Going have to leave this site.

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I have only once before explained how WrongPlanet.net operates (because it unveils some harsh realities): Without members who visit as many forums, subforums and topics (threads) as possible everyday (generating thousands of site "hits" which represent cash payments), the site wouldn't remain financially solvent for long. Therefore, it is much more probable that, apart from those unknown individuals who spam the site apparently whenever they choose, it seems that legitimate, well-intentioned, members are (or should be) the least likely to be banned for violating Terms of Service rules about such things as insulting other members. If every member who insulted another was banned, this site would close up shop quite quickly.

I suspect strongly that consideration of these facts will drive any decision about this matter. In other words, another warning might be given, and an apology proffered (if needed) and, hopefully, accepted, but the banning of a member with thousands of published posts is hardly the individual who this site' management wants to turn away ... if only for financial reasons.

Here's the thing, I understand where sly is coming from. There are a lot of people making assumptions about what he's done and what will actually work for him. The fact is you don't know what another person has gone through in life and simply telling them "Do this" is arrogant. It doesn't matter if it worked for you or for millions of others, telling someone they need to do something is rude, presumptuous, and obnoxious.

Most humans have this extreme disgust towards negativity and it's only reinforced people keep telling us when we're young that you can achieve anything if you just try hard enough. The fact is that's not how the world works and while I understand that people don't like the thought that someone could be too broken (After all if someone who seems normal is too broken to find happiness who's to say they themselves might not be headed down that path?) or different to find acceptance humans are clannish and have a built in disdain for that which is different. We need to consciously work against that instinct and treat each other with respect regardless of whether we are the one suffering or the one trying to grasp the situation and offer advice. It comes down to some simple rules:

Don't be a jerk: Consider how what your posting is going to come across and take the time to edit if need be to keep it from being too harsh or adversarial.

Don't make assumptions: Regardless of who you are and what you've been through you are human, you are fallible, and you do not know everything. Be willing to ask for more information or to provide more details if asked.

Be open: Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. We have to be willing to examine and if need be overthrow our beliefs and habits at times to be able to come to an understanding and make a discussion productive.

For what it's worth sly I hope you stay. I know what it's like to be living in a s**t situation socially what with being the a fairly liberal agnostic nerd living in the bible belt. It makes me quite angry and depressed too. Just know that there are people here willing to talk and understand banned or not and I hope your life does improve in the future. If you need to discuss things via PM, feel free.

This is a rather strange site to be honest .

We all have similar cross over traits and yet rather than supporting each other it's just like the real world and people get into cliques rather than use their own common sense .

I have an issue with one the older members whose been around a while . I explained my problem/s to him but rather than him toning his comments down he just stepped things up and even commented in forum that he was actively trying and getting enjoyment out of stressing me out . Even worse was that others actually took his side and attached me . ...

All you can do is ignore the comments or put the offenders on IGNORE ...

I got a pm from someone saying they were sly and were banned. That person asked me to put that here so please don't shoot the messenger

Where did all this go down, the love and dating forum? The reports. I haven't personally seen any of sly's posts being worse than lots of other people's, granted maybe they get slapped on the wrist too? They're...angrier, but are far less vicious than some people's.

I agree. People post REALLY misogynist things and don't get banned. I think Sly is more frustrated than truly a misogynist.

Ok let me word it this way, people wouldn't kill themselves if the world didn't do what the moderators just did. Zero tolerance rules anywhere cause problems cause they disregard the circumstances and also common sense. Maybe sly is a troll and deserves to be banned but what if he is not? All he did was say someone believed something that they didn't and insinuate that if they believe that they were stupid. Those in the topic could have ignored that and moved on but instead they made it an issue. How is that a violation of ToS? The whole situation could have been used as a time to explain why what he did was rude which it was but was it on a level where people had to get all bent out of shape over? No. It was on a I genuinely don't know any better way on a site designed to attract people who genuinely don't know any better. I see myself in sly and if anyone here has actually dealt with autism then a lot of people should including those who got so damn offended in the first place. If the site was designed for support then give support, give support and explain why he shouldn't do that and why it hurts the over person.

You are punishing someone for having the same problem as you, do you see the problem there?

Now I am done, I am not going to debate this further with anyone and any questions you have this post should answer.

A ban is harsh for sly. Though I think sly needs to be spoken to by a moderator about his actions and maybe how to ease up a bit.

I've got to agree with dcj123. Lord knows I had a meltdown myself recently. I've seen the way people treat men on this site looking for help or trying to vent. Yes, some people are trying to give suggestions but when they word it in such a way as to come of dismissive of the person and their problems it should comes as no surprise when that person responds negatively. It not what you say, but how you say it and I think all of us here can appreciate that to some degree given what many of us routinely go through.

We need to stop attacking each other and be supportive and noderation helps with that, but we also have to have some tolerance when people are having a bad time of things and lose control a bit. Keep in mind for some of us it isn't a bad day or a bad week, it can be a bad month or more. Sly just happened to end up on the wrong side of two rather nasty threads that I saw a lot of people overreacting to. The whole point of the Haven is to be able to share are problems and if necessary blow off some steam, let's not go crazy with the reporting and maybe we can actually help some people.