Friend pushing buttons, rude or not rude?

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I must be secretly British then LOL....I have trouble with "leave-taking" sometimes. I usually am able to smoothly transition into "goodbye"---but, if I'm romantic with somebody, I tend to say, "it's never goodbye. See you later!"

I used to have a great deal of difficulty saying goodbye to my lovers. I always thought that if I said "goodbye," then it's really "goodbye"--forever. I feared that I would never hear from her again.

When I do say goodbye to somebody, even to this day, I don't want to accidentally see the person again that day.

If he's inconsiderate again, I'd bring it up. If not, don't bring it up.

I'm glad that he's not trying that "implosive" stuff with you. That wouldn't be good at all---especially since he's not a therapist.

At least he didn't "try something" in the car LOL

League Girl, thanks for that input, I agree there are some very mixed messages generally about intention, making it confusing when things like this come up.

I also like your suggestion of telling him the manner in which I would prefer to have things wrapped up, basically. I think if he does the same thing again I will take that opportunity to address this and tell him something like "I don't mind if you just say you have to go now" or similar.

DataB4, thank you also yes it's a good way of seeing it, that what I do with this depends on what I want out of it now with the altered situation today.

kraftie: I think for spectrum people many of these standard scripts for everyday life are something that can elude us -- I have had trouble getting "down-pat" things like these sayings, also. I guess I expect NTs to be smooth with them and I'm surprised when they are not, lol.

You also may well be secretly British -- you do seem to love your visits here! I think they should have a citizen exchange program -- you can take my place here and enjoy your new London life, and I will go over there, lol!

About lovers, well that's one complication this friend and I don't have to deal with, lol, as we are strictly platonic and both okay with that; I think each of us feel it's nice to have a friend who isn't romantically inclined toward oneself.

It's very pressure free -- he is not interested and neither am I, in that regard at least. So I'd be fine when a phone conversation just ends with one of us saying "So anyway, I have to run but I'll catch you later." I think I got very used to my American friends saying exactly this kind of thing, and it's odd now to notice a British friend clearly looking for excuses to make -- or turning up music after being told it shuts me up for negative reasons . . . . as if it's not okay to just end a conversation a normal way.

I think after today's different thing he did with this, it may be best if I let it go for now -- but, if he does the other thing again over the phone, I will say something. I will prepare something simple like a quick acknowledgement that it's one way to make me freeze up and stop talking, but I would prefer to be told nicely a simple "must be going now".

There are lots of things I like about the UK---and I would live there, if I could. I probably can't until I retire, though (unless somebody sponsors me LOL).

But there's one thing that I'm aggravated about: the small portions (with the exception of the fish-and-chip places) which are given at restaurants for relatively expensive prices. You get larger portions, generally, in the US. The good thing: supermarkets like Sainsbury's tend to have slightly better things than our supermarkets here).

And I can't quite drive a manual transmission, and I have to used to driving on the left (with the driver seated at the right). Have you driven in both places? I like to drive on the motorways, though, and on country roads. I'd have difficulty driving in cities. It's much easier to drive in the US.

It sounds like you have resolved your situation, and that it makes more sense to you.

I'm an admixture, really. Sometimes, I'm British-reserved; other times, American-blunt.

I'm probably going to the UK again in 2018. I want to learn how to drive a manual transmission. Unless you book weeks in advance, rail fares tend to be expensive.

Have you been to the Lake District?

Food portions -- I strongly agree! I feel that portions of anything, food, drink, in the UK is contemptuously stingy and mean. My theory is that the Brits never really got over the deprivations of the war years, and even though there's no rationing anymore, I think they still have a kind of national guilt complex about anything being plentiful or abundant.

I once attended a village fayre type of thing, having walked a long way on a hot day. I ran up to the little homemade drinks stand where they were selling a plastic cup's worth of orange soda and such for £1. Without the exchange rate involved that actually equates to an American spending a dollar.

I had hoped for a big cup -- they handed me something the size of those things a patient receives medication in! A tiny little cup.

The drinks were only cheap, manually diluted orange and lemon squash with tap water -- they could have created generous, huge cup sizes without ruining profits.

People mock the US for overly large portions of food and gigantic fountain drinks, but at least you get massive value for the money you're spending! You don't feel ripped off in the US, but I do in the UK. Likewise, sandwiches are little thin things, not packed full.

For driving, yes, I've driven in both places -- although I have more experience driving in the US, about 17 years, whereas I was only able to drive in the UK for six months on my American license. Officially you are permitted to drive for a calendar year in the UK on your US license if you move here, but I only had access to a car in the final six months. (Way back when I was 17 I had driving lessons in the UK, but I feel those don't count as "real" driving as you're not alone and independently in charge of your journey. So, much more experience in the US. )

So, if you were to move to the UK to reside, you have a calendar year in which to take manual gear driving lessons and get used to the "wrong side" of the road and the car! :wink

I found it fairly easy to adjust between the sides of the road, but I still feel the wheel being on the wrong side of the car doesn't feel right to me. When I was a passenger yesterday in my friend's car, sitting on the left side of the car, it still felt very odd not to have the steering wheel in front of me, or to be in control of the car. I was very comfortable driving in the US as I did so for such a long time, so many years.

Manual/stick shift isn't hard to get the hang of -- it's one of those things that seem UUGHG impossible initially, but then suddenly you get the "muscle memory" forming and kicking-in, and after that it comes as unconsciously as breathing. Seriously, it starts to be that you change gears without even thinking about it once you get over the initial difficulty.

You would need to book lessons with a driving instructor far ahead of a test date though -- in the London region there is usually a long waiting list for test dates, like the next available one will always be a couple of months away, rather than the next week or something.

In the US I had only one week of lessons, took my test and passed. In the UK they gouge you for long courses of lessons -- nobody is sent for their test with a week of lessons. I think it's a scam. It's very expensive. The tests are even exactly the same!! The US test I took in my state had ALL the same components, elements and requirements as the UK test I've taken. The only difference is, the US test I took lasted 20 minutes for the driving part. In the UK you are in the driving part of the test for a whopping 40 minutes. The theory part of the test is very similar though.

People do drive automatics over here, they're just fewer and far between, and also, if you pass your UK test in an automatic, you are not permitted to ever drive a stick shift. If you are ever found to be doing so on an automatic license there is a penalty.

I learned to drive at 17 on a stick shift, and drove a stick in the US for ten years, before getting an automatic and choosing those ever since.

Automatic cars are also available to buy in the UK, but may be slightly pricier than manual, but looking around at used cars I haven't found them to be all that much more costly. If I ever drive again I still plan to stick with automatic even though I can drive a stick shift. I prefer automatic because, especially with a physical job that makes me physically tired, I value having less physical work to do in driving my car. All that leg and arm work in shifting gears doesn't seem like much when you're not tired, but when you're tired it feels like it's adding to your fatigue, and for me that kind of thing matters and makes a difference to my day -- I do suffer from fatigue issues. Automatic is relaxing.

Did you have to get used to the narrow London roads? And their utter curvaceousness? This is something I'm definitely not accustomed to.

Without an Oyster Card, London public transport is twice as costly as NYC's. Petrol/gas is about 2-3x costlier in the UK. I was told one gets free public transport upon reaching age 60.

I now work at a university library, in addition to my civil service job.

Oh, the narrow, curvy London roads were a nightmare after the broad expanses of the American Southwest cities!

In my southwestern city, every road is built wide, multi-lane, and on non-residential / business district roads there is always, always a 'turn lane' in the center, the full length of the roadway.

In London, it's a nightmare. No turn lanes for businesses in the middle of a street -- but then again, no parking either! In my US city there wasn't a business or store or library or whatever that didn't come with its own parking lot to turn into. In London of course there's no damn parking for anything. A parking lot is rare -- some places have some space, particularly now with more shopping centers being built that are like "open air malls " or shopping strips of the US. But those are the only places with adequate parking.

In central London the narrow streets are often full of parked cars on either side, to add to the problem, and you hve only one car-width to drive along-- if someone is heading your way, one of you has to hope there is an open space to pull into to let the other pass. When I was navigating that situation I couldn't believe how ridiculous it is. It's like a country village/country lane situation but in the middle of one of the busiest capital cities of the entire world. It doesn't make for a smooth existence, and nastiness does break out.

Not all the city roadways are that bad but there are a LOT that are. It's very congested everywhere, too, it's no fun to drive within London as it's so crowded, always a traffic problem, poor roadways etc.

Public transportation -- you can now use a debit card connected to your bank account, instead of an Oyster card, and apparently you are charged the same rates as Oyster travel at the end of the day when all your journeys are added up by the system.

However, kraftie did you know that you could buy an Oyster card to use when in London, and you don't have to be a citizen? I once knew an American lady from NYC who travels to London almost every year, and she has an Oyster card she uses when she's here. In fact, she was the one who told me all about the Oyster system when I got back, as I had no idea such a thing had been implemented; they didn't have the Oyster system when I was growing up in London.

You just load it with money using a machine in the station, using your debit or credit card.

So the next time you're in London, you can get yourself an Oyster card I'm pretty sure, and travel at the same rates as London Oyster holders.

I believe free travel for citizens does start at the age of 60, yes; I'm not sure if it applies to visitors.

Thanks, Birdie. Believe it or not, I have an Oyster Card in my wallet.

You're right, only residents get the free rides at age 60.

The most southwest I've been in the UK is Stonehenge, then we went to Amesbury for dinner.

I've heard that, in Bristol, they add "l's" to words like "Cuba."

The most southwest I've been in the UK is probably only Portsmouth. I have never been to Cornwall or Bristol or any of those places. Just Portsmouth for a weekend.

My brother once went to Stonehenge, and an American friend also went there and to Winchester Cathedral.

Overground rail is ridiculously expensive in England now -- it's some serious money to take a trip to other parts of the country. The last time I visited a friend outside of London, who was down in Sussex, the train fare cost me £22. It used to cost single digits. I don't go anywhere now. I can't afford to travel much within London let alone the rest of England.