[RANT] Loser Insisting That We Take Her In.

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Whether she is a problem purposefully/cold-heartedly or not purposefully, she would cause distress in your life.
The way you describe her, I'm not sure you would be able to mask your derision for her if she were to stay at your place, which means she would not get the ridiculous amount of emotional support she likely needs to truly be of help to her.

I wish the lady would ditch that guy.

And ditch that lifestyle.

I bid $40 for fnords laptop

Its your house your rules. If she doesn't understand then that is her problem.

Yes. You don't "have" to take anyone in even if they're a saint. Anyone trying to argue with you or claim rights regarding your own home deservs being told off, and I would have been a lot less polite than you were.

If you add her history and background to it... you have every right to defend yourself. I'm sorry you feel bad about this, your decision is more then justified.

Just for the record: the abbreviation for bipolar disorder isn't BPD. BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder, which is a whole different kettle of fish.

Either way, this woman is insane to think you have any obligation to her. She's lucky you even speak to her-I wouldn't.

"You did it for them, now do it for me."

GUILT TRIP!! !! !

Not just no. HELL NO.

She's not trying and failing. There's no attempt to get up. She's reveling in her pile of slop.

Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom, and either get up or die.

BPD is borderline personality disorder, no? Not bipolar?

In any case, sounds like you made the right decision. You are not obligated to look after a distant family member at the cost of your own safety and mental health.

As somebody who has bipolar symptoms, I take serious offense when people use their mental health diagnoses as an excuse for all sorts of selfish and inappropriate behavior. We are not our illnesses. We are people first.

Sounds like this woman needs to learn about how the world works the hard way.

This. It isn't "mental illness" per se, but simply laziness and overentitlement. The problem is, sometimes mental problems are present in people who are otherwise just jerks, and a lot of people end up using a broad brush since they can't tell the difference. (Hell, even many DOCTORS can't tell the difference!)

I normally disagree with you more than almost anyone here but you are bang on in this one. I am (assuming) am now a bit (more) of a pariah because I refused to allow my cousin to take over my apartment for a weekend while visiting here. She is a lazy, entitled princess who nobody says "no" to because of how poor she is (even though it's 100% her own fault) and no doubt would not have left a cent. Her recently divorced mother is diagnosed bipolar but I think she is just like her daughter: spoiled rotten and incredibly irresponsible. She just bought a $300,000 house and $20,000 car with no job and failing health.

My last two experiences trying to help also turned into a disaster: the first was my parents taking in my uncle who lost his house due to his foolish irresponsibility. He promised to be helpful but even though he made close to a six figure income in today's $$$ he gave them a whopping $500 for the 6 months he stayed with us. When my parents had enough and told him to find somewhere else, mom was permanently blacklisted my the family or throwing him out "on the streets".

I also allowed by ex to stay with me because I believed her stories. It ended with her causing hundreds of dollars in damages and my narrowly avoiding arrest after one of my neighbors (rightfully) called the cops on me due to her wild, crazy behavior. In spite of that, everyone sees "me" as the monster for literally throwing her stuff in her parent's driveway after she refused to remove it. I don't even want to get into my brother's wife who refused to work because of her "anxiety" but has no problem spending all his income!

Don't do it, sounds like a lot of trouble and stress.

I don't care that you didn't let her stay with you or that you hate her, but I'm appalled at your ignorance of what bipolar is because you just shared a very typical manic symptom of overspending.

You could take her in, but do you have the available time and skills to help her to turn her life around? Would you be enabling a lifestyle that is in conflict with your values, how would that impact on your marriage...
If you did agree she would have to meet conditions before she moved in, such as getting a part time job, seeking professional support and being respectful towards your household value system.

Well, for starters I doubt she truly has bipolar as she doesn't really fit the profile at all. Like someone who works with disabilities told me "being disabled does NOT excuse someone being a jerk or irresponsible". My point is that she and her daughter have ALWAYS been foolish with money, have NEVER made plans for the future, have wasted tonnes of money and I have NO sympathy for someone who ignores repeated warnings about how foolish it is to buy a house with no stable income for just one of many examples. I don't hate her by any means but she made her bed and it's time to lie in it. Unfortunately, Grandma always bails her out and enables her ridiculous behavior.


In my experiences, everyone will make these promises but they will be quickly forgotten with a week, tops. Once they are in it can be very difficult to get them out without being seen as the Devil. I wish I didn't have personal experience with this!

Last edited by GiantHockeyFan on 05 Apr 2016, 11:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

^Thats exactly why I said she would have to meet certain conditions "before" she moved in