"Nice guys finish last"

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I saw the opposite in my life. The guys would call mean girls "stuck up b*****s" and would see the nice girls as "cum dumpsters" who they could bowl over easier. I hate how they are the ones who get the most partners and pass on their genetics while men like me are seen as genetic garbage.

I wonder what it really means to treat a woman like a “cum dumpster”. It sounds like you need to go out of your way to make sure she’s feeling like s**t while you cum inside her, rather than accidentally enjoying herself the tiniest bit.

The jerks and bad boys only care about their own pleasure. They feel entitled to sex and think the "b*****s" should just take it.

So the phrase "nice guys finish last" works in this situation. When having sex, be a nice guy and let her finish first so she gets a chance to enjoy it.

Unfortunately, that only has any practical significance if "when having sex" doesn't equal "never" as far as you are concerned.

That's very true!

Yeah well, the more time you use worrying about it the less time you will have to work on it and actually enjoy the benefits of a relationship if you do get one. So stop worrying about the time you've lost and think about the time you have left. Thirty year olds aren't teenagers, but they aren't old or even middle aged, either.

Thirty years old is awfully old to be taking your first baby steps at a lot of basic stuff in life. In this case, I don’t think you can begin to appreciate the desolation and helplessness this means unless you’ve also missed most of the experiences and personal growth normal people attain by that age, despite obviously knowing infinitely more than us about the important stuff in life in every other regard.

What exactly entails "working on it"?

Depends on the person.

Personally, I work towards finding a partner by going to places and talking to people instead of just sitting at home reading or something like that. I go to events, libraries, restaurants, simply for a walk. This helps because in these places I have a chance to run in to someone who could be my partner in the future. There's also a chance that I'll make a new friend who will one day introduce me to my future partner. I also use different websites (not dating ones) where I talk to people, both male and female, creating new connections. These websites and especially the conversations that I take part in are something I'm interested in, so even if I don't find anyone who I might get interested in in that way it won't be a waste of time.

I confess that I also read love stories, both stuff that has really happened and fiction. Mostly so that I'll get more motivated; good love stories make me think "I want that, too!" and make it easier to get out of the house to meet people and talk to them. However, since they're mostly written by Nts (I assume), sometimes I learn something from them or get something to think about. I mean if one character in one story does something I consider stupid or weird I can just brush it off, but if it happens in many stories by many different authors then I'm pretty sure it's not the characters who are stupid; it's me who's missing something that should be obvious. Of course, sometimes these could be just culture differences, but still.

Also, I used to read books about social norms when I was a teenager. I no longer do that (not much, at least) since I feel like I've already learned the things that I can learn from books and have to do the rest in practice, but maybe this would help you. People in general seem to be more interested in those that can follow certain social patterns after all...

The last one is trying to make myself more interesting so that guys would approach me. Of course, I only do things that I like too, but the idea of getting someone's attention gives me more motivation to do the things I'd like to do anyway, like getting in better shape or preparing and using interesting cosplay... I don't know about you, but guys (and girls in non romantical/sexual way) with interesting cosplays draw me in like a magnet.

But these are my ways; if none of them sound like something you could or would want to do, you can come up with something else.

I do go out. I don't stay inside all the time. It's just that people in my area tend to have friends they've known since birth or atleast preschool and they aren't interested in making new friends.

I feel the same way. Like there's no room for me because everyone is taken. I also have no idea how to form new relationships at 32. It was much easier when I was in school. Im actually terrified to try to form a bond as I'm painfuly shy. I just don't know how!

Are you interested in things like anime and manga, Sarah? If so, you'll find commonality with many of the young people here.

I hope you folks didn't get too much snow.

Maine got lots of snow.

Never really got into anime or manga.

As usual it snowed a ton in Nova Scotia and then got rained away.

Yeah I suck at approaching people. Been thinking about hanging out with my neighbor for a long time now. Not sure how to approach him. Actually I do know how its just taking the first step is hard. Ive been putting it off.

I'm always being told to accept my singlehood and to focus on other things. I just can't stop thinking about the fact I am single and my brain refuses to undergo neuroplasicity so I can't make any changes. I've actually been told my brain stopped developing when I turned 25.

Last edited by Marknis on 14 Mar 2018, 6:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Everyone's brain stops developing at 25 as that's the age the brain finishes maturing.

As for the topic, niceness itself is neither necessarily going to make nor break your romantic chances. Being kind to your partner and having that reciprocated is important in a long-term relationship, but niceness on its own generally doesn't win any hearts. It's got to be in conjunction with other attractive features and qualities. Few people are with their partner because they're 'nice' and for no other discernable reason.