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kraftiekortie
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11 Sep 2016, 5:56 pm

If only I knew you in person........



nurseangela
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11 Sep 2016, 6:34 pm

hurtloam wrote:
It won't get better. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong so the cycle will always continue until I die.

I don't understand how people mange to develop relationships. What happens? How do they get together? What do they say to each other? How do they get to a point where they are comfortable with each other enough to just go and sit together and talk? How do they not feel anxiety and not feel like fools? How do they overcome the feeling that there is no way this lovely other person could like them? Where do they get the confidence?

Even when I was younger and did have confidence to just go up and talk time o guys. They didn't like me.

I don't understand this stuff and I never will. No one will ever want me and I don't know why.


I wonder the same thing! My longest relationship was only 2 months. It's probably best it ended because I wasn't happy. I keep wondering what if I found someone - wouldn't I get bored with them? How do people not get tired of each other? Yet, I'm as loyal as they come so I know I'd end up staying in a marriage - I guess that's why I'm afraid to "settle."


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auntblabby
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11 Sep 2016, 6:58 pm

hurtloam wrote:
It won't get better. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong so the cycle will always continue until I die. I don't understand how people mange to develop relationships. What happens? How do they get together? What do they say to each other? How do they get to a point where they are comfortable with each other enough to just go and sit together and talk? How do they not feel anxiety and not feel like fools? How do they overcome the feeling that there is no way this lovely other person could like them? Where do they get the confidence? Even when I was younger and did have confidence to just go up and talk time o guys. They didn't like me. I don't understand this stuff and I never will. No one will ever want me and I don't know why.

you are saying what most of the rest of us have been saying all their lives. you are not alone. it only seems like you are alone. it is only the social butterflies one sees out and about, the rest of us are invisible to them and to one another. that is the worst part of it, being invisible to one another.



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11 Sep 2016, 7:32 pm

auntblabby wrote:
it is only the social butterflies one sees out and about, the rest of us are invisible to them and to one another. that is the worst part of it, being invisible to one another.


Well said sir! Maybe it's because I'm tired but that actually made me a little bit emotional...



auntblabby
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11 Sep 2016, 8:15 pm

racheypie666 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
it is only the social butterflies one sees out and about, the rest of us are invisible to them and to one another. that is the worst part of it, being invisible to one another.


Well said sir! Maybe it's because I'm tired but that actually made me a little bit emotional...

I know the feeling. :|



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11 Sep 2016, 11:06 pm

auntblabby wrote:
racheypie666 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
it is only the social butterflies one sees out and about, the rest of us are invisible to them and to one another. that is the worst part of it, being invisible to one another.


Well said sir! Maybe it's because I'm tired but that actually made me a little bit emotional...

I know the feeling. :|



yup likewise! I will sit and look at groups how they all get along and feel a happiness and sadness at the same time when i see two loving couples walk by besotted with each other while i sit there having a coffee on my own not knowing if its ok to join the group in conversation, not knowing what to say to join group, whether i will be accepted into the conversation etc etc... I tend to let people come to me rather than the other way round as there have been times a group is having a lively discussion then i try to interject in a friendly manner and everyone goes quiet, leaving me feeling quit overwhelmed and sad for a number of reasons... I also get like this when watching a movie, especially when two couples see eye to eye at the end of a movie and they are able to put away their differences to actually SEE the person in front of them and to accept them for who they are... Just puts a lump in my throat every time..



auntblabby
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11 Sep 2016, 11:38 pm

Uncle wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
racheypie666 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
it is only the social butterflies one sees out and about, the rest of us are invisible to them and to one another. that is the worst part of it, being invisible to one another.


Well said sir! Maybe it's because I'm tired but that actually made me a little bit emotional...

I know the feeling. :|



yup likewise! I will sit and look at groups how they all get along and feel a happiness and sadness at the same time when i see two loving couples walk by besotted with each other while i sit there having a coffee on my own not knowing if its ok to join the group in conversation, not knowing what to say to join group, whether i will be accepted into the conversation etc etc... I tend to let people come to me rather than the other way round as there have been times a group is having a lively discussion then i try to interject in a friendly manner and everyone goes quiet, leaving me feeling quit overwhelmed and sad for a number of reasons... I also get like this when watching a movie, especially when two couples see eye to eye at the end of a movie and they are able to put away their differences to actually SEE the person in front of them and to accept them for who they are... Just puts a lump in my throat every time..

that's the biggest reason [outside of agoraphobic tendencies] that I am a hermit. my tin can is the only place and time when I am not constantly reminded that i'm a stranger in a strange land.



sly279
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12 Sep 2016, 3:24 am

hurtloam wrote:
It won't get better. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong so the cycle will always continue until I die.

I don't understand how people mange to develop relationships. What happens? How do they get together? What do they say to each other? How do they get to a point where they are comfortable with each other enough to just go and sit together and talk? How do they not feel anxiety and not feel like fools? How do they overcome the feeling that there is no way this lovely other person could like them? Where do they get the confidence?

Even when I was younger and did have confidence to just go up and talk time o guys. They didn't like me.

I don't understand this stuff and I never will. No one will ever want me and I don't know why.


I dont know I'm in the same boat. As of the last 5 years I've never made it past texting after messaging on cl. Women on dating sites never respond to my messages anymore.



RetroGamer87
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12 Sep 2016, 9:43 pm

Don't lose hope Hurtloam. You seem like a nice girl so there must be a guy out there for you.


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auntblabby
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12 Sep 2016, 10:07 pm

it's a numbers game, Hurtloam, just like for the rest of us. but you have youth on your side, and time. do not despair. don't dwell on it.



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13 Sep 2016, 12:07 am

I'm just really upset because of how things went with this guy. I've had someone telling me today that she thought he liked me too because of the way he behaved around me.

I always put guys off. I don't know how to be open and encouraging. I don't know how to show more interest than I already do. I don't know why that isn't enough and feel like it'll happen again and again no matter how many men I meet because I'm just too trapped inside of myself and unable to express myself.

I honestly thought that would be more understood on an autism forum.

Instead I get a load of guys from the Internet pm'ing me because I've said I'm lonely and it seems like I'm easy pickings. Then they get annoyed that I still care about some one I know in real life.



Last edited by hurtloam on 13 Sep 2016, 1:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

auntblabby
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13 Sep 2016, 12:11 am

can you please tell us what we have not said that you wanted us to say?



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13 Sep 2016, 12:57 am

Maybe Google 'how to express interest to a person that you like.'



hurtloam
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13 Sep 2016, 4:10 am

I'm sorry I shouldnt have written that last post on this thread. Thete have been some lovely supportive comments here



auntblabby
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13 Sep 2016, 4:38 am

no worries :flower:



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13 Sep 2016, 6:32 am

racheypie666 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
it is only the social butterflies one sees out and about, the rest of us are invisible to them and to one another. that is the worst part of it, being invisible to one another.


Well said sir! Maybe it's because I'm tired but that actually made me a little bit emotional...


Me too actually. That's profoundly sad and a good point. I guess we have to think out of the box, use our creativity and all that, to find kindred spirits, but damn, I can't think of any creative solution just now, aside from the general concept of special interest groups.