for people who actually want my assistance in their lives.

As for how I am spending Christmas, it will not be in solitude. I will volunteer with serving meals to the homeless. I think I might make a regular thing out of that, do it a few times a month, get out of my own head for a while.

Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and run. Sounds like one of those times. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas!

This thread makes me wonder if I put up with too much, I was abused as well and relate to some, not all, of this. I saw my abuser this last thanksgiving and normally do on the holidays. Sometimes I wonder if this should bother me more than it does, I mean I don't say much to him but I treat him like a human being, I am civil at a distance.The other stuff sounds like emotion abuse and while I would have worded it differently and less abusive, your parents do have a point about letting the abuser have power over you. I mean the way I look at it is why should I let my abusers presence interfere with being around my own family? I want him to see me, I want him to see that I am grown, strong, independent and largely unaffected by his abuse.

I am not saying your parents are good people or even defending what they said, but I am all for not letting abusers have power.

The OP is not dealing with just one abuser, he's dealing with a whole tribe of them.

KL, when you do have a life of your own, maybe try to study how normal families live and relate to each other? Your experiences remind me to some extent of people who have escaped from sects. There is some literature out there to help those people adjust to the real world. The reason I mention it is that your experiences are so far out - you seem uncertain what is normal.

Sometimes learning what's wrong won't teach you what is right.

A startling similarity between cults and grossly dysfunctional families is the way emergent victims have issues setting personal boundaries once they are freed (because these are disrespected, destroyed and invaded in relentless ways by the cult masters/family power abusers).

Children learn the boundaries their parents exemplify and in a dysfunctional family these boundaries are harmed so that the adult victims tend to have problems in any of these four ways: (1) no boundaries, (2) damaged boundaries, (3) walls instead of boundaries, and (4) fluctuating back and forth from walls to no boundaries. Additionally the grossly abusive family attempts to systematically destroy the target's sense of selfhood, just as cult leaders do. Escapees from both need support from safe people who can model safe behaviour and safe boundaries and how to set limits that are self-protective. Setting limits can be learned, no matter that the learning has been delayed, perhaps most easily with guidance and support from people who are safe "nurturing parent" types who have had strong parenting that has equipped them with these skills to pass on to others.