I need some advice.
06 Mar 2016, 10:31 pm
I think your writing is good too. A B is okay (especially for an engineer, I've read some really incoherent writing from engineers). For your other grades, if you are struggling, try to set up appointments with your professors, ESPECIALLY your advisor, who is supposed to be helping you keep your course load balanced and not overwhelming. You might need a lighter course load or some tutoring. My mom was a professor, and part of her job was to advise students on how to improve their work, handle their course load, and even some advice on their personal lives. A good professor will do that for you. If one professor seems too busy, ask another, or ask a teaching assistant (a graduate student who helps the professor with big classes). You should also contact your student counseling center. They can get you set up with a therapist and see if you might need some meds for anxiety and depression. The center for disabled students can help with services if there are areas you are struggling with, like needing extra time to take tests, or someone to take notes for you. If your living situation is causing you stress (e.g., a noisy dorm hall), you might get a transfer to a quiet dorm. My campus had special dorms for math/science students and "quiet" halls.
Other alternatives are to transfer to a smaller college or community college, at least for your first two years. The courses are all pretty much the same in the first two years. Or, you could go part-time and work part-time.
You could also take a break for a year and come back, if you are just not up for school. Get your head together, do some therapy and soul searching, do traveling if that's something that would help, or do some work to get some real life experience.
Just know that you have lots of options. Talk to lots of people--they'll all have their own idea of what's best--and make lists to decide which option sounds like the right one.
_________________
Diagnosed Bipolar II in 2012, Autism spectrum disorder (moderate) & ADHD in 2015.
08 Mar 2016, 9:48 pm
xxautisticfoolxx wrote:
I hate myself so much now that if I could come out of my body, I would torture it with fire. I am an autistic fool that doesn’t deserve anything good in life. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself and being unable to do anything about the situation I am in. I have trouble going to sleep every night. It takes me 2 hours to fall asleep after going to bed. My thoughts are jumbled and unclear. I can’t produce anything good. I have lived on this planet for 20 years and all I have produced is feces and carbon dioxide. I hate myself even more for being a guy. All that disgusting hair all over my body, being dumber and uglier than girls- being a guy is the worst thing ever. I am dumber than a rock or a tree. I have done nothing in my life except sleep and eat. I have trouble doing simple things that even a 3 year old can do. My memory, vocabulary, writing style everything is worse than everyone else’s. I highly doubt I have a brain inside my tiny head. If I had a properly functioning brain then my life would be much better. I am so angry right now because of how pathetic I am. I have wasted so many things. There are so many people who would be able to accomplish more than me if they had even half the opportunities I had. I am nothing but disgrace to the the human race.
It is so hard for me to write. Every time I want to say or write something I can’t find any words. In a recent essay test I got a B but most people got A’s. That’s how horrible I am at writing. I need one hour to write a 300 word essay. My mind is slower than a dead person’s.
The urge to kill myself is getting stronger and I am slowly losing control over my mind. Yesterday I was playing a game on my android and for no reason I bit my phone screen with my teeth. The screen shattered instantly and I feel so bad for breaking my $160 phone. I wish I were one of those people who are born with the inability to feel pain. That way I could burn myself and turn myself into ash without feeling a single thing.
I had hope. I wanted to make something out of myself. But the problem is everyone is smarter than me. In this world of survival of the smartest, I am a nobody. I can’t form connections with people and that’s why my life sucks so bad. I have poor parents and my father is pretty old. I don't know how much longer he will be able to live and provide for me. If he dies I will have to starve to death because there is no one else to take care of me. I need to find a source of income and make some connections with people fast if I want to survive. I can't do these things because I have autism and I can't form relationships with people. I never had a friend in my whole life. I used to like girls before but now am not attracted to girls anymore. I don't like guys either. I want to be a girl because girls are better looking, smarter, get good grades etc.
I know that no one will believe this after seeing my horrible writing style but I am a University student. My grades are really bad. I want to be extremely wealthy, smart, powerful and famous. I am pretty sure everyone does. Sadly I will never be smart enough to achieve the things I want in life.
I don’t know why I fear pain so much. I would have killed myself already if I didn’t have so much irrational fear of physical pain. There is no painless way to die except destroying your brain before it can create the feeling of pain. I just hope that a war will start someday soon and a bomb will drop on me and disintegrate my messed up brain that is responsible for my miserable life. That’s the only painless way to die, I think.
I have trouble trusting people and I don't want to post this. I feel like I am hurting you people by writing here and making you read it. I just want some life advice. Please forgive me for wasting your time.
It is so hard for me to write. Every time I want to say or write something I can’t find any words. In a recent essay test I got a B but most people got A’s. That’s how horrible I am at writing. I need one hour to write a 300 word essay. My mind is slower than a dead person’s.
The urge to kill myself is getting stronger and I am slowly losing control over my mind. Yesterday I was playing a game on my android and for no reason I bit my phone screen with my teeth. The screen shattered instantly and I feel so bad for breaking my $160 phone. I wish I were one of those people who are born with the inability to feel pain. That way I could burn myself and turn myself into ash without feeling a single thing.
I had hope. I wanted to make something out of myself. But the problem is everyone is smarter than me. In this world of survival of the smartest, I am a nobody. I can’t form connections with people and that’s why my life sucks so bad. I have poor parents and my father is pretty old. I don't know how much longer he will be able to live and provide for me. If he dies I will have to starve to death because there is no one else to take care of me. I need to find a source of income and make some connections with people fast if I want to survive. I can't do these things because I have autism and I can't form relationships with people. I never had a friend in my whole life. I used to like girls before but now am not attracted to girls anymore. I don't like guys either. I want to be a girl because girls are better looking, smarter, get good grades etc.
I know that no one will believe this after seeing my horrible writing style but I am a University student. My grades are really bad. I want to be extremely wealthy, smart, powerful and famous. I am pretty sure everyone does. Sadly I will never be smart enough to achieve the things I want in life.
I don’t know why I fear pain so much. I would have killed myself already if I didn’t have so much irrational fear of physical pain. There is no painless way to die except destroying your brain before it can create the feeling of pain. I just hope that a war will start someday soon and a bomb will drop on me and disintegrate my messed up brain that is responsible for my miserable life. That’s the only painless way to die, I think.
I have trouble trusting people and I don't want to post this. I feel like I am hurting you people by writing here and making you read it. I just want some life advice. Please forgive me for wasting your time.
You're only 20. I've basically failed at life, and I'm 28...but that doesn't mean I'm not still trying to improve.
Life is hard and the economy is s**t, and it's especially hard for young people to make their own way in the world from the ground up.
Just focus on learning a skilled trade, even a basic one. Don't aim to be the best of the best. Just aim to have a job where you are financially stable, and have a solid future.
27 Mar 2016, 8:22 am
xxautisticfoolxx wrote:
I hate myself so much now that if I could come out of my body, I would torture it with fire. I am an autistic fool that doesn’t deserve anything good in life. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself and being unable to do anything about the situation I am in. I have trouble going to sleep every night. It takes me 2 hours to fall asleep after going to bed. My thoughts are jumbled and unclear. I can’t produce anything good. I have lived on this planet for 20 years and all I have produced is feces and carbon dioxide. I hate myself even more for being a guy. All that disgusting hair all over my body, being dumber and uglier than girls- being a guy is the worst thing ever. I am dumber than a rock or a tree. I have done nothing in my life except sleep and eat. I have trouble doing simple things that even a 3 year old can do. My memory, vocabulary, writing style everything is worse than everyone else’s. I highly doubt I have a brain inside my tiny head. If I had a properly functioning brain then my life would be much better. I am so angry right now because of how pathetic I am. I have wasted so many things. There are so many people who would be able to accomplish more than me if they had even half the opportunities I had. I am nothing but disgrace to the the human race.
It is so hard for me to write. Every time I want to say or write something I can’t find any words. In a recent essay test I got a B but most people got A’s. That’s how horrible I am at writing. I need one hour to write a 300 word essay. My mind is slower than a dead person’s.
The urge to kill myself is getting stronger and I am slowly losing control over my mind. Yesterday I was playing a game on my android and for no reason I bit my phone screen with my teeth. The screen shattered instantly and I feel so bad for breaking my $160 phone. I wish I were one of those people who are born with the inability to feel pain. That way I could burn myself and turn myself into ash without feeling a single thing.
I had hope. I wanted to make something out of myself. But the problem is everyone is smarter than me. In this world of survival of the smartest, I am a nobody. I can’t form connections with people and that’s why my life sucks so bad. I have poor parents and my father is pretty old. I don't know how much longer he will be able to live and provide for me. If he dies I will have to starve to death because there is no one else to take care of me. I need to find a source of income and make some connections with people fast if I want to survive. I can't do these things because I have autism and I can't form relationships with people. I never had a friend in my whole life. I used to like girls before but now am not attracted to girls anymore. I don't like guys either. I want to be a girl because girls are better looking, smarter, get good grades etc.
I know that no one will believe this after seeing my horrible writing style but I am a University student. My grades are really bad. I want to be extremely wealthy, smart, powerful and famous. I am pretty sure everyone does. Sadly I will never be smart enough to achieve the things I want in life.
I don’t know why I fear pain so much. I would have killed myself already if I didn’t have so much irrational fear of physical pain. There is no painless way to die except destroying your brain before it can create the feeling of pain. I just hope that a war will start someday soon and a bomb will drop on me and disintegrate my messed up brain that is responsible for my miserable life. That’s the only painless way to die, I think.
I have trouble trusting people and I don't want to post this. I feel like I am hurting you people by writing here and making you read it. I just want some life advice. Please forgive me for wasting your time.
It is so hard for me to write. Every time I want to say or write something I can’t find any words. In a recent essay test I got a B but most people got A’s. That’s how horrible I am at writing. I need one hour to write a 300 word essay. My mind is slower than a dead person’s.
The urge to kill myself is getting stronger and I am slowly losing control over my mind. Yesterday I was playing a game on my android and for no reason I bit my phone screen with my teeth. The screen shattered instantly and I feel so bad for breaking my $160 phone. I wish I were one of those people who are born with the inability to feel pain. That way I could burn myself and turn myself into ash without feeling a single thing.
I had hope. I wanted to make something out of myself. But the problem is everyone is smarter than me. In this world of survival of the smartest, I am a nobody. I can’t form connections with people and that’s why my life sucks so bad. I have poor parents and my father is pretty old. I don't know how much longer he will be able to live and provide for me. If he dies I will have to starve to death because there is no one else to take care of me. I need to find a source of income and make some connections with people fast if I want to survive. I can't do these things because I have autism and I can't form relationships with people. I never had a friend in my whole life. I used to like girls before but now am not attracted to girls anymore. I don't like guys either. I want to be a girl because girls are better looking, smarter, get good grades etc.
I know that no one will believe this after seeing my horrible writing style but I am a University student. My grades are really bad. I want to be extremely wealthy, smart, powerful and famous. I am pretty sure everyone does. Sadly I will never be smart enough to achieve the things I want in life.
I don’t know why I fear pain so much. I would have killed myself already if I didn’t have so much irrational fear of physical pain. There is no painless way to die except destroying your brain before it can create the feeling of pain. I just hope that a war will start someday soon and a bomb will drop on me and disintegrate my messed up brain that is responsible for my miserable life. That’s the only painless way to die, I think.
I have trouble trusting people and I don't want to post this. I feel like I am hurting you people by writing here and making you read it. I just want some life advice. Please forgive me for wasting your time.
This is the angst of youth writ raw!
I went through this... and every person, NT or ASD,
survives the transition from childhood, through teenage angst to adulthood
with the support of a community
You've heard the expression 'it take a village to raise a child?'
xxautisticfoolxx
this isn't your only problem
It isn't even your worst problem
I encourage you to keep sharing here
keep learning
keep discovering
none of us knows the truth
but if keep winnowing you find the answers
_________________
Be kinder than necessary for everyone is fighting some kind of battle
-Jaleb
