I need help for suicidal thoughts, without going to lockdown

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Now I know you feel more comfortable with English than Dutch. What is your first language?

My first language is English. I'm American, I moved here 6 years ago to be with my ex. So my Dutch is pretty good, unless I'm dealing with technical legal or financial stuff, or deep emotional stuff.

Perhaps go to American domestic-violence sites? Are you still a citizen?

I am still a citizen. I did try contacting the embassy more than a year ago, and they said it's out of their jurisdiction so nothing I can do.

Maybe I just suck at asking for help in such a way that I can get people to listen? It seems to be a normal ASD problem.

Maybe try Ex-Pat sites?

Your are an ex-pat. An American in The Netherlands.

I've gone to expat meet ups, but I didn't feel like I fit in at all, and this was before tragedy struck a year and a half ago. Basically felt socially awkward and poor, and people didn't seem to like me.

I mean on the Internet.

I think I've posted on a lot already with no use. And I really need a Dutch person with power to stick up for us anyway.

I feel like in this moment though, the only thing to help me feel better is hope that women like me are actually able to ever get their children back.

Don’t give up.

I found this support group forum but it is generally for people in the UK. They might have useful advice or support to offer tho.

https://www.frg.org.uk

Thanks, I'll email them today!

By the way, I'm not doing so well today guys. I have a broken tailbone, which I just got a week ago when I was finally almost finished recovering from a running knee injury, and not being able to run for months is driving me mental. And to make matters worse, with the broken tailbone, every time I move it feels exactly like when my father hit me. Not handy PTSD to be having with the hearing having been a disaster. And being injured means my business is more likely to go out of business. No wonder the meltdown floodgates have opened.

I really need someone who can just do all my grocery shopping for a month, and get a Netflix subscription for the month and try and distract myself until this tailbone is healed. It's making it impossible to leave the house in more ways than just the obvious. Yet I have 2 appointments today requiring me to leave the house.