It was a wonderful life !

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...I've tended to think " Well , maybe it would've been better being an ' accepted ' ' cute little Aspie ' , not really try to be independent " ~ Of course , it's not preciselly that the option of being " nicely taken casre of " was offered to me ~ And , I see people here with more " taken-care of " situatios coplaining about them --- Sill , a part of me thinks " You should've been a ' good boy ' done whatever theysaid , not tried to be indep4endent " .

...Again , I only have crappy clothes ~ Somewhat " better " clothes were , um , they '" disappeared " and all I have or pants are pull-uptrack suit/jogging ottoms that I get because the stay on you ~ Not very well , though , I have to keep pullin them up:-(.
I was told I should " call " the people back East at the HS I graduated from & talk to them, well , I don't have a cellphone ! How can i call them ?
I can't really afford a cf , and even on the ~ VERY occasional ! ~ times I might could afford one (Likely about $100 minimum output , which ain't hay ~ And , I did tell you all bout my $250 stolen and lost/broken stuff oney expended ?
bBut beyond that , I CAN'T GET A CELLPHONE GOING !
My knkowledge is lacking !
If someone would HELP me ! When I say " help " , I'm speaking of " help " from someone in the SF Bay Area that would specifically give me no money or material things , so no one can say " he got MONEY out of us ! Next it'll be chorus girls and crack ! " .
I THOUGHT THAT specifically exculdin getting $ or items might make people want to help me , just connections and teaching me how to do things , might mke people tink " He's alrite " and help me~ but theY wouldn't, .`

...No home . No stuff accomplished . <SOB> !

Life bit me in the butt too. Now, can we improve it or ruin it further?

Merry Christmas, Buddy.

...As far as WHAT IS CONVENTIONALLY SEEN AS " IMPROVING YOURSELF " , for example , I said I wanted to go to CCSF as a stepping stone to " real " uni ~ The result?
MONTHS AND f*****g MONTHS of " Oh , we haven't got your HS records yet " (without which NOTHING can be done) , " be patient " (Note: I am not referring to this Christmas break , I am referring to MONTHS AND MONTHS ! ) .
My minimal clothes get wet , due to my washing myself in the shelter , and ~ TMI , ddues ? ~ my poop residue leads to me tossing out underwear - Where am I going to keep it otherwise ? Especially with my never getting a consistent storage drawer , like everyone else there - Then , I was so wanting to clean my butt , and disgusted with the piss residue from the massive amount of pissing I do , from the pills I take, , that I tossed one of my two crappy pants w/much peeedrippage on them .

...I received a bit of money that a WPer was nice enough to send today .
After opening it , at the Tenderloin post office , two females (black) (I am white) cam by and " cutely asked for money .
I didn't want to (and did not have a dollar bill , which is what they asked for) and said no .
Walking after a treat in a grocery with stuff I guess I shouldn't have got (Sweets , etc.) , I was thinking , " Oh , the Tenderloin's not that bad...kinda nice " - Then , one of the two women went out shrieking at me " GIMMIE MY MONEY , n****r ! " and reaching for my pocket !
I suppose she was " really joking " , but...
Also , with the money I decided to treat myself , go , I first thought , to a Korean little barbecue restaurant and get something , rather than rush-rush-rush to (likely) just make it in time to the free feed ~ Really , my tiredness when I walk along , I don't think I emphasize it enough !
However , the Korean place clearly (And , later were proved to have) LIED to keep my scruffy self out !
So , I went to this pleasantly mediocre Chinese place ~ They were nice to me .
I have this - this part of my body that has the lletter " y " in it , I suspect my gassiness/gained weight could have something to do with that ~ I can't remember the name of that part of the body now .

...Perhaps I should spend 12ish dollars on underwear to-day - However , I get tired walking around - I AM NOT KIDDING ABOUT THIS ! - andwant to get back to the shelter by-ish 6:30ish chow time .
WILL I EVER GET BETTER <SOB> ?
Be anything but " an old dude in the Tenderloin " ?

...When I've said this , I've rather focused on the thought " If I had been discovered as Aspie at 15 or so " (with a structure for Aspies) " maybe I'dve had a nicer , if ' simpler ' life " . And that thing I alluded to when I was 16 wouldn't have happened ?
If I'd been found as Aspie even earlier ?
Would people have been taught to be nicer to me (And , okay ` me taught to deall with others better) ?
Me have led a " nicer " , if more protected life ?
As against my CRAPPY (certainly by anyone's standard standards ! ) now ! life now !

The thing is, who knows?

In my case, I think my life would have been far worse if I'd been diagnosed as an Aspie at age 15.

Like you, I'm guessing.

I think about this too sometimes. If I'd been diagnosed as a kid, I would have adjusted my life goals accordingly, taking my limitations into account, and not just my strengths. In my case, I think it would have been preferable if I'd made more realistic goals, perhaps a career in accounting rather than music. I wish I'd known that marriage is not a realistic goal for me, due to my asexuality and sensory issues. My life sure would have been different!

Then again, when I think about being an accountant, never married... Well that sounds a bit boring. Maybe I wouldn't have enjoyed it so much after all. Still, in a lot of ways it beats the chaotic disaster that my life has been.

I read that you're applying to college - what are you hoping to study? I know it's hard with health problems, but I think you're courageous to not give up on your career goals. Sometimes I like to think that maybe I could handle a part-time job, but with my health problems it's unlikely I could keep it up long-term. Still, theoretically I think I would enjoy being an office assistant somewhere - I did that for a bit in my 20's and enjoyed it!

...I am not very hopeful about the college thing , not in the least because I SIMPLY CANNOT get my " home " high school , the one I graduated from , to acknowledge my existense by sending me my HS records ~ which I NEED to apply anywhere .
Furthermore , it looks like the city college inn San Francisco I was hoping to use as a stepping stone to " full " college wants to deal with a question I have to ask them about transferability of credits by going " la , laah , la I can't hear you " .

...Well , I imagine a " nice " , secure , comfy " , " being taken care of " life ~ in a basically nice way ~ But , with the things that happened to me , like being in a state mental hospital on my 21st birthday , with docs saying about me " He's good for nothing but being on back wards the rest of his life " ...........well . Maybe nothing better could've happened

...Beyond adequate parents , I had NOBODY , eothereil other relatives , no lasting friends ~ My " stuff " all gone .
I will never have a " cool stuff " life like one hopes for in a " cool " area like San Francisco , so can I be a " nice little Aspie boy " and be taken care of please ?
I could go into detail about that " my stuff all gone " I mentioned but , my time runs low now .

Maybe this is a dumb suggestion, seeing as they're usually quite expensive, but would it be possible for you to obtain any college textbook(s)? If the whole situation is blocking you from getting into college (and best wishes on the high school actually responding), you could at least learn some college class material if you had a textbook to read.

Other than that, if you could get any informational books (used or otherwise) and read them, it's still learning, and that's (at least what I tell my not-so-educated self) at least improving and moving forward.

...It's " the college experience " that I've been, arguably , wanting more than anything else .
There . I said it .
I will boot up my line which mentioned CCSF to give some background here , or at least I think it gives background to this story .