Today was... interesting. So is WP.

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I wish we could met in school. I was a weirdo, too. I was into Neanderthal Man when other kids were into Elton John. I wasn't into linguistics yet--but you could have taught me about it.

I would have liked to have met somebody like you. All I met were people who were into normal stuff, and didn't like people who weren't into normal stuff.

I never even tried.

I knew, if I did try, that I'd lose anyway.

I wanted to feel at least some pleasure while I was losing constantly in life.

I just didn't have that "filter" that told me: "Don't talk about all the capitals of the world with these kids!"

First off, thank you everyone for your responses! There's a lot here. I'll try to respond as best I can.

Great answer to the "what else is there" question, looniverse! That pretty much covers it.

Imagine if we had this in 1970?

AJisHere,

Don't know if you mentioned it in a post here, but have you tried talking to a therapist? It seems like this is something that really bothers you, and makes you feel isolated from NTs and those with an ASD as well. You feel okay with the way you see your autism, but can't find anyone else who feels the same way. I know it's got to be frustrating to not have someone to really relate to (felt that way my whole life).

Maybe a therapist can figure out why you feel that way. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but sometimes I feel comfort knowing exactly why I feel a certain way, or what life experiences led me to those feelngs. That's one of the reasons I became interested in psychology as a teen and started psychoanalyzing myself (and everybody else). Making sense of the world is really important to me, so I thought it may be helpful for you as well.

In my case, I neither pursue or at peace with nor at war with autism. I pursue to master it, not overcome or submit to it.
It's both a blessing and a curse. It's either my ally or my enemy yet all the same an aid and a test.

Regardless, it's what I choose.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I don't know if it's really relevant, but I feel out of place on this forum. Being "autistic" does not make me instantly connect to the place and its people simply because it's supposed to be a forum for autistic problems. Frankly I feel no different here than on any other forum.

Now that I think about it, this whole "waging war on autism" thing seems kind of vague. What parts of yourself exactly are you trying to fight against? It would make it easier for me to compare to my own feelings if I knew precisely what yours were rather than trying to go off a general idea.

You feel autism is a negative thing to overcome, instead of a difference that should be accepted. Makes sense to me. I don't agree with it, but it does make sense.

I think I hold a more balanced viewpoint, because I see both positives and negatives to autism. But that doesn't make your opinion less valid. Probably it will be hard for you to find others who feel the same as you do.

Maybe it has to do more with upbringing than anything. Or else it's a combination of other personality traits that make for a unique mix with autism. I hate to say it because it probably sounds arrogant, but I think sheer raw intelligence (of a certain kind) is a factor in how we deal with it, too.

When I think of my upbringing, I was taught to be patient and to persevere. My dad was drafted in the Viet Nam era. My mom always told me how he kept his head down and served his time until he was let out. I think it implanted a kernel of hope in me that has never died. It also gave me a deep suspicion of authority. I'm not sure if it was upbringing, or just my personality, but I also have a streak of stubbornness and self-reliance. The last thing I want to do is to ask other people for help, or worse, for special treatment. I am not defined by a diagnosis. I am so much more.

When I was 16 I saw Shawshank Redemption at the theater with my best friend. I can sum up my philosophy in the words of Andy Dufresene, "Get busy living, or get busy dying." To me that means life is always going to throw challenges at us. It's always a choice, our choice, how we respond to the challenge. We can lie down and give up. Or we can fight it. We can question the very nature (and validity) of the challenge itself. I think if I ever got diagnosed with a terminal illness I would tell the doctor to bleep off and make a goal of proving the doctor wrong. I don't want to live forever, but I intend to go out on my own terms.

Some people would call that denial. I just consider it an unshakable faith in myself.

I went to Catholic school as a kid, so I was steeped in that tradition (though consider myself unaffiliated). When I was around 21 I developed a theory about the people in the bible that lived for 800+ years. My theory was that everybody has different issues to work through to receive enlightenment/clarity/inner peace. Most of what we have to do is UNlearn the silly or harmful stuff society or our upbringing teaches us. Some people have more impediments than others, say if they had an abusive childhood. But my theory was that at some point, if we were able to live 800 years, we would ALL be able to arrive to that state of clarity. We would know truth and let go of our hangups. For whatever reason, I feel like that process was greatly accelerated in me. As I get older, I begin to wonder what part intelligence has to play in that. For really, the hardest part to me about putting myself in someone else's shoes is that they usually aren't as smart as I am. In fact, never in my life have I felt I met anyone smarter than I am. I have met highly skilled people with a lot of in depth knowledge in specific areas, but I have never felt outclassed in all around intelligence.

So, if I were to apply that theory to high functioning people on the spectrum, I could see that different people overcome the challenges of their diagnosis at different rates. I have had conversations with other people where it became clear we were operating on different levels intellectually. I am by no means trying to belittle anyone, I am just trying to describe what I've observed. It's hard to carry on a conversation when it mostly consists of being polite to someone who may never catch on or catch up. I love people, but I don't have an infinite supply of energy to give them.

So maybe I went off a bit on my own eccentric theories, but that's how I see it.

This would be part of the soundtrack to my life:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b76VWp-voIk

"The Strength - Forces Of The Unseen"

We said, "There's nothing wrong."
We put our strong face on.
And go right through it.
Please say it can't be done.
Cuz that's just fuel for me to just prove this yeah, you'll see.
Cuz that's just fuel for me to just do this, yeah, you'll see.

We have so much energy that you can't see.
We'll blow right through it.
Please say you can't help me.
Cuz that's just fuel for me to just prove this, yeah, you'll see.
Cuz that's just fuel for me to just do this, yeah, you'll see.

I'm gonna make it through, you'll see.
I swear I'll prove you wrong.
You haven't seen the last of me.
I am way too strong.
It's not impossible, you'll see.
You've never been inside my head:
Ten billion burning suns and belief in a strength that can raise the dead.

It's the warmth when you're next to me.
It's the bright white light of a fevered dream.
It's the storm in your eyes.
It's in the roots of the tree:
The underestimated power of the forces of the unseen.